


It's A-Parent-ly a Trap

by AltruisticSkittles



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Fiancé, Abusive Parents, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Awful Parents, But no Patton had to be British, Canon Remusness, Conversations about divorce, Creativitwins, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, If they would've just talked to each other, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), It goes rather sideways very quickly though, Like literally the characters comment on being inspired by the movie, M/M, Meaning there's a lot of sex and gross out humor, Morally gray breakup, Mutual Pining, Pining Idiots, Sibling Bonding, adoptive families, breakup and makeup, sibling fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 64,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltruisticSkittles/pseuds/AltruisticSkittles
Summary: The last thing Roman expected to get at an LGBT camp was a rival. At least, that’s what he thought was the last thing. What do you do when you find out you not only have a long lost American brother, but he’s your twin? You switch places like you’re in the Parent Trap and get your dads back together, that’s what.Unfortunately for them, that’s exactly what they get. Remus’s father is marrying Cruella De'Vil, and if Roman and Remus want to get their dads back together before Remus has an evil stepmother, they’re going to need a lot of Disney magic. How did Hayley Mills make this look so easy?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 65
Kudos: 188





	1. Campy meets Trashy

**Author's Note:**

> I started this back in August 2019, and I figured since it's been so long, maybe making it my big bang would give me the push I needed to finish it. Well, I'm happy to announce that was the case! I mean, there were bits I had to write out because I ran out of time, but they were mostly filler anyway. 
> 
> With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy my writing contribution to the Sanders Sides Big Bang 2020 event! <3
> 
> \--
> 
> Word Count: 7,347  
> Chapter Warnings: bullying, stabbing mention, name calling, non-con picture taking, minor sexual harassment, stuffed animal death (it’s not permanent), a brief fist fight, attempted choking, horror makeup mention, allergy mention

When Roman signed up to go to an LGBT camp for teens, he didn’t expect to be banished to a cabin with his newly adopted worst enemy. Of course, it’s not the only thing that surprised him, but we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here.

To say Roman grew up privileged was… quite frankly an understatement. He lived in a beautiful stone house in the countryside of England, had a loving father who supported him and his fantasies no matter what, and was figuratively born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Why it was silver and not gold he’d never know, but he wasn’t one to argue. Expensive metal was expensive metal.

The plane ride from London to New York took forever, and the jetlag was unbelievable, but the absolute worst part was arriving here the ungodly humidity and heat. Roman didn’t know how Americans stood such drastic temperatures. Thankfully, he packed a fan with a bunch of batteries to help himself cool off. 

Speaking of bags, Roman struggled to balance all four of them. According to camp rules, he would have to do his own laundry here, and lord knows Roman didn’t have time for that. No, he’d just pack half of his closet and wear something different every day. Kept people on their toes. Besides, he only brought four suitcases and not his usual ten. Roman thought he did a pretty good job packing only 64 shirts, multiple pairs of socks, underwear, and 8 different pairs of pants into three bags.

His father warned him to pack light, but Roman was going to be out in the woods with no cellphone, no Starbucks, no electricity (to his knowledge), and no contact with a decent shower for the next month. It was bad enough he had to leave his hairdryer at home. Good thing he was rather skilled with hairspray and mousse.

Why did he agree to this again? Oh yeah, to pick up cute foreign boys.

One of the camp counselors came over and greeted Roman with a smile. They had a solid black shirt with a name tag that read “Hello. My name is Joan. They/them pronouns.” Roman wondered how they survived with an orange beanie on their head in this heat, but he assumed Americans either weren’t afraid of heat anymore or lacked the common sense to not wear hats in hot weather.

“Hello there,” Joan greeted in an obviously fake cheerful voice, “Sign-in is over on your right, and if you want, you can wear a tag around with your name and preferred pronouns.”

“Great,” Roman replied. He plopped all his bags down on the ground and started to stretch. “I’ll need all these taken to my cabin as soon as possible, and if you could kindly direct me to a basin around here, I’d appreciate it. I can already feel my pores clogging.”

Joan nervously laughed, and they responded, “Um, sorry, but you’ll have to handle all those on your own. Part of the camp experience is learning how to survive on your own.”

Roman blinked at them, and his bravado started to slip into his dramatic impersonation of an angry Italian mom, “Are you seriously telling me that you expect me to lug all these bags to my own cabin by myself after flying for 7 hours to arrive in hell? Do you know what time it is for me? I’m bleeding knackered. A little sympathy would be appreciated.”

Joan’s lips twitched, but somehow they didn’t lose that customer service friendly smile. They responded, “Well, how about you take a nice long nap after you get settled in? There are no activities scheduled for today. It’s pretty much a meet-and-greet until tomorrow morning.”

Roman put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fine. I suppose that would work. Besides, I’ve fallen behind on my beauty sleep, and I’d hate to start getting bags under my eyes. Which cabin am I in again?”

“Why don’t you go sign in and find out? I’ll wait by your bags.”

Roman grumbled under his breath as he stood in line for a few minutes waiting to sign in. Several camp councilors sat at the sign-in table. The one that helped Roman was named Talyn, and he wondered just how long they bleached their hair to achieve that beautiful shade of pastel purple. 

Roman found out he’d be camping in cabin number twelve, along with two other kids. His heart fluttered. Maybe they’d be super cute and they could spend the night cuddling. Maybe they’d fall in love at first sight and he’d be swept off his feet by an American lover just like in the movies. He’d gaze into sparkling eyes as they flipped their flowing long hair to show off their shimmering lips. And then, they’d rush forward, dip Roman off his feet, and introduce themselves, their noses practically touching in a romantic dance of pure bliss. Roman swooned at the thought.

Breaking out of his daydream, Roman begrudgingly returned to his abandoned luggage and struggled to his cabin. Thankfully, it wasn’t too far away, but he was still out of breath when he arrived. The screen door opened with a gentle twist, and Roman struggled in.

“Hello,” Roman called out.

A boy sitting on the top bunk of a bed, maybe in his early teen years, swung his feet back and forth in the air. His chestnut sweater covered a button-down dress shirt, and once again, Roman admired the tolerance Americans had to heat.

On the bunk below him, another young teen with skin that would probably be red by the end of camp stood up. They wore a black and white striped sweater, and their black hair rivaled a raven.

“Hey there,” they said as they extended a hand. “I’m Elliott. Welcome to camp.”

Roman plopped his bags onto the ground and shook Elliott’s hand. “I’m Roman. Roman Coeur.” He paused for dramatic effect, waiting for someone to recognize the last name, swoon over how he was a Coeur, from _the_ Coeur family, the same one who ran the biggest bridal chain in all of Europe.

What he got was a polite, “Well, nice to meet you, Roman.”

Roman tried not to lose his smile. He turned his attention to the other boy, who jumped off the bed and walked over. He extended his hand as well. 

“And I’m Emile Picani,” he introduced. Roman started to speak in another language, and Emile quirked a brow. He nervously laughed and continued, “I’m sorry, I only speak English.”

Roman blinked. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed with the proper French pronunciation that you were from France or something.”

Emile's smile twitched. “I’m actually from Canada, but not really in a French populated area.”

Roman hummed. He glanced between his two roommates, and his heart dropped a little. While they were cute, they were nothing like he expected. Oh well. Time to think up a new plan. After all, there were plenty more fish in the sea, especially here. He’d surely meet more handsome men somewhere around here.

“Would one of you be a royal help and put my clothes in the wardrobe? I am exhausted, and I’d like to take a quick shower before going to sleep,” Roman asked.

“But it’s four in the afternoon,” Elliott pointed out.

“Yes, exactly, but where I’m from, it’s nine in the evening, and I’m way behind on my beauty sleep.”

Emile said, “Well, okay, but there’s no wardrobe to put anything-”

“No wardrobe? Wait, where do you Americans hang your clothes?”

“Usually a closet,” Elliott answered.

“Well, that then.”

“We don’t have one of those either.”

Roman blinked. “What? Where do my clothes go?”

“I’m pretty sure you can keep them in your bag,” Emile explained.

“Oh no. Oh absolutely not! I refuse to let my clothes get wrinkled. They’re all designers! I don’t have anyone to iron them out, and I will not be walking around looking like some chav!”

Emile looked at Elliott for clarification, and Elliott merely shrugged. Roman grabbed the smaller of the four bags and turned on his heel.

“Wait, Roman, where are you going?” Elliott called out.

“I’m going to take a shower and scrub some human decency back on my skin,” Roman grumbled. He slammed the door on his way out. Hot tears pricked his eyes, but he refused to cry. His mascara would run, and it was bad enough he looked horrible right now, to begin with. He couldn’t imagine what the humidity did to his hair, and quite frankly, he didn’t want to. He didn't want to know what that awful smell was either. All he knew was that it wasn't the forest’s natural musk.

Roman took a deep breath in and out. Alright, Roman, so far things weren’t so great, but it was just the beginning. If there was one thing Roman prided himself on, it was his ability to keep going. He could get through this. He didn’t have to call his dad and beg to be brought home. He wouldn’t face the humiliation he’d surely receive from the other members of Prince Academy. They all took bets on how long it would take for him to meltdown. Roman wiped the corner of his eyes. No, he would continue out of spite.

The show must go on after all.

* * *

Now you’re probably wondering how things went from bad to worse with an attitude like that, but hang in there, because it's coming.

It all started when Roman met _him_.

To say Roman was excited when he learned there was a fencing activity planned for the afternoon was an understatement. Fencing was practically his life. He had dreams of being an Olympic fencer (you know if the whole acting thing didn’t work out) and practiced every day he could. He prided his skill on saber, and he was the reigning champion of all the private schools that held competitions.

So, as Roman settled his mask on his face and knocked three people out of the competition, he turned to the next poor unfortunate soul and held his sword at the ready.

“Good luck,” Roman shouted through the netting.

“Aww, that’s so cute! You’re wishing yourself good luck,” his opponent responded. Roman wrinkled his brow. What kind of accent was that? Were they trying to mimic a British accent? If so, they did a horrible job.

The instructor, a rather tall man named Leo, who Roman may or may not have got a puppy crush on the moment he met him, raised his hands in the air.

“Now, I want a fair fight,” he said and eyed Roman’s opponent. Roman wondered for a brief moment who he was dealing with. Leo continued, “On my signal. Three… two… one… en guard!”

Roman’s opponent sprung forward. They swung down on Roman’s sword like they were fighting saber. Roman sprung backward with a startled cry.

“Wait, wait, this is eppe!” Roman shouted as he retreated. His opponent didn’t care. Roman parried to block his opponent’s attacks, and his opponent swung at least two more times before retreating. Roman caught his breath and readied his sword again.

“Oh, is it?” his opponent purred in that annoyingly fake British accent again. “I hadn’t noticed. I was thinking more about how fun it would be if this sword actually impaled you. I was just trying to find out.”

Roman’s gut boiled. He growled, “That’s it. You’re going down, American Idiot.”

“Bring it, Brit-nay Spears.”

Roman rolled his sword forward, meeting his opponent’s chest. He danced back and forth, following the rules of epee, but his opponent was definitely more interested in swinging their sword around like they were swatting flies. Roman was sure they did swat flies at some point. Leo called several times for a truce, but the two fencers were too busy listening to the clang of their swords to stop, and no one wanted to get in the way of that storm.

The masked murderer in training charged at Roman, and Roman backpedaled. Roman parried several blows. He didn’t realize how close to the edge he was until his heels teetered, but his opponent sure did. With a shove from the tip of the sturdy blade, Roman tumbled backward. He screamed as he fell back first into a pile of mud.

Cheers and whoops echoed through the pounding of Roman’s heart. He looked down at the soiled uniform. His chest blazed with anger. His opponent stood at the top of the stage, waving at him like some kind of child bidding their parent a good day at work.

“What is wrong with you?” Roman yelped.

“Oh, everything,” his opponent said with a laugh, “and more.”

“Now, gentlemen,” Leo said from the sidelines, “be good sports. Remus, help Roman up.”

The assassin to be- now known as Remus- offered a hand to help Roman to his feet. However, Roman wasn’t interested in giving his opponent the upper hand. Instead, he pulled Remus down into the mud along with him. Remus cried out and fell face first.

“How’s that for playing dirty?” Roman said with a cackle. A few spectators joined in his jeer.

Remus pulled his mask out of the mud and sputtered. He snuffed and responded, “Please, I love a good mud bath.”

Leo rushed over to their sides. He pulled them up by their arms and scolded, “Now, that’s enough. I want the two of you to shake like you’re supposed to. Be good sports.”

Roman couldn’t see Remus’s glare through the netted mask, but he could feel it. He reluctantly pulled off his mask to shake hands. Remus did the same. The sun blinded Roman for a moment, and he squinted through the change of light. However, his eyes flew open seconds later.

No.

No that couldn’t be right. 

Roman had to be seeing things. That mud had some sort of virus in it, and Roman was seeing double. Well, maybe not double in a literal sense, but still. Remus’s shock mirrored his own, and Roman concluded that the two of them must be having the same thought. For a few seconds, all they did was stare at one another.

If it wasn’t for the fur on Remus’s face (unless that was mud from the fall), Roman would’ve thought he was staring at his doppelganger.

Roman and Remus both grabbed onto each other’s hands and shook their shock away. The squeeze from Remus’s hand caused Roman to squeeze harder, and before they knew it, the two of them were wincing as they tried to crush the other’s hand.

“Alright, that’s enough for now,” Leo announced. “You two go get washed up. We have another activity before the campfire tonight, and I’m sure you’d all like to relax before then.”

The copycats separated, each returning to their own cabin. Elliott and Emile both asked Roman if he was alright. Roman brushed his hurt feelings off with a smile and a laugh. However, his mind kept wandering back to Remus and how startlingly similar they looked to one another. 

Perhaps there was a glitch in the matrix. That's the only explanation Roman had. 

* * *

And that is when things went from bad to worse.

It started out innocently enough. Roman and Remus banished themselves to the farthest space between each other that they could get. Remus stayed in his group of lowlife delinquents, and Roman stayed in his safe little bubble with Elliott and Emile. He even ended up talking to a cute boy named Jet, who may or may not have given Roman his number while sitting across the table and passing notes back and forth. 

Everything was going perfectly.

That’s when Roman felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned, and standing behind him was none other than Remus and his two muppets (Roman was sure their names were Remy and Anton, but don’t ask him which was which). Remus grinned that annoyingly wicked grin.

“Evening, Roman Empire,” Remus greeted.

“What do you want, Re-mucus?” Roman growled.

“Oh deary me,” Remus said in that god awful British impersonation again. Seriously, what was up with that accent? “I do feel just awful about how I treated you during that fencing match and I just wanted to let you know-” Remus put a hand to his chest- “that I’m sorry.”

Roman blinked up at him. A gentlemanly smile appeared on his face as he said, “Apology accepted.”

“Here,” Remus held his hand out. “I’d like to officially shake your hand, you know, as a sort of peace treaty. We can both be the most handsome men here.”

“I beg to differ, but I appreciate the sentiment,” Roman replied. He brought his hand up to shake.

Roman’s hand touched Remus’s palm. A loud buzz sounded, and a strong electric shock traveled up Roman’s arm. He yelped and retracted. His hair stood up on end, sending his already wild hair into an uncontrollable lion’s mane.

Remus laughed, the two flunkies behind him laughed along. He held up his palm, revealing a silver button-like device in his hand, and wiped away a fake tear.

“Oldest trick in the book, and you fell for it,” Remus said with a cackle. “I do wish I could dial it up more. How funny would it be if all the hairs on your body fried off? Or better yet, the hair on your head lit up like a candle! I bet there’s enough hairspray in there to burn for a thousand years!”

Elliott and Emile were at Roman’s side, asking if he was alright. Roman assured them it merely startled him. It was mostly true. A ghost tingle from the buzzer’s shock tickled his funny bone, but otherwise, Remus didn’t hurt anything but his pride.

“I’m shocked you’d stoop to such a common trick,” Roman remarked, “I thought you were more creative than that?”

“Oh, Roman, you haven’t seen anything yet,” Remus promised and winked with both eyes. He turned on a heel, motioning for his two servants to follow him, and left the trio in peace.

“If he bothers you again, we can tell one of the camp counselors,” Elliott offered.

“No, it’s alright,” Roman replied. “I have more dignity than tattling on a bully. Besides, I’m sure I can get even with him.”

“Roman,” Emile warned, “don’t stoop to his level.”

Roman sighed and clenched his hands into fists. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

* * *

And so, the war began.

You would think it would stop after Roman switched out Remus’s deodorant with vanilla fondant. You would think it would stop when Remus put red food coloring into Roman’s shower and turned the water to fake blood. You would think it would stop after Roman painted Remus’s face with sharpies to look like the matchmaker from Mulan. You would think it would stop after Remus put real worms in Roman’s dirt pudding. You would think it would stop after Roman put a bucket over Remus’s door to shower him with ice water.

You would think _someone_ would stop the horrors before something awful happened, but no, they didn’t.

The final straw was when Remus took a picture of Roman singing in the shower (thankfully with his butt facing the camera for a shred of decency) and sent it to Jet through Roman’s phone. To say that Jet was creeped out was an understatement. He politely asked Roman never to speak to him again, which broke Roman’s heart in more ways than one.

“Now is it time to talk to the councilors?” Elliott asked. “I mean, what Remus did was kinda illegal.”

Roman questioned, "And what do you think they’ll do if they actually believe me? Do you think they’ll ban him from camp? Send him home with a nasty letter? Call the police and have him locked up? He’d probably enjoy that last one, actually.”

“But still, we can’t let him keep harassing you like this,” Emile objected.

“If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been giving it right back. I’m just as guilty,” Roman replied.

“Yeah, but Ro, it’s gotta stop,” Elliott said.

Roman’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, it’s going to stop, and I’ll need both of your help.”

“Please don’t drag us into this,” Emile whined.

“Are you both my friends or not?”

Elliott looked between the two of them. “I still think we should tell one of the camp counselors before someone gets hurt.”

“Oh trust me, the only thing that’s getting hurt is Remus’s pride. I’m ending this once and for all.”

“But everything you throw at this guy never works. He’s so…” Elliott’s voice trailed off.

“Twisted,” Roman finished.

“You can’t play his game,” Emile said. “He’s better and winning.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” Roman said with a laugh. His expression darkened. “I’m going to prank him so well, he won’t even think of looking at me again without doubting my superiority.”

Emile and Elliott shared a worried glance. The trio eventually said their goodnights, and they turned off the lights within the cabin.

Well, Elliott and Emile did.

At the stroke of midnight, Roman snuck out of his cabin and started his work. He opened the back window to Remus’s cabin (that Roman conveniently unlocked after lunch) and snuck inside. He used his phone as a flashlight. Sneaking past a snoring Remy and Anton, Roman spied his target and moved in for the kill.

Remus was sound asleep, his white muscle shirt peeking out from a surprisingly tasteful Maleficent castle blanket. An eye mask closed him off from the world. Wrapped in one of his muscular arms was Roman’s victim. Roman carefully lifted Remus’s hand (startling for a moment when Remus snored and mumbled in his sleep... something about frogs) and pulled the stuffed animal from Remus’s grasp. He snuck out the back window and closed it behind him.

In a few hours, Remus’s screams of horror woke the entire camp.

A few curious faces poked out of their cabin doors to see what the fuss was all about. Remus knelt on the ground, clutching his stuffed octopus to his chest, and crying hysterically. White stuffing snowed from it. Towering over the kneeling mess was a yellow pitchfork, no doubt a reference to how Ursula was impaled in “The Little Mermaid.”

“Who did this?” Remus shrieked. Anton and Remy tried to calm him, but Remus wasn’t having it. “Roman, if this was you, I swear-”

“What’s with all the noise?” Joan asked as they rushed over, a few other camp counselors following behind them.

Remus waved the mutilated stuffed purple octopus around. “Look at what Roman did to my Ursula! What monster does that?”

“Alright, Remus, take some deep breaths,” Talyn said as they knelt by Remus’s side. “I’m sure we can stitch Ursula up and get her back to her-”

“YOU!” Remus screeched as Roman came into view. He tossed Ursula into Talyn’s hands and catapulted himself at Roman. Roman screamed as Remus tackled him. They tumbled into the dirt. Roman clawed at Remus’s face to get him off as Remus tried to choke Roman. The two tumbled around to get the upper hand, fists flying and tempers blazing.

“Boys, that’s enough!” Joan yelled.

Leo gladly picked up the two boys by their shirt collars, though they still struggled to hit one another. He separated them as far as his arms would allow.

“You monster!” Remus shrieked. “You killed Ursula!”

“Me? A monster? That’s rich coming from you,” Roman snapped back.

“I’m not the one going around stabbing people!”

“You’re not? That’s not how I remember meeting you. Just repaying the favor.”

“You could’ve stabbed me instead! She was innocent!”

“Boys!” Talyn and Joan thundered at once. They helped Leo separate the two of them, holding them away from each other.

“What’s gotten into the two of you?” Joan asked.

“He took naked photos of me and ruined my relationship,” Roman yelled.

“Wait, what?” Talyn asked, but it fell on deaf ears as Remus screamed back.

“You sharpied my face to look like some amateur drag queen!”

“You made blood come out of the shower!”

"You made me wear vanilla frosting!" 

“That’s enough,” Leo snapped. “It sounds like the two of you need to learn how to get along. I’d say a week together might even things out.”

“They’ll kill each other,” Talyn objected. “They’re ready to kill each other now.”

“The only other choice is to kick them out,” Joan offered.

At that thought, both Roman and Remus stilled. They glared at each other, neither of them wanting to leave the camp in shame because of the other.

“So, it’s their choice,” Leo responded. “Either they stay a week in the get-along cabin or they go home.”

The whole camp held its breath, anticipating the worst. Roman and Remus glared at each other for a long while, both of them having an argument with their eyes but neither wanting to voice their opinion. Joan and Talyn eased their grip. Roman straightened out his shirt while Remus clutched Ursula to his chest and cuddled her close.

“Fine, I’ll room with him,” Roman mumbled.

Remus peeked over Ursula’s flattened head and agreed, “One week of torture won't be so bad.”

“Alright, it’s settled. Now, if you two need any help moving your things, let us know, but I want the two of you moved in by noon,” Leo informed.

The two boys parted ways to gather their things and what little pride they had left. Elliott and Emile helped Roman pack, both not saying a word about the incident. Roman gave them each a hug and thanked them for being so kind. He wished he would’ve listened and gone to one of the councilors before things got this far, but of course, his impulse got the better of him… again.

Roman struggled to get all four bags across the way to the get-along cabin on the other side of the camp. It crossed an old bridge into its own little patch of woods, complete with its own picnic table and shower. Roman grimaced. He hated the thought of sharing all these things with Remus, but what choice did he have? He couldn’t go home and tell his dad how he was bullied at camp. His father would never let him leave again.

With a heavy heart, Roman crossed the bridge between him and Remus. It was going to be a long week.

* * *

Surprisingly though, the week wasn’t as bad as Roman anticipated. The pranks dramatically stopped, and by stopped they came to a screeching halt. Remus didn’t say two words to Roman the whole first day. He instead pinned up photos on the wall beside his bed and kept to himself. Roman watched him work from his own bunk, a sketch pad in hand as his pencil glided over the pages. Even lunch was quiet. The two of them munched in awkward silence, finished, and returned back to their previous activity.

The only storm brewing was the one outside.

As the thunderstorm raged, the lock on the window flew off. The wind rushed in. It scattered and tore Remus’s photos from the wall. With a startled cry, Remus did his best to save his hard work. Roman rushed to the window and struggled to close it back up. He thankfully succeeded. Roman tightened the lock’s bolt, and the window stayed shut, even if it did rattle.

“Thanks,” Remus mumbled. He stood from his bed and picked up the few photos that flew off the display.

“Here, let me help,” Roman said as he bent down to pick up a few. He turned the first one over and stared at the picture in his hand. The boy in the photo wore a pair of thunderstorm underwear and a black muscle shirt and charged at the camera, his cheeks red as a rose and hand outstretched to grab the camera. A smile lit Roman's face. “Is this your boyfriend?”

Remus stopped his work and peeked over Roman’s shoulder. “He's my brother, actually.”

“Oh. How old?”

“His 20th birthday was this January,” Remus informed. Roman hummed. That was only four years older than him. Remus continued, “but you’re definitely not his type.”

Roman shrieked in offense, and Remus snickered. As Roman put a hand to his chest, he argued, “What do you mean I'm not his type?”

“For starters, you’re way too loud.”

“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?”

“Oh, I know. You’re too much like me to be his type.”

Roman scoffed. “We are nothing alike.”

Remus finished pinning up a few more pictures with several thumbtacks hanging loosely from his teeth. He mumbled, “Of course not. I would never stoop so low and steal someone’s favorite stuffed toy and spear them like a trophy outside of someone’s door, even if I am a bit... twisted.”

Roman cringed. He glanced down at the picture in his hand and offered it to Remus. “I am sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me. I was just so… so upset, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I mean, I’m-”

“Not straight,” they said at once, and they shared a laugh. Their voices sounded like a stereo.

Roman continued, “I really am sorry.”

“Eh, I deserved it,” Remus replied. “I really shouldn’t have taken that picture of you in the shower, even if you do have the juiciest booty I’ve ever did see. You must have Britain’s ass.”

Roman blushed at the compliment. He returned to his side of the room and pulled out a cookie tin with sewing supplies in it. 

“I can fix it for you,” Roman offered. “I’m pretty good at giving a patch job if I do say so myself.”

“Really?” Remus asked. He looked at the sad pile of material that was once his favorite stuffed animal and carefully handed her into Roman’s care. A nervous flicker of a smile lit his lips. “I mean, you can’t do any worse to her.”

“I suppose not,” Roman said as he observed the damage. The hole wasn’t too wide. It was replacing the stuffing that would be more difficult. Roman tried evening it out the best he could, stealing some from the limbs and returning the roundness to the head. Once satisfied, he started suturing the hole back together. 

Remus sat criss-cross on his bed and watched Roman’s careful hands in motion. The steadiness almost had him in awe. Almost.

“So, how long have you been sewing?” Remus asked.

“My dad taught me when I was little,” Roman replied. A gentle smile softened his expression. “It’s something we both bonded over- our love of clothes that is. He runs a little bridal shop you might know about.”

“He does?” 

“Of course. He runs Coeur Bridal.”

“Wait, your father is _the_ Patton Coeur? I love his designs! I still remember the Maleficent design, you know, the one that was all black with green accents with padded pointed shoulders and a train the size of Manhattan.”

Roman’s chest swelled with pride. “Oh, that was a beautiful dress. Sold out really quickly too.” 

Remus lit up. “You think he’d make a gown for me one day?”

“Of course. We have a store in New York City I think, or at least we used to.”

Remus clapped his hands together with a triumphant laugh. “Oh, that’s exciting! Everyone told me he wouldn’t.”

Roman glanced over at him, an eyebrow raised. A question lingered on his lips, but he pushed it away for now. He tied off his sewing, held Ursula up in the air to observe his work, and grinned. “There we go. Good as new.”

Remus walked over and picked Ursula out of Roman’s hands. His fingers danced over her body as he examined her for any other sorts of imperfections. However, he came back completely satisfied.

“You _are_ good,” Remus complimented.

“All in a hard day’s work.” Roman swung his legs back and forth over the side of the bed. He observed the other pictures on the wall. Most of them were Virgil, but there were some of the desert, a lot of reptiles, two small brown and white rats (Roman visibly cringed), and a strange man in a nice hat that always had his back facing the camera. “So, are you studying to be a photographer?”

“Nah, it’s just a hobby,” Remus responded. “What I really want to do is be a special effects makeup artist. Nothing gets my blood pumping like seeing oozing wounds on people’s neck or seamless monster makeup, you know what I mean?”

Roman couldn’t, but he could at least admire the level of skill it took. “Makeup artists are very underappreciated in movie productions, especially with CGI in movies nowadays.”

“I know, right? I mean, you can’t tell me Pan’s Labyrinth doesn’t have some of the best makeup you’ve ever seen. My dream is to work for Guillermo Del Toro. His work is truly inspiring.”

Roman nodded his head. Pan’s Labyrinth freaked him out as a child when his friends played it at a sleepover, but he could see someone like Remus enjoying every detail. He much rather preferred the safety of Disney’s fantasy.

“Who’s the other man in your pictures?” Roman asked. He stood up and walked over to Remus’s side of the bed.

“Oh, that’s my pop,” Remus informed. “He runs a beauty magazine in Sacramento, California that celebrates all-natural beauty, no photoshop involved. It’s called “Scales of Beauty.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of that! It’s run by Janus Escamas, right? I got a few magazines with my allowance. I wanted to model for it, but Dad told me I was too perfect to model for it,” Roman responded.

“Well, that’s just silly. Pop uses all sorts of naturally beautiful models. I should know. I’ve been on set when they’re au naturel.” He waggled his eyebrows. Remus shifted through the pictures as he continued, “Pop is kinda self-conscious about his face. He has plaque psoriasis, which is kinda why he started the magazine in the first place. He doesn’t want anyone else to feel like he does, so he started representing imperfections. He told me one day that maybe he’d let me take a photo of his face, but don’t tell him that I have _one_ little picture.”

Remus pulled out a picture with a fine-looking gentleman in a black suit, complete with a silver snake cane and a bowler hat. His face was turned, hiding a majority of psoriasis on his face, but Roman could see the startlingly familiar heterochromatic eyes and pointed nose.

“That’s so weird,” Roman said with a light laugh. “He almost looks like an ex-boyfriend of my dad’s.”

“Oh?” Remus said with a quirked brow. “I don’t think Pop ever mentioned having a British boy toy in his past.”

“Maybe because my dad was living in New York at the time.”

“Well how about that? I was born in New York.”

“Really? What a small world.”

“Yeah. He said that I was his neighbor’s child. She was a real slutty mama.”

“Please tell me you mean surrogate mother.”

“That too! Apparently, she got knocked up and couldn’t keep me, so he adopted me. And now, here I am in all my gay glory.”

Roman let out a low laugh. “How about that? My dad told me the same story.”

Remus snorted. “Oh, the similarities are starting to get uncanny! When’s your birthday? Mine is June 4th.”

“Mine too! I just celebrated my sixteenth birthday.”

Remus’s smile slipped away a tad bit. He brought it back soon after and replied, “How uncanny indeed. I was born on the same day that you are.”

Roman’s mirth started to disappear as well. It was… way too weird. Someone that looks just like him, born on the same exact day, in the same exact state, with a parent that looked eerily similar to his dad’s ex... it couldn’t be a coincidence. 

“Hang on,” Remus mumbled. He pointed his finger in the air. “Pop once told me he dated a fashion designer, but they broke up, and when I told him I wanted one of Patton Coeur’s dresses, he told me Patton wouldn’t make one for me because I was American. What if… what if he said that because-”

“Because my dad and your pop were ex-lovers!” Roman finished and threw his hands up in the air. “That means-” His voice got quiet. “That means… we… we’re…”

“We could be brothers,” Remus finished.

“Remus, we could be twins.” Roman covered his mouth. It turned his shock into a hysterical laugh, and he wiped a tear from his eye. “My whole life, I’ve thought I was an only child, but I have a brother.”

“A twin brother,” Remus corrected.

“Well, how about that? Anything else you’ve been hiding from me, like we have a triplet?”

“No, I swear it’s just me, Pop, and Virgil.”

“Virgil… he’s not our brother too, is he?”

“I mean, yes, but Pop wasn’t involved in the baby making process. As far as I know, Pop adopted him when Virgil was six, but by then we were well out on our own.”

“Yeah… I wonder what happened between Dad and… Pop.” The word tingled on Roman’s lips.

“I don’t know, but it must’ve been something delightfully terrible for Pop to never want to talk about him.”

“I can’t imagine my dad doing anything to anybody that he loved.”

“Well, I certainly can’t imagine my pop being anything but a gentleman.”

“Well, I mean, you _are_ a bit biased.”

“And you’re not?”

“Well, I don’t know about your pop, but Dad would never say a bad word about anyone, even to me. He told me he was once in love with another man, but he never went further than that.” Roman’s eyes grew distant. “He always deserved the world, but he always gave it up so that I could have it.” Roman paused. “Did your pop ever… you know… fall back in love?”

“Nope! Just been us bachelors out on the pad for as long as I can remember. Pop’s not really the lovey-dovey mushy-gushy type, but sometimes… sometimes I catch him staring longingly at a picture in his office, but he always immediately puts it away. I wonder if it could be Patton.”

“But if it is my dad, why did he never try to get back in touch? What could he have done that was so awful that it broke Dad’s heart?”

“I don’t know, but I’m desperate for the juicy inside scoop. You think after all this, we could try and get them to meet up?”

“Dad would never go for that. He hates flying. Besides, if he hasn’t spoken to your pop in almost sixteen years, what makes you think he would now?”

Remus pointed his finger in the air. “We trade places.”

Roman blinked several times. “What? You mean like in “The Parent Trap?”

“Like exactly in The Parent Trap.”

Roman rubbed his chin. “You know what? That’s just crazy and romantic enough to work.” His smile dropped a second after. “But, we’re way too different. They’ll figure it out right away.”

“Roman, I’ll have you know that not only am I a makeup artist, but I’m a fantastic actor,” Remus said and put a hand to his chest. He spoke in a nearly perfect British accent, “I can even sound just like you.”

Roman laughed, and Remus wondered if his attempt wasn’t as good as he thought. Roman shook his head and replied, “But I have no idea how to imitate that… that… _whatever_ accent you have.”

“Transatlantic,” Remus responded. “I learned it in my theater classes and fell in love. It’s not too hard. It’s a mix of British posh and American yank after all. They used it in a lot of talkies back in the day, you know, old movies.”

“I know what a talkie is,” Roman said with a roll of his eyes. “I’m British, not uncultured.”

“You never know.” Remus sat cross-legged on the bed. “Now, sit back, relax, and I’m going to teach you how to talk like the true 1920s gangster you were born to be!”

* * *

For the next seven weeks, Roman and Remus perfected the art of being each other.

Roman did his best to mimic Remus’s speech. It felt weird to speak this way, but eventually, he got the hang of it. It almost reminded him of the way his dad spoke. Patton usually spoke in a British accent, but he would occasionally slip back into an American accent when talking to old friends or American clients.

Likewise, Remus learned how to style his hair just like Roman did. It took forever to brush through the rat’s nest Remus called hair (Roman was sure Remus never brushed it a day in his life) but they eventually pulled through. Remus learned the look a lot faster than Roman learned the accent, but he blamed that on Remus’s already natural talent with cosmetics.

For the whole week, the two of them embraced their twinness and walked around the camp attempting to be each other and fool their friends. The only defining thing between the two of them now was Remus’s twisted mustache.

Any time not spent on each other’s mannerisms and appearance were spent on educating each other about their families.

Roman told Remus all about the young twenty-one-year-old assistant, Logan, who helped keep his father in line. He warned Remus that Logan would be in the house as well, as Patton housed him, and would catch on quickly if Remus messed up. There was also his uncle, Thomas, who lived with them and had a tuxedo and suit store conveniently right next to Patton’s. It wasn’t as well known, but it still did a rather good business. Roman also advised Remus that he was lactose intolerant, so most of his products in the house were dairy-free.

Likewise, Remus warned Roman of Virgil. Virgil prided himself on picking out fake people, and he very much wasn’t fond of Remus at all. Therefore, Roman had to be as horrible as he could toward him. The idea turned Roman’s stomach a bit, but he was sure he could pull it off in the name of his dad’s happiness. The pet rats that Remus kept would be an obstacle, but Remus said that his brother would feed Ratigan and Rizzo if it really came down to it. He also told Roman that he was allergic to mushrooms but still loved to eat them as long as he had his EpiPen, which Roman said wouldn’t be a problem because he absolutely despised mushrooms.

Then, the last day of camp finally came upon them. Roman and Remus had almost completed their transformation into each other. 

Almost.

Roman stared at their last issue in the face. Remus kept twitching, nervously staring in the mirror with a razor in hand. He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

“You sure I can’t just say I grew it at camp?” Remus asked.

“My dad knows I absolutely pride myself on a clean-shaven face, so no dice,” Roman replied.

Remus whined. He turned the razor toward his face and closed his eyes. Roman’s gentle hand on Remus’s wrist stopped him. Remus opened his eyes and stared at Roman’s face in the mirror.

“We don’t have to do this,” Roman said. “We can think up something else to get them back together.”

Remus’s eyes twinkled with something dark. He placed the razor against his lips. With a single swipe, Remus severed one of the waxed circles from his face. Remus twitched his lips back and forth, watching the remains of his mustache wiggle. He brought the razor to the other side and cleaned the other circle clear off as well.

“Look, I’m Charlie Chaplin,” Remus said as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down. Roman couldn’t help but laugh. Remus finished his work and set the razor down on the counter.

The twinsformation was complete.


	2. Himbo in London

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 5,471  
> Chapter Warnings: car crash mention, hornet mention, scar description

**  
**“Now Boarding: Nonstop Flight to London-” **  
**

“That’s yours,” Roman said as he straightened out Remus’s jacket and fussed over Remus’s hair. Remus patted Roman’s hand away and cupped Roman’s cheeks in his hands.

“Roman, it’s going to be fine,” Remus said in a soft voice.

Roman sighed and nodded his head. He pulled his long lost twin into a hug and patted his back. Eventually, Remus returned the hug. He gave Roman a quick peck on the cheek before picking up his backpack (it was actually Roman’s red backpack with Mickey heads all over it but he borrowed it for authenticity) and boarded.

Remus checked the seat number on his ticket. Wow, he expected Roman to fly in style, but Remus never rode in first class before. He preferred to be sandwiched next to some poor unfortunate soul and keep them company for however long they were in the air. Of course, when you were on a seven-hour plane ride, one didn’t simply tolerate the presence of a stranger sitting next to them, he supposed.

Remus sat in the seat and sank down a little. He propped his feet on the leg rest and stared up at the ceiling. Some business executive shoved the last bits of daily work into their laptop across the aisle, and Remus sent a casual smile. The business snob paid him no mind, and Remus shrugged. He plugged in a pair of headphones to his phone and turned on some of his favorite tunes.

Remus must’ve slept through half of the flight because before he knew it, the plane landed. He looked out his window. The skies held one color- gray- and a fine mist sprayed the window. He remembered Roman said the UK got a lot of rain, but he was hoping for a warmer welcome. 

Making sure he didn’t leave Roman’s bag behind, Remus stepped off the plane and through customs. He was sure the cute attendant appreciated his casual flirting, but then again, he never could tell.

With a pounding heart, Remus made his way through the airport terminal. He cursed Roman for bringing so much junk with him and wheeled his belongings through the busy halls. Most signs had multiple languages on them, and Remus giggled to himself as he tried to pronounce some of the words. He couldn’t help it. Foreign languages were funny sometimes.

As he exited the building, he noticed a limousine with a familiar- well as familiar as a picture could make him- man leaning against the window. He pecked his finger at a tablet in his hand, his lips mouthing something Remus couldn’t hear. If he remembered correctly, his name was Logan, and Roman used nerdy nicknames to address him. Remus wheeled his cart up to the car.

“Well, hey there Nerdy Professor,” Remus greeted.

Logan’s head snapped up. Remus expected some sort of smile or greeting, but what he got was an impatient huff.

“You're late. Your flight was delayed, I presume.”

Remus flinched as if he were struck. “Uh, yeah. I got held up in customs. Some lady tried to smuggle in a small lizard.”

“Typical,” Logan mumbled. He opened the back door and motioned for Remus to get inside. Instead, Remus wheeled his things to the trunk and started to load them in. Logan hummed and said, “Well, look at you putting your own luggage away. I’m guessing that camp did more good than I thought it would.”

Remus froze mid-pack. He backed away from the car and let out two nervous laughs. “Oh yes, I forgot. Camp taught me how to be independent, I guess.”

“Good,” Logan responded and put his tablet in the satchel at his side. “Would you like me to assist you?”

“No, no, it’s alright. I got it. Builds muscle.” Remus flexed to emphasize his point.

“Of course. I’ll wait for you in the car.” 

Remus finished loading up all of Roman’s things and took a seat beside Logan. An unknown driver pulled away from the airport, and they traveled through the streets of London. The whole time, all Remus could think about was how they were on the wrong side of the road and would crash in a fiery pit of death. Logan spoke to someone as he tapped away on that tablet in his hands, but Remus paid no attention to him. He was too busy sightseeing from his window. That giant clock must’ve been Big Ben, and there was the London Eye, and he swore that statue moved two seconds ago, but it was probably his imagination.

“Roman!”

Remus jumped. He snapped his head over to Logan, who had a rather angry scowl wrinkling his face, and sent a too-wide smile. He practically purred, “Yes?”

“I know you have trouble focusing, but I thought you’d at least respond the third time I called your name,” Logan scolded.

Remus would’ve argued it technically wasn’t his name, but Logan wasn’t supposed to know that.

Logan cleared his throat and continued, “Now, your dad has cleared the entire afternoon to spend some quality time with you. He apparently wants to know all about your camp experience. I also have a reminder here that the Prince Academy banquet is tomorrow, so I’m sure you’d like to prepare for that tonight.”

“Of course,” Remus responded. He swallowed. Roman didn’t mention anything about the people who attended Prince academy. What if they addressed him? What if they expected him to talk to them like he knew them all his life? What if he forgot those posh manners that Roman taught him and he ended up making a complete and utter fool of himself and damaged Roman’s reputation in the process?

Eh, he’d probably be fine.

The buildings of London faded away to trees as the limo traveled through the countryside. The grass rivaled the color of sparkling emeralds, and the trees occasionally parted to reveal rolling hills of farmland.

Eventually, they pulled up to an iron gate with Coeur written on the brick in swirly letters. The gate opened, and the limo traveled up a stone path to circle around a fountain. Remus rolled down his window and stuck his head out, ignoring Logan’s objections. The mist tickled his skin.

The stone mansion looked more like a stone palace. It towered maybe three stories into the air, and the family crest sat above the doorway. Remus wasted no time opening his door and climbing the marble stairs two at a time. He opened the solid oak double doors and slid to a halt on the marble flooring.

A grand staircase led to the second floor, and two separate staircases swirled up to the third. To his left was a living room. Remus could hear a fireplace crackling, and the white walls had multiple family portraits of Roman and Patton on them. To his right was some sort of library. Remus stepped inside and looked around. A desk sat on the far side, and a brown chair had its back turned to him.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do,” a voice spoke from the other side. Remus craned his neck to get a better look. The chair swiveled, and a man that Remus recognized as Roman’s uncle, Thomas, hung up his cell phone. He looked up and met Remus’s eyes. A smile spread across his face. He stood from his chair and addressed Remus, “Well, look who finally came home.”

Thomas spread his arms open wide, and Remus eyed the invitation. He slowly walked forward and wrapped Thomas into a hug. Thomas hesitated for a moment. Remus worried he somehow hugged Thomas wrong, and he pulled away.

“Something the matter?” Thomas asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Remus responded. “I must smell horrible after being at that camp for so long.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Thomas said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I missed you too much to worry about that right now. You smell fine.”

Remus’s heart twitched a bit with that. He never had someone speak so kindly about him before. Not that his dad spoke badly about him, but he didn’t know what it felt like to be genuinely complimented, to be cared about in such a soft way.

“Thomas,” another voice called their attention, “have you seen my cat jumper? I can’t seem to find it anywhere.”

Into the room stepped Patton, a bespectacled man with cheeks too soft to be human and a smile that could bring world peace. He turned his attention to Remus, and his smile widened, which Remus didn’t think was possible, but apparently, he was wrong. Without hesitating, Patton took five giant steps forward and wrapped Remus into a hug. It melted against Remus’s body in all the right ways, making him feel safe and secure, like nothing in the world could harm him. Patton buried his nose into Remus’s neck. If Remus didn’t know better, he’d say Patton was crying into his shirt. 

Patton mumbled into Remus’s neck, “Welcome home, kiddo.”

Remus’s heart felt like it would explode. He hadn’t gotten this many hugs since he last held his pop's ball python. Is this what Roman got to feel like every day? No wonder he acted like he could take on the world. With a support system like this, Roman had to feel like he could move mountains.

“Hey Dad,” Remus whispered back. He finally remembered it took two people to hug and wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist. Seeing as Patton’s middle was slightly bigger, he didn’t quite encircle Patton’s waist, but it didn’t seem to matter. 

Patton pulled away and rested his hands on Remus’s shoulders. “I know you just got home, but I was hoping to spend the afternoon with you.”

“Yeah, Logan told me,” Remus informed.

Thomas cleared his throat, and he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. He said, “Uh, yeah, about that, Pat. Apparently, they need you down at the shop. Some kind of emergency with one of the brides. She ripped her gown and needs an emergency patch job.”

“Oh, not Dot again I hope,” Patton whined.

“Pretty sure it’s her.”

“Bollucks.” Patton clicked his tongue and sighed through his nose. “Sorry about that, kiddo. I really need to a-dress this situation.”

“Why don’t I come too?” Remus asked.

Patton wrinkled his brow and replied, “Are you sure? I mean, I know you’re probably knackered-”

“But Dad, it’s the chance of a lifetime!”

Patton chuckled, “You help me out all the time, kiddo.”

“I mean for Dot,” Remus responded, trying hard to cover up his excitement, “I mean, she only gets one wedding. Besides, we'd still be spending some quality time together. That’s enough reason, isn’t it?"

“I guess so,” Patton responded.

The front door opened, and Logan struggled to carry all four of Roman’s bags in. He closed the front door with his foot. With a heavy sigh, he picked up two and decided to leave the other two for his second trip.

“Oh, Logan!” Patton called out. Logan stopped and snapped his head in Patton’s direction. “Roman and I are heading out to the shop. Can you do me a favor and make sure his stuff gets put away?”

Logan’s lips stammered to object, but he closed his jaw and gave a silent nod. “Of course.”

“Great! Then you can take the rest of the day off.” With that, Logan let out a long sigh, and he continued up the grand staircase and out of sight. Patton turned to Remus and put his hands on his hips. His smile never faded as he said, “Okay, you ready now, kiddo?”

“I was born ready,” Remus responded. He followed Roman’s dad out to the car, opened the door on the other side of the car instead of taking the one the driver opened for him, and situated himself. His heart pounded. His body buzzed with excitement. Not only was he going to Coeur Bridal, but he was going to do so with _Patton Coeur_ of all people. 

Remus recalled Roman got to do this all the time. Did Roman realize how lucky he was? How Remus would literally kill for this chance? Heck, he surprisingly got it without violence (well maybe a little bit of violence) but it was really happening. Remus couldn’t help the jealous monster in his chest. For a moment, he considered not switching back with Roman at all.

The shops on the street towered over them, and Patton kept glancing over at Remus. A soft laugh left his lips.

“I guess you missed Bristol,” Patton said.

Remus didn’t draw his attention from the window. He sighed and responded, “It’s so different from that camp in New York. There are so many people walking everywhere. I mean, it’s nothing compared to how many people are in New York, but it’s nice, like a hive of happy hornets.”

Patton nervously laughed and responded, “Interesting analogy.”

Remus turned and faced Patton, his heart pounding a lot harder than before. He scootched as close as his seatbelt would allow and patted his legs with his hands. His right leg bounced up and down. Patton watched Remus’s leg with curiosity, but before he could address the oddity, the car stopped in front of the shop.

Remus jumped out of the car and into traffic, earning a few screeches and honks from passing cars, and practically ran to the shop. Patton cried out for him to wait. Remus ignored him. He passed through the swiveling door and froze inside the shop.

Two gorgeous chandeliers hung from the top of the ceiling. Shiny marble reflected Remus’s excitement and squeaked under his shoes. A few large mirrors towered over them, and couches sat behind them to hold the entourage. Dresses were displayed everywhere. A few Remus recognized, like Patton’s Snow White inspired ball gown with apple neckline and the mermaid dress with emerald beads lacing the whole dress. And of course, there was the villain collection Remus always dreamed of trying on one day. Remus drifted over to a pure black dress that had slits of fabric covering a purple underskirt. Obviously, that was the Ursula inspired one.

“Roman, kiddo,” Patton said as he jogged to Remus’s side. “Did you miss the shop that much?”

“It’s like a dream,” Remus whispered under his breath. He shivered as his fingers brushed the beaded bodice of the Ursula dress.

“Oh, Patton,” a voice called. Remus and Patton turned their heads as one and watched a woman with black curly hair approach them. Her smile rivaled Patton’s as she saw Remus. “And Roman! I see you’re back from camp. How was it?”

Remus shrugged and replied, “Compared to all this? Absolutely dreadful.”

The woman smiled and motioned for Patton to follow her. Patton did, and Remus trailed behind him. Remus sent one last longing glance back at the villain dresses and mouthed a “soon” as he disappeared behind a large red curtain.

“Oh, thank goodness,” a woman standing in front of a mirror said as she got down off the stool. She hurried to Patton’s side and wailed, “I tried on my dress at home, and my cat tore up the back. Is there any way you can patch it?”

“Turn around. Let me see the damage,” Patton said and twisted his fingers.

The woman- who Remus assumed was Dot- turned around. The whole back of the dress had several long tears down the back. Patton hummed and rubbed his chin.

“Oh yes, that’s a cat-astrophe, innit?” Patton responded, “but it’s nothing I can’t fix. You’re actually in luck.” Patton put an arm around Remus’s shoulders and pulled him close. “Roman here is one of the best patch job experts I’ve ever seen. He’ll make it look like nothing ever happened.”

“Oh, would he?” Dot swooned. Her dark eyes settled on Remus, and Remus’s stomach dropped. “That would be fantastic. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Remus mumbled.

“Why don’t you go take the dress off, Dot? That way Ro and I can get right to work,” Patton said. Dot nodded her head and returned back to the dressing room.

Remus swallowed hard. He barely passed sewing stuff when Roman attempted to teach him. How was he supposed to sew a wedding dress? He’d ruin it! Then Patton would figure it all out, and his whole plan would be ruined. And what was worse was he had a possibility of upsetting his childhood idol.

“Uh, Dad,” Remus said, “I’m still kinda tired from camp. I don’t know if I’m steady enough to sew a dress.”

Patton furrowed his brow. For the first time, Patton’s smile dropped, and Remus’s heart dropped with it. After a short sigh, Patton responded, “Are you sure? I know you love sewing.”

“I’m absolutely sure,” Remus responded. He didn’t want to mention how he’d probably ruin it by touching it.

“Well, all right. I won’t force you. We can patch up another dress another day,” Patton replied. Remus breathed a sigh of relief. That was a bullet dodged.

Dot brought out the dress, and Patton took it in his hands. He folded it over until he got to the underside and started suturing the seam. As he worked, he hummed a soft song Roman said was their song. Roman and Remus practiced the words so many times in the cabin, but Roman didn’t do Patton’s voice justice. Patton’s tone was so gentle. It sounded like a father comforting his child during a storm. Patton’s eyes glanced up a few times to catch Remus’s reaction, and he chuckled before returning to his work.

Patton said, “Now I know you’re off. You’re not singing along.”

“Should I be?” Remus responded.

Patton laughed, and he shook his head. He said, “Well, you usually do.”

“Oh,” Remus said and patted his pants legs. His chest tightened. What was it called again? He scratched his head. Something about candles… oh. OH! That’s right! It was that song from “Pete’s Dragon,” the one that plays when the woman was- yes! Remus added, “Oh, yes, that one! I love that one.”

Patton smiled, and he started humming the song from the beginning. Remus waited a few minutes. He listened to Patton’s soft voice. The queue to come in started, and Remus started to sing along.

” _I'll be your candle on the water. My love for you will always burn. I know you're lost and drifting, but the clouds are lifting. Don't give up, you have somewhere to turn.”_

Remus practiced this song so many times with Roman. He hit every note, learned every dip, every curve, every trick chord. Yet, sitting here in the dress shop of his dreams, singing along with an over-affectionate father, and a song about the support Remus wished he had back home? That brought tears to his eyes. His voice cracked when he sang “Keep holding on. You’ll make it.” and Patton’s humming trailed off.

“Kiddo, you okay?” Patton asked.

“I’m just,” Remus rubbed the tears from his eyes with his palms. “I’m just… this is so nice, and I-”

“Oh, Roman,” Patton cooed as he scooped Remus up into his arms. He placed a kiss to Remus’s forehead and rested his chin on top of his head. He gently started rocking them side to side while taking deep breaths for the two of them. “It’s okay. You go ahead and cry.”

Damn, that broke Remus, and he put his head into Patton’s shoulder for support. He didn’t know how long he stood there in Patton’s arms, but he didn’t care. He only knew Patton for about an hour, yet he trusted him already with everything. 

“Roman-”

Well, almost everything.

“-kiddo, if you want, you can go back to the car and rest. I mean, I can see how exhausted you are.”

“I think maybe I’ll sit in the lobby for a bit,” Remus said. “A bit of fresh air might do me some good.”

“Alright,” Patton said as he pulled away. Remus held on a little longer, and Patton gave him one last squeeze.

Remus pulled away and wiped the tears from his eyes. Patton even waited until Remus let go. Too much. This was too much. It was so much more than he was expecting, and he never wanted it to go away. He blew Patton a kiss as he walked away (which Patton adorably returned) and walked out into the lobby. Remus passed the red curtain and froze in place. 

A rather angry woman in a ridiculously large hat argued with the woman who was sugar sweet to him when he arrived. The greeter obviously had her customer service smile on and spoke softly, even if the woman screamed that she demanded to see Patton. A bit of a protective flare lit Remus’s gut. While he loved to watch a good catfight, something about the stranger rubbed him the wrong way. 

“Is something wrong?” Remus asked. 

Both women turned to him, one with relief and the other with annoyance. 

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong,” the stranger snapped. Remus noted her accent was distinctly American. “I flew all the way here from California to get one of Patton’s dresses from Patton himself, and this rude woman keeps insisting he canceled all his appointments.”

Remus furrowed his brow, but then his eyes flew wide open. He was sure he knew her! She looked and acted like the stupid model that was getting really friendly with his pop before he left. Charlotte, if he remembered right. A flame of hatred lit in Remus’s gut. How dare she come here and taint Patton with her presence too? He tried to keep his disdain in check. Roman had no reason to hate this woman, but Remus had every right. He just had to remember that he was acting. After all, there was a slight chance that this was just some wild coincidence. There were plenty of American women who looked like her after all.

Remus clasped his hands together and responded in the most sickeningly sweet tone he could muster, “Well, he did cancel all his appointments. He’s-”

“I don’t care! My wedding is in two months, and I need a dress now!”

“Two months?” Remus’s jaw dropped open. “You do know how long it takes to make a dress, right?”

“I really don’t care. These are some of the best dresses in the world, and I swore I’d wear one on my wedding day. Now, where is Mr. Coeur?”

Remus grinned as he gestured to himself and responded, “He’s right here, actually.”

The woman eyed him over and curled her nose up. “Aren’t you a little young to be romancing a 41-year-old man?”

“Oh, honey,” Remus said in as patronizing a tone as he could muster, “didn’t anyone tell you that Patton had a son?”

The woman’s attitude did a complete turn around as she laughed and put a hand to her chest. “Well, I’ll be damned. I didn’t know Patton had such a handsome son! It’s so nice to meet you.”

Remus hummed a laugh, obviously not buying a word. He heard his pop use that tone way too many times to be fooled. The woman held a hand out for Remus to kiss, and he shook it instead. She looked a bit taken aback but didn’t say another word.

“Now, you were saying?” Remus coaxed. Honestly, he didn’t want to help her, but perhaps he could play with her a bit. After all, if there was one thing he liked, it was messing with people.

“Oh, yes! I met my husband-to-be while at a photo shoot. He practically fell head over heels for me. It was love at first sight.”

“How sweet,” Remus replied. “Does he drool when he snores?”

The woman blinked. “Um, excuse me?”

“How do his feet smell when he takes his shoes off?” Remus asked. “If it doesn’t drop a needle off every cactus, what’s the point? Oh! Also, does he chew with his mouth open or closed? I mean, who doesn’t want to see peas and mashed potatoes blended in a beautiful melody of puke green, the finest color ever invented?”

The woman made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat, and Remus faked a gasp. He put his hands to his cheeks and continued, “You don’t know all these things? Oh, honey, I can tell you right now, if he isn’t a disgusting ogre, he’s only marrying you for your money. I mean, look at every Disney prince out there-”

“You know what?” the woman said as she held up her hands. “Forget I asked. I’ll go somewhere else.”

“No, wait! I have the perfect dress in mind for you. I do have my dad’s entire collection memorized, and we have a dress that will probably fit your figure perfectly. What are your measurements, dearie?”

“Oh?” The woman hummed. “I’m a 36-24-38, and that’s in inches, not meters.”

“I should hope so,” Remus grumbled, earning a snort from the greeter. He wiggled his eyebrows at the greeter, and she rolled her eyes. He then turned his attention back to the not so screechy anymore stranger. “Yes, I do believe we have just the dress for you. Follow me.”

Remus led her over into the villain collection, and he started thumbing through the dresses. The woman grimaced and turned around.

“I was hoping for something a little more sexy if you know what I mean,” she said.

“Well, good! This is one of the sexiest dresses we have, and honey, it _screams_ you.”

She shifted impatiently from one foot to the other, both hands on her hips and head tilted back to gaze out the top of her nose. Remus caught his victim. 

“Aha! Here we are!”

The dress in question was mostly black. It had tanktop-like sleeves and a v-neck that split well past the chest. Crisscross strings mimicked a front corset. The top shimmered like a million diamonds. It looked rather form-fitting, then flared out around the knees in a trumpet bell fashion and faded into an ashy white. Remus turned the dress over, and from the sleeves, two stark white pieces of cloth drug on the ground behind the dress. It looked like a cape split in two.

“Well,” the woman said as she took the dress from Remus’s hand, “it definitely leaves an impression.”

“I’m pretty sure it comes with a white hat as well. You look like a lady with excessive hat interests to me.” Remus looked through the hat collection and pulled out his victim. The white cloche hat had a red feather stuck in a black band running around the base. A black netting covered the front like a funeral hat, and a white veil flowed down the back.

The woman took it into her hand and turned it over. She hummed and looked up. “Yes, I think that'll do nicely. Where’s the changing room? I’d love to try it on.”

“Right this way,” Remus said and led her to another red curtain. She disappeared behind it. Remus put his hands on his hips as he let out a sigh through his nose.

Clapping behind him turned his attention. The greeter woman walked over to him.

“Thanks for saving me,” she whispered.

“Oh, no problem. I’ve dealt with worse.”

She lightly laughed. “Yeah, that’s true. What a tosser.” She paused. “Did you intentionally give her the Cruella De’Vil inspired dress, or-”

“You know me. What do you think?” Remus responded. “If she’s gonna act like a villain, she might as well play the part.”

The woman stepped out in the dress, and she stood in front of the mirror. She twirled around, admiring how low cut and how well the dress hugged her. The low cut dress showed off a long scar that went between her breasts. Remus narrowed his eyes. He knew that scar-

“It’s perfect,” she marveled.

“Well, hello there,” Patton’s voice called from the other side of the room. He stepped out into the lobby, his eyes going between the three people. “Can I help you with something, miss?”

“Oh, Patton Coeur, as I live and breathe!” she said as she jumped off the platform. She stopped a few feet away, and Remus hated the fact that she got so close to Patton. “It’s so nice to finally meet the face behind some of the most gorgeous wedding dresses I’ve ever seen. I saw them in a magazine once, and I swore I just had to have one.”

Patton examined her dress and responded, “Well, it does suit you rather nice.”

“It’s perfect! I’ll take it.”

Patton grinned and peeked over his shoulder. “Cassie, can you check her out?”

“Of course,” the greeter, now affectionately named Cassie (oh, this was the ray of sunshine Roman talked about) said as the Cruella copy cat went back into her dressing room to change. 

Patton furrowed his brow and whispered, “I thought I canceled all my appointments for today.”

“You did,” Cassie informed. “I watched Logan do it three weeks ago. She didn’t have an appointment. Just came in and started demanding to see the dresses and you.”

“What’s her name?”

Cassie snorted, “Charlotte Webber. What a name.”

“Innit,” Patton responded.

Remus stopped himself from choking. So it _was_ that spoiled little rich snob that was getting way too friendly with his pop. His stomach boiled. The thought of her getting married and moving as far away from them, however, did put a smile on his face.

Patton sighed and scratched his head as he answered Cassie, “Well, you’ll have this. The perks of being in the bridal business. Roman, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Remus shook the thoughts from his head before he replied, “Of course, Dad.”

Patton motioned for Remus to follow him into the room he previously resided in. The woman, Dot, had put on her dress and now admired the back from the mirror. She snapped her head over to the two of them with a pleased smile on her lips.

“Oh, it’s perfect! You did such a great job,” she said and ran to Patton, putting both of his hands in hers. “I don’t know what I’ll ever do to repay you.”

Patton smiled back and replied, “Just don’t wear it around your cat and you should be fine.”

Dot turned to Remus, her eyes sparkling, and said, “Your father is an amazing man. You should be proud.”

“I am,” Remus replied, earning a small smile from Patton. 

Dot exited the room to take off her dress. Patton had such a sappy smile on his face that Remus wondered if Patton broke. Seconds later, he shook his head and sighed through his nose.

“It gets tough sometimes, but I live for those little moments when the bride is happy,” Patton informed. Remus nodded his head. Patton then turned to him and said, “Now, about what I wanted to talk about-”

“I’m not in trouble, am I?” Remus asked.

Patton laughed and shook his head no. He said, “It’s about the banquet tomorrow. I know you hate them, so I was wondering if you wanted to skip and spend the day together with me. You know, like we were supposed to today.”

“Skip the banquet?” Remus repeated. He thought long and hard about Roman and what Roman would do. Roman seemed the type to love large socials. He basked in any glory he’d get. But this was Patton, and he had no idea if Roman would trade socializing to hang out with Patton. Still, Remus was curious to see more of the world that Roman lived in, and he shook his head. “No, I made a promise to go, and you know I’m a man of my word.”

“I thought you’d say that,” Patton replied with a forced smile. Remus almost felt guilty. “Well, if you’re sure. I mean, we have the rest of the month to hang out together, so another time.”

“Yeah,” Remus echoed.

Patton exited the room, and Remus’s smile dropped. Did he have the rest of the summer? Roman never specified when they’d be switching back, but Remus really didn’t want to go anytime soon. Patton was adorable and amazingly funny and loving and… Remus really didn’t want to give that all up. As far as he was concerned, he could pretend to be Roman for the rest of his life.

A snort left his nose. He wondered how Roman was doing in his household. It definitely would be a culture shock, and Remus wondered how long before Roman cracked and gave up their secret. He’d have to try and call him to see if he was doing alright.

After all, it should be early morning there by now. Hopefully Roman survived the flight.


	3. California Brit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 5,399  
> Chapter Warnings: shoulder grabbing, reptiles (gators and turtles and snakes oh my), conversations about eating insects, brotherly insults, gross humor, mentions of body horror, dead animal mention

Roman exited the plane and looked around. Since his flight left early in the morning, Remus arranged to stay overnight at the airport to leave around seven in the morning. Thankfully that left Roman open to see Remus off for his red-eye flight, and he slept… somewhat soundly. The airport hotel was nothing compared to the four-star hotels he usually slept in, but after sleeping on a camp mattress, it wasn’t so bad.

The first thing he noticed about California was hot. Way hot. Not the same kind of soupy hot as New York, but the kind of hot you got when you opened the oven. Dry and relentless. He’d have to moisturize several times a day with this heat.

Roman looked around the exit gate for any familiar faces. He grabbed Remus’s single bag and headed toward the taxi pickup area. He couldn’t find Virgil or Remus’s pop (his pop?) Janus anywhere. 

Two hands grabbed onto Roman’s shoulders, and he let out a less than civilized scream. Several people turned to stare. Roman’s cheeks burned hot as he spun around. He met two-colored eyes, both narrowed by the delight of their smile. Roman’s embarrassment bubbled in his gut.

“Well, wasn’t that the bravest noise I’ve ever heard,” Janus purred, his voice smooth as butter.

Roman nervously laughed and did his best to slip into Remus’s accent again, “Just practicing for the opera.”

“Of course you were,” Janus said and patted Roman’s cheek. He stepped past Roman and toward the parking garage. “Come on. We have to get back as soon as possible.”

“For what?” Roman asked as he picked Remus’s bag back off the floor and hurried after.

“The sanctuary, of course. I know for a fact that Speedy missed you.”

Roman swallowed. Oh, right, the reptile sanctuary. The one that was filled with snakes and lizards and other scaly things that made Roman’s skin crawl. It wasn’t that he was afraid, it’s just they were slimy and unpredictable and venomous and would probably swallow him whole. 

They crossed through the parking garage to a rather small car that looked like it only fit four people. Roman put his- Remus’s- bag in the back of the trunk, mumbling about how Janus didn’t even make a move to help him, and got in the car. He buckled up and remembered that Americans drove on the other side of the road, got out, and sat in the passenger’s side.

“So,” Janus said as he pulled out of the parking place. “I hope you had a dreadful time because you are definitely never going back.”

“What? Who says? I’m not a child anymore. I’m sixteen years old,” Roman snapped back. 

“Well, defensive today, aren’t we?” Janus said with a snort. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were actually mad at me.”

“Well- shouldn’t I be?” Roman asked.

“I mean, it’s not like I meant a word,” Janus responded in a low tone.

Roman’s head snapped over to Janus, his jaw dropped. Janus rose a brow and glanced over at him from the corner of his eye. Roman recalled that Janus liked to use a lot of sarcasm, which, unfortunately, Roman was absolutely horrible at detecting, which made him the butt of a lot of jokes back home. At this rate, he’d probably blow his cover in no time.

“Oh,” was all Roman could mumble. He did his best to look sheepish and replied, “I’m sorry, Pop. I’m just tired from my long flight.”

“Apology accepted,” Janus responded in a sincere voice. The slight smile on his face brought one to Roman’s as well. It disappeared soon after, and Janus kept glancing at him through the corner of his eye. 

Roman asked, “Something wrong?”

“It’s just,” Janus chose his words carefully, “you’re short a face ferret.”

“A what?” Roman asked with a tilt of his head.

“Your mustache. It’s gone.”

“Oh!” Roman forgot to think up an excuse as to why he was cleanly shaven. He cursed. This probably meant he’d have to learn how to grow a mustache. His skin itched already. “I, uh, it kept getting ruined with bug spray, so I shaved it off.”

“You used bug spray?” Janus asked with mock shock.

“Yes. I was being eaten alive.” It wasn’t a lie.

Janus chuckled, “I told you one day karma would get you for eating all those worms.”

 _He did what?_ Roman’s mind screamed. He went stock still, and he blinked a few times as he processed the information.

Janus popped an eyebrow, a half-smirk on his face. He continued, “Don’t tell me you forgot how much you loved to eat worms. And crickets. And any other type of bug I tried to feed the reptiles. I had to ban you from the sanctuary every mealtime.”

Roman did his best to try holding his sickness in his stomach and laughed. Acting, he was acting. “Oh, yes, how could I forget the forbidden gummy worms? Slimy, yet satisfying.”

That made Janus laugh. The sound brought such a warmth to Roman’s chest that he couldn’t help but smile too. It wasn’t light like his father’s, but it was sincere and loud and unapologetic. He loved it. 

Janus continued down a long road with nothing between them and the hot sun but speeding metal and tinted glass. Roman glanced out the window and took in the scenery. He hoped there was a lot of sunblock at the house. Thankfully because of camp, Roman got a bit of a tan to match Remus's darker skin, but he didn't know how well it would last against the strong sun of California.

Janus turned down a dirt road, and the overhead sign of "Scalie's Angels" swung back and forth. Roman did his best to stare at it as long as he could. 

"Welcome home," Janus announced. Roman's head turned to him, and he sent a soft smile.

The sanctuary itself mirrored Mexican architecture, it's smooth tan clay outside accented by beautiful brown wood. The car stopped next to what Roman assumed to be a garage, and Janus put the car in park. He sat there for a moment and glanced over at Roman.

“Well, go ahead,” Janus said with a gesture of his hand. “Go say hello.”

Roman swallowed hard. His heart raced at the thought of being in there with all those reptiles, but he also knew if he stayed in the car he’d be boiled alive, so he was dead either way. With the best smile he could fake, Roman popped out of the car and took a deep, shuddering breath.

“I can do this,” he mumbled over and over under his breath. He hid the shake of his hand as he reached for the door handle and stepped into the equally warm sanctuary. Large glass containers lined the walls, and a heat lamp warmed each one. Roman couldn’t hear a single thing, but the smell was something he’d never forget. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was… uniquely snake. 

A large desk with a filing cabinet sat in the corner, and several pictures of Remus and his brother, Virgil, lined the wall. In each picture, some sort of reptile was in their hand. There was one with Remus carrying a snake way longer than him, one with Remus laying on his stomach behind the biggest turtle Roman had ever seen, one with Remus holding some sort of lizard on his lap, and several others that Roman would probably look at later. Right now, he had a more pressing question in the back of his mind.

“Uh,” Roman looked around. He swallowed hard and gave a nervous laugh as Janus stepped in the room behind him. “Where is everyone? Did they see me coming and leave?”

“No,” Janus said with a laugh. “Fortunately, no one has been really sick since you left.”

“Huh, maybe it is me after all,” Roman mumbled.

Janus snorted and patted Roman’s shoulder. He walked through the room and stopped at a screen door on the other side. “Well, come on. They’re all eager to see you.”

Roman swallowed hard, sucked up all the courage he could muster, and followed Janus out the door. Whatever he was expecting wasn’t this.

The sanctuary itself looked like a playground. At the base of the door was a set of stairs that lead to a walkway looming over several reptile enclosures. Roman followed Janus up the stairs and peered over the rail at all the different reptiles outside. He saw several alligators, crocodiles, turtles, and tortoises all living in groups he assumed were their species. There were so many. How did Remus tell them apart?

Janus descended the stairs at the other end of the walkway and onto solid ground. Roman followed him like a lost puppy. He couldn’t help staring at all the animals lazing about in the sun. It was like being at a zoo but better.

“I’m going to get some meat to feed Ginger if you want to go spend time with Speedy,” Janus said.

Speedy? Oh, right! That was the tortoise that Remus loved. 

Roman smiled and bounced on his toes the same way Remus did. He answered, “Oh, okay! Thanks pop.”

Janus watched Roman walk away, and he creased his brow. “Remus.”

“Yeah pop?”

“The food house is the other way.”

Oh.

“OH!” Roman smacked his forehead. “Gosh, I’m so silly. I just got so excited to see Speedy that I forgot I needed food.”

“Uh-huh,” Janus said. He shook his head. “Well, go on, then.”

Roman let out a nervous laugh before he traveled in the other direction. He squeezed between narrow walkways and more hungry eyes than he probably wanted to see in his lifetime. As Roman passed through the enclosures, he started to see familiar sights. Which, when you were lost in a maze of animal homes, was not a good thing.

“Why didn’t I ask Remus if I could keep the map of this place?” Roman mumbled. Unfortunately, he remembered exactly why. Remus wanted him to take it, but Roman was certain he memorized the entire map and wouldn't need it.

Stupid pride.

Eventually, after what felt like hours, Roman stumbled upon a building affectionately labeled “food and supplies”. He opened the door and took a deep breath. It smelled like the vegetable aisles at the stores back home.

Thankfully, each crate of food had the animal’s species listed on it. He pulled out a few lettuce leaves in the tortoise box and headed back out into the maze of exhibits.

“Now, if I were a tortoise, where would I hide?” Roman mumbled. He walked through the pathways and kept a close eye on the reptiles he passed. Most to his surprise didn’t make a move to even look at him. Perhaps these animals were a lot more chill than he expected.

After he escaped, he caught sight of a large chicken wire enclosure with several small turtles laying in a pond. Roman took a moment to coo over how cute they all were. He followed the chicken wire to another enclosure with slightly bigger turtles.

“Remus said Speedy was a large tortoise and I couldn’t miss her,” Roman mumbled to himself. He continued walking along the enclosures until he spotted a giant rock in very tall grass that was not a giant rock at all. The name “Speedy” was pinned to the fence, along with the words “Aldabra Giant Tortoise” scribbled underneath it. 

“Well, hello there, Speedy. Nice to meet you,” Roman said as he hopped over the fence. Speedy’s head glanced over toward him. As Roman approached, the tortoise noticed the bucket of leaves in Roman’s hand and started shifting to greet him.

Roman plopped the bucket down and got on his knees. The giant reptile was slightly bigger than him on the ground. It excitingly terrified him. Roman reached in and grabbed one of the large leaves in his hand. Speedy stopped for a moment to examine the plant before opening her mouth. She chomped down on the leaf and pulled. Roman let go of the leaf in surprise more than intentionally. He didn’t expect her to be so strong!

“Wow,” Roman whispered as he reached out to touch her shell. The smooth bumps beneath his fingers felt like a rough fingernail. He watched as Speedy tipped over the bucket and chomped on the leaves that spilled out. A small laugh left Roman’s throat as he watched. “Well, I guess someone’s a bit impatient.”

The tortoise answered with more ravenous crunching.

Roman turned his attention to the other surrounding enclosures. How did Remus know how to take care of them all? Obviously, he lived here his whole life so he would have an idea, but to remember so many facts about so many different animals was incredible.

“-good time,” Janus’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Roman shook his head and turned around. Remus’s pop stared down at him with a fond expression, his finger tapping on the edge of the chicken wire fence.

“Yeah, I sure missed her,” Roman answered.

“And she missed you. I tried feeding her the first week, and she ignored me. Can you believe the nerve?”

Roman snorted through his nose. An awkward pause settled between the two of them, and Roman watched Janus scratch at a large patch of pink skin underneath his sleeves. Roman wondered if that was from an animal or the psoriasis Remus talked about.

Janus continued, “I have a photoshoot to go to this afternoon, but I’ll be back later-”

“Can I come?” Roman asked.

Janus blinked twice before he answered, “I guess so, but don’t you want-”

“Of course not! I mean, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you, and I missed you more than… more than Shrek misses onions.”

Janus full out laughed at the analogy and shook his head. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sure if you want to come with I can squeeze you in the schedule. After all, I’m sure you’re dying to see your brother after all this time.”

Roman paused. Virgil would be there. Wait, this was one of the sarcasm things Remus talked about, wasn’t it? You would think for a British person he’d be better at detecting dry humor, but apparently, he was the exception to the rule.

“Oh of course. Who could forget Nightmare on Emo Street,” Roman responded.

“Nightmare on-” Janus snorted, “that’s one I haven’t heard yet.”

Roman couldn’t help but smile. Something about the way Janus laughed at his humor set his heart aflame. Perhaps he could get used to living in California after all if this was the way Janus would respond to his humor.

For the rest of the morning, Roman traveled at Janus’s side as they took care of the animals. Thankfully, Remus gave him just enough instructions that he knew what to do. According to Janus, they wouldn’t have to feed the snakes for four more days, so Roman could hold off on his fear for a little bit.

Once the afternoon sun got too high in the sky and most of the reptiles were hiding in their little nooks and crannies, Janus grabbed the keys from his belt and headed back to the office.

“You’re sure you want to come to the photoshoot with me?” Janus asked.

“Yes!” Roman said as he bounced on his toes.

Janus chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, but first I need to go to the house and pick up a few things. While we’re there, you can dump your stuff from camp in your little trash can of a bedroom.

“I-” Roman stopped himself, “yes, maybe I should. Gotta go say hello to my two lovely rats.”

Janus locked up the front door of the animal sanctuary, and Roman hurried into the car. He ran a hand through his sweaty hair and groaned. He needed a shower so bad, but Remus’s hygiene schedule was absolutely horrible, so for now, he’d have to get used to the feeling of being smelly. Good thing he sort of learned how to at camp.

The two took off down the dirt road once again, and Roman marveled at the natural surroundings of California. He only heard stories about it, but he was surprised to find out how barren the area Remus called home was. He was sure it was filled with surfer dudes and beach bums and Instagram girls and right now, it was nothing but dirt. Lots and lots of dirt.

No wonder Remus loved being dirty so much.

As they rounded the corner onto a long paved driveway with a gate, Roman felt like rolling down his window and sticking his head out. The house at the end of the driveway was way bigger than his with white walls, beautiful glass stained windows, and a porch swing. Shrubs lined the side of the driveway and were sculpted to perfection. The grass was a light olive green that was actually pleasant to look at with the mixed in yellows. 

“Welcome home,” Janus said beside him. He glanced at Roman out of the corner of his eye, and for the first time, that gaze brought chills to Roman’s skin. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that Janus was suspicious now.

The car parked in the driveway, and Roman stepped out into the baking California air once again. He started to walk toward the house when he remembered his things in the back of the car. Quickly backtracking, he found Janus pulling it out of the trunk.

“Oh, I’ll get that,” Roman said.

Janus held his hand out and shook his head. He answered, “No, I’m sure you’re still exhausted from our day out and the flight home. I’ll get your bag.”

Roman sent a nervous smile and turned on his heel. The two of them walked up the marble staircase and into the double wooden painted doors.

Inside the house was just as beautiful. The living room invited them in. A staircase to the second floor stood to their right and a place to hang their coats to their left. A large stone fireplace sat to the side of three couches, all a rich brown color, and the hardwood looked like solid oak.

“Virgiiiil,” Janus belted out, making Roman nearly jump out of his skin. 

“Whaaaat?” A voice yelled from somewhere upstairs.

“We’re home,” Janus replied. He set the bags at the base of the stairs and walked toward the kitchen. As he left, he called over his shoulder, “I’ll be back. I want to order a pizza for us after the shoot. Mushrooms and anchovies okay with you?”

Roman froze. Remus never mentioned what he liked on his pizza. However, mushrooms and anchovies sounded like something he’d eat, even if he hated mushrooms and the cheese would give him more problems than he’d know what to do with.

“Sounds delightfully delicious,” Roman responded with a wiggle of his fingers. Janus sent him a sly smirk, and he disappeared into the kitchen. That chill ran down Roman’s spine again, and he wondered if there was something he wasn’t being told.

“Oh great, it’s back,” a low voice spoke from the stairs. Roman turned, and his heart nearly jumped out of his throat. Here was the same Virgil from the pictures that Roman fell in love with, beautiful eye makeup running down his cheeks, hair that puffed in bedheaded glory, eyes so narrowed in a squint that they might as well be closed, and nose upturned like he smelled something undesirable. The only thing that truly threw Roman was Virgil wearing a hoodie on the hottest day of Roman’s life. 

Virgil stopped at the base of the stairs and eyed Roman over. He shrugged his shoulders and growled, “What? You forget what I looked like or something, trash rat?”

The insult shook Roman back to his senses. He remembered the “endearing” way Remus and Virgil spoke to each other, and he pushed a sleazy smile onto his face. “Heya, emo disaster.”

“What happened to your face? You lose a bet or something?” Virgil asked with a raised brow.

“Shaved it off at camp,” Roman answered and wiggled his upper lip. “Didn’t want to get it stuck in someone’s-”

“Please! Please don’t finish that sentence,” Virgil interrupted with a curled nose. He turned his head and asked, “Where’s Pop? I want to ask him something.”

“He just went into the kitchen to order pizza.” Roman wiggled his fingers. “Hope you like mushrooms and anchovies.”

Virgil mumbled a “gross” before he paused. “Wait, mushrooms?”

“Yes, of course.” Roman rose a brow. He put a hand to his chest in mock surprise, “You mean, you don’t like mushrooms on your pizza?”

“Not really, no,” Virgil grumbled then dry chuckled. “Just didn’t expect you to have a death wish this soon.”

Roman stopped. Wait, did Remus mention being allergic to mushrooms? He sucked in a deep breath. He did!

“Wait, Pop!” Roman called out. He caught Janus leaning on the kitchen counter, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and his thumb just about to end the call. Innocent golden and brown eyes glanced up at Roman. They stared right into Roman’s soul, and that’s when he knew.

He knew.

“You know,” Janus said as he scratched the red patches on his forearms.

Roman laughed nervously “I can explain-”

Janus held up a hand, silencing Roman’s words. He continued, “You didn’t let me finish.”

Roman snapped his jaw shut with an audible click, and Janus’s grin widened. He stood from the counter and moved toward Roman like a python slithering towards its meal. Roman refused to take a step backward. Instead, he set his jaw and puffed out his chest in confidence.

Janus stopped in front of Roman and folded his arms over his chest. His stare made Roman’s head drop slightly, but Janus’s gentle finger guided Roman’s eyes up to look at him again.

“You know, I just got your EpiPen order refilled, so it’s no problem that you want mushrooms.”

Wait.

“What?” Roman asked.

“That’s what you were coming to tell me, right? That you didn’t know if your prescription was refilled?” Janus rose a brow.

“Of course!” Roman answered and nodded his head.

Janus studied him for a moment longer before he took his finger from Roman’s chin. As Janus walked over toward the fridge, Roman let go of all the air in his lungs. He watched Janus get a glass of water and drink at an alarmingly fast rate.

“I’ll be heading to the photoshoot in about fifteen minutes if you want to take your stuff upstairs a while,” Janus said. 

Roman nodded and scurried out of the kitchen faster than he could say okay. He grabbed his bags and zipped up the stairs, completely ignoring Virgil at the bottom until he heard Virgil whisper “the hell is wrong with him?”

Roman slammed his door shut and tried to breathe his heartbeat back to a normal pace. He flung his suitcase down on his bed and pulled out his phone. Flopping onto his stomach, he sent Remus a quick text.

_“I almost royally fucked up”_

As Roman waited for a text, he wondered if Remus would even answer. He had to be having the time of his life with Patton at the moment. Roman couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. He never thought about having to share his dad with anything but work before. Now, he had a brother that was stealing the spotlight from him.

Roman took a deep breath in and out. Easy there. He could do this. The mushroom thing was just a minor setback. Janus didn’t know, and Roman was just being paranoid.

After fifteen minutes passed and Remus never texted back, Roman readied himself to go to the photoshoot with Janus. He avoided the mirror, not wanting to even dare see what he looked like right now. As he descended the stairs, he saw Virgil and Janus whispering to each other.

“Hey, don’t you know it’s rude to talk about people while they’re gone?” Roman called out rather loudly as he jumped the last step. “I’ll get the feeling you don’t really want me around.”

“When do I ever want you around?” Virgil asked with a raised brow.

“Oh, you love me, stormcloud,” Roman belted out. He wrapped an arm around Virgil’s neck and pulled him in close. Virgil sputtered insults and curses as he squirmed to get out of Roman’s grip. Eventually, Roman let him go, and Virgil coughed as he fixed his hoodie.

“Well, now that the sibling bonding moment is over,” Janus said with a smirk, “are you ready, Remus?”

“As ready as a dog in heat,” Roman responded.

The snort from his father and utter disdainful look from Virgil made up for the language Roman knew his dad would berate him for. It was almost fun being this crude.

“Have fun. I need a shower to melt off my entire skin,” Virgil grumbled as he headed up the stairs.

“Oh please take pictures. That sounds delightfully horrifying,” Roman purred. Virgil flipped the bird over his shoulder, not even bothering to turn around on the stairs and acknowledge Roman’s words.

Roman prided himself on his acting for a moment. Being a little mean to Virgil was easier than he thought it would be.

Janus and Roman exited the house, and they traveled down the streets of California again. Roman wondered if all Americans drove this much. It seemed like it took hours just to get anywhere. All this traveling and not once had he seen a beach.

Why was this state so big?

As they traveled, Roman noticed the radio was turned off. He glanced over at Janus, who had a rather concentrated look on the road and a stern pull on his lips. Roman chewed on his lips.

“Can I pick your brain?” Roman asked.

“Only if you promise not to eat it,” Janus responded.

“Aww,” Roman whined. He noticed the smirk return to Janus’s face, which in turn made him smile as well. Roman continued, “Okay, okay, you have my word.”

Janus took a deep breath in and let a deep breath out. He stared at the road for a few minutes before he whispered, “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?”

Roman blinked. He pushed a bewildered look on his face and responded, “Well, that depends on what you’re asking me, Pop.”

“I mean,” Janus sucked in a deep breath and let it out again. “I mean with Charlotte.”

Roman’s heart stopped. Charlotte? Who was Charlotte? Was that someone that his pop was dating? Remus didn’t mention his pop seeing anyone right now. Of course, why would Remus agree to get Patton and his pop together if Janus was already seeing someone? Roman chewed on his lip, trying to choose his response carefully.

Janus continued, “I mean, she’s been working for the magazine for almost a year now, and I just… I think it might be possible.”

Roman’s heart pounded and he asked, “Um, I think a bedbug ate my brain at camp because I have no idea what we’re talking about right now.”

Janus snorted through his nose. “Charlotte. You know, the Charlotte who paid for you to go to that expensive camp you went to.”

“Oh! That Charlotte,” Roman mumbled. He still had no clue who she was. Why didn’t Remus mention anything about her? “You weren’t thinking of dating her, were you?”

Janus rose a brow, and he glanced at Remus from the corner of his eye. “Oh, sweetheart, we’re well beyond that.”

Roman’s heart sank. It must’ve translated on his face because any sort of amusement on Janus’s face disappeared. Roman squeezed his fingers into his pants legs. Focus. He had to focus. 

“Well, I mean, I feel like I don’t even know her,” Roman responded.

Janus slowed the car down and pulled off the side of the road. The car halted, and Janus put it in park. Roman did his best to keep his panic at bay. It wasn’t like he was trapped in the middle of nowhere in a serial killer’s car or anything. This was Remus’s pop- his pop. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt them.

For a while, all Janus did was stare out the windshield.

Roman tried not to stare. He tapped his fingers on his pants leg. He tried to play I spy with himself with the scenery. He counted how many cars passed before Janus spoke again (it was one by the way) in the next five minutes that choked the awkward silence.

Janus’s hands on the steering wheel squeezed so tight they creaked under his palms. His jaw was pulled into a tight grimace, and his eyes seemed to stare at something Roman couldn’t see.

“I am rushing things, aren’t I?” Janus spoke so low that Roman had to listen closely to hear. Janus ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. He continued, “I guess I got so lost in the euphoria of having someone care about me that I just… said yes to the first person who asked.”

“Pop,” Roman spoke slowly, hoping the next few words would be answered by a negative word, “are you… thinking about marrying this Charlotte person?”

The sad excuse for a laugh Janus made dropped Roman’s heart in more ways than one.

“I know it feels sudden for you. You were gone so long at camp that I just… you didn’t get to see us dating at all. And I… was it only three months ago I started dating her?”

“Well, camp started three months ago, pop, but what’s wrong with Virgil and me? Aren’t we enough anymore?”

Janus let out a long sigh, and he looked over at Roman with his full attention. Roman couldn’t help but feel he was intruding on something private, and his conscience ate away at his nerves a small bit. Janus placed a soft hand on Roman’s shoulder and sent a sad smile.

“Don’t you ever think you’re never enough for me,” Janus responded. The sincerity in his voice almost brought tears to Roman’s eyes. After a slight pause, Janus continued, “I just need something you two can’t give me.”

“A dead mouse?” Roman thought off the top of his head. “I can get you one of those, you know. I’ll leave it on your bed at three am for you to find in the morning.”

Janus snorted. “I know. But you know, you and Virgil are getting older, and you’re not always going to be there for me.”

“Says who? I’ll fight them!“

“You two are going to go out there and live your own lives even if I have to push you out with my boot.”

Roman pouted. “But, Pop, why would I want to do that? You’re all I ever wanted.”

“Because I’m not going to be the reason you don’t live the life you want.”

There was a somber tone in Janus’s words that made Roman wonder if this wasn’t the first time Janus said this to someone. Perhaps that someone was his dad. A dull ache grew in Roman’s stomach. He couldn’t imagine his dad choosing his career over someone he loved, especially with the way he supported Roman and his choices in life.

“Oh,” was all Roman could think to say.

Janus cleared his throat. “Now, enough with all this mushy-gushy lovey-dovey grossness. We have a photoshoot to go to.”

Janus let his hand slide off Roman’s shoulder, and he started the car back on their journey. However, Roman felt like he left his heart on the side of the road. His mind played every possible scenario that would’ve split his dad and Janus up, but Patton choosing his job over Janus was not one of them. Why would his dad do that? Something else had to have happened. Someone had to have made his dad do it.

But something in the back of his mind told him that Patton wouldn’t just leave Remus either, and look what happened there. Roman sighed. He was making too many assumptions. The only way to clear all this up was to get his dad and Janus back together, and he was going to do everything he could to do so.


	4. The Telephone Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 1,457  
> Chapter Warnings: a few nsfw joke, one very naked Roman, pressure to marry, that’s about it

The phone rang three times before Roman eventually picked it up.

“Remus? Isn’t it like three in the morning for you?” Roman asked.

Remus replied, “Yeah, but this was the only way I could think of calling you without Pat- uh- dad getting suspicious.”

“At three in the morning?”

“Yes.”

“You know I go to bed at eleven pm sharp every night for a full eight hours of sleep, don’t you?”

“Uh… couldn’t sleep.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t sleep. I mean, I do sleep, but I’m usually up really late with Virge and Pop watching horror movies and stuff, so I can’t go to sleep. Plus, my inner time clock is all messed up from being in New York, so it’s only like ten pm for me. So, hah, I’m technically staying in character.”

Roman rolled his eyes. He flipped over in his bed and took the towel out of his wet hair. After a moment, he responded, “At least you take showers in the evening. I can skip the morning shower if I have to, but I need at least one shower a day to feel good about myself.”

“Just know I only take one or two every week, so it’ll look suspicious if you do it every night.”

Roman groaned. “I’m not going to survive this.”

“Oh, come on. I believe in you. Besides, what’s wrong with being a raccoon for a little while if it means our parents get back together?”

Roman sucked in a breath. “Yeah, uh, about that. Remus, did you know your pop was dating someone?” The other side of the phone grew quiet. “Remus?”

“That’s news to me,” Remus’s quiet voice spoke. “When did this happen?”

“Apparently right after you left for camp. It was some girl named Charlotte?”

“Oh. Her.” Remus wrinkled his nose. “That bitch was up here in Pat’s bridal shop acting like a fucking Karen for thirty minutes. I knew she was awful, but every time she even looked at Patton I wanted to claw her face off- wait. Wait a minute. Are you sure we’re talking about the same person?”

Roman’s stomach dropped, feeling the same pressure in his gut. “Pretty sure. I asked Pop if he was thinking about marrying her, and he danced around the question.”

“Well, either she’s way ahead of herself and is going to trap Pop into a proposal or he already did it. But… I don’t understand. Why would he? He talks to Virge and me about everything before he does it.”

“I don’t know. Maybe… maybe we’re jumping the gun. Maybe she’s cheating on dad with some other person and is marrying them.”

“Okay, okay, wait. I need you to go to Pop and see why he’s doing this. Maybe he’ll come clean.”

“I don’t know, Remus. He seems… troubled almost. Like, he got really sad when he was talking about her. He said he’s looking for something you and Virgil can’t give him and- THAT’S IT!”

Remus’s short yelp of surprise preceded him saying, “What’s it?”

“I bet he feels guilty about Dad! That’s the only reason he’d be doing this.”

“Feeling guilty? What do you mean? And how do you know he’s feeling guilty over Dad when he could be filling the space Dad left when he- you know- left?”

“I mean… maybe both? I don’t know. Pop doesn’t seem to be as willing to talk to you as you think he is.”

“Well, wait, hold up a minute. Do you at least know when they’re thinking about getting married? Like, that seems like a big thing Pop wouldn’t just keep a secret from us.”

“I don’t know. I mean, I could talk to him, but, Re, I think we’re going to have to get them back together a lot faster than we thought.” Remus’s silence on the other end of the phone made Roman fidget. “Are you still there?”

“I’m here. I just… I don’t know if I’m ready to say goodbye to Patton yet. There’s just something about him that I like. He’s like a good fuck on a bad day.”

“Gross. Can’t you say like baking cookies on a bad day like a normal person?”

“But where’s the fun in that? Besides, I don’t bake cookies.”

“Yeah, okay. But Remus, how are we supposed to get them back together before this wedding happens? Dad hates flying. That’s why he talks to all his American partners over the phone.”

Remus hummed. “You just don’t worry about that and leave that part up to me, okay?”

“I have a bad feeling you’re going to do something stupid.”

“No, not stupid, just crazy enough to work. It’s in the Escamas blood to do batshit things and hope they work.”

Roman ran a hand over his face. He heard a knock at his door, and he froze. “Uh oh, someone’s knocking. Gotta go.”

“Wait-”

Roman clicked the phone off before Remus could finish and called out, “I’m naked.”

“When has that ever stopped you before?” Janus’s voice asked.

“Uh, right. Just a fair warning. Force of habit from camp. It was so hot I slept au natural a lot.”

Janus snorted. “I appreciate it.”

Roman quickly started shedding his clothing so he wouldn’t be caught in a lie, threw the blanket over his hips, rolled onto his side and cradled his head in his cheeks. “Okay, you can come in now.”

Janus opened the door, his eyes making sure Roman was at least covering the not safe for work bits, and shut the door behind him. Roman sent Janus a coy smile, but he noticed Janus didn’t return it. Roman let his smile slowly slip away.

“Can I talk to you about something?” Janus asked.

“Sure thing, Pop! What’s up?” Roman asked. He sat up, making sure the blanket continued to cover him, and sent a wide smile.

Janus walked over to Roman’s bed and sat at the edge of it. He folded his hands together and placed them on his lap, his eyes watching their every move. For a moment, he didn’t speak. 

“You know how you asked if I was marrying Charlotte earlier today?”

Roman’s stomach dropped. “Yeah?”

Janus thought about what to say, opened his mouth, but closed it soon after. He took a deep breath and sighed through his nose.

Roman continued, “Don't tell me you’re doing it, Pop.”

Janus’s eyes turned up to him, and a strained smile confirmed Roman’s answer. Roman bit his lip and folded his arms.

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it first,” Janus replied, “but I… I couldn’t say no.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it was Charlotte who proposed to me. I was caught completely off guard.”

“It’s not that hard, Pop. You just open your mouth and say ‘no’ you know? Like when you told me not to stick a fork in an electrical socket to ruin my fun.”

“It is when she takes you to an expensive restaurant filled with all her family and your friends who have been telling you to get together with her for months.”

Roman grew silent at that. “So, she peer pressured you?”

“I guess you could say that. But… but part of me didn’t want to say no. I was too afraid that no one else would ask me. I’m getting old, you know.”

“Pop,” Roman started, but he didn’t know where to go from there. He instead took a breath and asked, “So, you don’t want to marry her?”

“Don’t get me wrong. Charlotte is a lovely woman but,” Janus paused, “I don’t know if she’ll ever replace what I’m looking for.”

“Well, what are you looking for?”

Janus’s laugh was hurt, snide, a huff of a laugh that could’ve been mistaken as a snuff. “Someone I lost years ago.”

“Oooh I do love stories,” Roman said as he flopped onto his stomach. He crossed his ankles over each other and kicked them back and forth onto his pillow. It felt so wrong to be this naked around someone strange, but Janus didn’t seem bothered by it. At least, according to his amused smirk and raised eyebrow he didn’t.

“You do, huh?” Janus said. He took a deep breath, and he sighed through his nose. “I guess you have the right to hear this one.”

“Well, I am your favorite dirty boy.”

“You are indeed.”

“So tell me the details, gurl? Who’s the lover who ripped your heart out and chopped it into pieces to eat, huh?”

“He didn’t rip my heart out exactly,” Janus said. He sighed through his nose. “It’s… a lot deeper than that.”

“I’m all ears and a butthole.”

Janus took a deep breath, and he began his short story.


	5. Once Upon a Time in New York City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,488  
> Chapter Warnings: homophobia, homophobic slurs, mentions of inner homophobia, mentions of being thrown out of the house, smoking meniton, implied sexual assault, blood mention, victim blaming, drunk mention, mentions of being outed

The year was 2004, or was it 2005? I can’t remember. They all run together after a while, especially around that time. There was so much fighting. Some days I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. But I loved him, and I didn’t want to leave, and I know he loved me too.

Obviously, that’s why things had to end.

Wait, I think I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Maybe it’d be better to start from the beginning.

I was a young, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed kid from the 90s- well adult from the 90s- and was going to New York City for college on a scholarship for photography. Since I was from Buffalo, I had to stay in the dorms, naturally. I mean, going back and forth from Buffalo to New York City would be a bit tiring every day. Besides, I made it through a complete scholarship, and I kind of needed it, because there was no way I was making it otherwise with your Aunt Sarah’s salary.

That’s when I met him. Freckle speckled white skin, beautiful blue eyes, dark brown hair, a little bit of chub in all the right places- especially his cheeks- and those lame 1980s nerd glasses my parents raved over for the first part of my life. 

He was cute, so naturally, I stood in the doorway and couldn’t do anything but stare.

That’s when he turned and looked at me, held out his hand, and said, “Hi! You must be my roommate. My name is Patton.”

It took me a few minutes to respond. But, when I remembered my voice, I answered, “Janus. Janus Escamas.”

I took his hand, and his hands were so soft. I think it was the moisturizer he used, or maybe it was because my hands were always so scratchy from psoriasis. Either way, I think we stood there for about a minute before we realized we actually had to, you know, let go of each other’s hands.

Now, keep in mind, this was the 90s, and not many people were out of the closet yet, or, if they were, they faced a shitton of discrimination, so it’s not like today where you introduce yourself as “hi, I’m gay” to a stranger and kept right on going. Hell, you know what happened when I came out. I was lucky your Aunt Sarah accepted that she had a gay sixteen-year-old nephew.

Well, I’m bi, but that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, Patton and I, we started hanging out a lot together in our free time. He was a fashion design major with a minor in business, and I was a photography major with a minor in reptile studies. So, naturally, we didn’t have any classes together.

Still, Patton went out of his way to make me feel important, even in his snobby rich friend group. I remember this one bitch, Nikki, who would constantly hang all over him even though he was uncomfortable with it. I wanted to rip her off every single time, bury her, and dance on her grave.

But of course, I thought Patton was straight and just found guys very visually pleasing but not in a sexual way at the time, so I didn’t say anything.

Flash forward to the next year when Patton tells me he wants to be roommates for our second year. Of course, I was over the moon. I enjoyed my first year with Patton, and the second was just as exciting. We spent a lot of time together, even if our respective friend groups thought we were insane for hanging around the other person. 

And then, one night while I was in bed studying, well “studying” because I think I was actually taking a smoke break at the time, I got a really distressed call from Patton. Apparently, his friends took him to a party, and that bitch, Nikki, got super drunk, and she- well, she was rather rude to Patton. So, naturally, I ran three miles to go get him. 

I still remember Patton sitting on the corner of the street because he ran away from the house. His eyes were so red and puffy, his lip had blood dripping from the middle, and his shirt was missing buttons, and it only took me three seconds to figure out what happened. 

Did I punch the ever-loving shit out of Nikki? No, but I sure wanted to.

I walked Patton back to our room, and he broke down. I remember the two of us sitting on the bed together, and I held Patton in my arms as he told me everything.

“She said that I owed her this. That I was leading her on for the past year, and if I wasn’t chicken, I’d stop being such a prude and get laid already,” Patton said.

“Well, did you?” I asked.

Patton shook his head. “No, I don’t want to get-”

“No, I mean, did you lead her on?”

Patton said as he wrinkled his brow, “Nikki is a nice person, but I never really wanted to date her. But she said I was always flirting and being so nice, so, I guess I was.”

“Patton, in order to flirt, you have to mean it.”

“But-”

“Did you mean it?”

“No, but-”

“Then you weren’t leading her on. Full stop. Just because she misjudged your intentions doesn’t mean you were leading her on.”

Patton got quiet after that. He wiped a tear from his eye and said, “Thanks, Janus. I… I guess I just never thought about having sex with… because I’m saving myself for the right person.”

It was the smallest slip-up, but it was one that made my heart pound so fast I thought I was going to pass out right then and there. I thought maybe I was reading into it too far. There was no way Patton was insinuating he never had thoughts about having sex with a woman. It had to be just Nikki, right? That’s what he meant, right?

Still, I held onto that little slip with all I had. I mean, he said he was straight as a pole, but, you know, being in the closet will make you protect yourself like that.

Eventually that bitch did apologize and Patton went back to her like nothing ever happened because they were still “friends” after that, which pissed me off because apparently, she didn’t learn her lesson and still continued to drape herself over him like a cape, but Patton was more vocal about his displeasure with her being all over him. Eventually, she got the hint, because she started to stop hanging out with Patton all together.

Another year passed, and we were still good friends. We were always tying up the phone line, you know, when his parents didn’t want to use the internet because that was a thing back then, and spending as much time together as we could. Even over the summer we’d hang out together. And then we went back for our third year of college and roomed together again.

Then one day, I got drunk. Really drunk. And I don’t remember saying anything, but the next morning I had a hangover, and Patton wouldn’t look at me. I remember being so scared that I hurt him because that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. So I did what I always did.

“Patton, I want you to know, whatever happened when I was drunk, I didn’t mean it,” I said.

And that seemed to hurt Patton worse. He looked down at the sweater he twisted in his hands and said, “You didn’t?”

“No, of course not.”

“Do you even remember what you said?”

I hesitated before I responded, “Yes.”

I shouldn’t have lied, but it came so naturally. Patton changed the way he behaved around me after that. He wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even say good night before he went to sleep. It went on for weeks. And then, one day, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Look, whatever happened between us, I just want you to know I’m sorry,” I said.

Patton laughed. It was so pathetic, I don’t even think I could consider it a laugh, but he did laugh. His eyes got watery as he replied, “I know. I forgive you.”

“For what?”

“For,” and he paused. Patton looked out the window and sighed through his nose. “For saying you loved me.”

I thought having a hangover was the worst feeling in the world, but holy shit was I wrong. I couldn’t breathe, it hurt that bad. For a while, I couldn’t think of anything to say back. So, Patton said something for me.

“Look, I know that being… you know… isn’t exactly good, but-”

“Patton, are you gay?”

And I saw it. I saw the wall come up, the one queers like us used to shut everything down as fast as we could to keep people from turning on us.

“Of course not.”

“Patton,” I said again, “are you interested in men, because… because I am. I’m gay.”

And the sigh that left Patton’s lips silenced the whole room for a few minutes. I thought I fucked it all up again, but he smiled at me in that sad sort of smile that people give when they really want to tell you something and they’re still scared of your reaction.

And he said, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know, or you don’t want to be?”

“I don’t- It’s complicated. I do think women are super pretty, and I hope one day I can be a dad and raise kids of my own, but the thought of actually having sex with a woman… makes me nervous.”

“Nervous or disgusted?”

“Look, Janus,” Patton paused, “It’s not easy. I’m… scared.”

“I get it. I know I was scared when I told my parents years ago, and it went exactly how I thought it was going to go, but Patton, there are people out there that won’t use your sexuality against you. You don’t have to keep hiding so people like you. If they don’t like you because you’re gay, then that’s on them, not you. If they don’t like you because of one thing, they never liked you to begin with. They just liked the idea of you.”

And then Patton started laughing. And then he started crying. And then I remember holding him in my arms that night as he poured his heart out to me, from his first crush in high school to the way his family talked about “the fags” and stuff. I remember wanting to kiss him, but I also didn’t want to take advantage of him. For all I knew, I was the first person to accept he was gay. 

So, I waited.

It took about three months of letting Patton be honest with himself for the first time in his life, and eventually, we settled into a pattern of obsessing over hot guys in magazines, talking about celebrity crushes, and lamenting over stupid things we did to hide that we were gay in school, you know, like friends.

And then he asked me, “Janus, can I kiss you?”

I remember my heart exploding before he even touched my lips. He tasted like oreo cookies dunked in warm milk. He smelled like bread fresh out of the oven. His lips were soft as bunny fur. I didn’t see or hear fireworks, but the power went out, and I remember us sitting in the dark together and laughing over that for five minutes.

The hardest part now was realizing we couldn’t risk being seen in public. Our relationship had to stay strictly platonic. Whether or not people bought it was debatable, but do you know how hard it is to love someone with every fiber of your being and not able to do something as innocent as holding hands? How you have to look away when you’ve stared too long? How you get to watch other couples be intimate in public and can’t help the jealous feeling in your chest because you know you can’t have that?

At night though, in the dorm room, all bets were off. I remember Patton slipping into my bed with his goddamn ice as shit feet and putting them on my back because he was cold. I remember the pillow fights that turned into passionate make-out sessions. I remember staying up until three am cuddled under the same blanket together, trying not to make fun of cheesy romantic comedies and failing badly at it. I remember him making me coffee at six because I had a class at eight and hated the morning hours. 

I remember when his brother, Thomas, ran away to love a man in England, and his family totally disowned his brother and scared Patton even further into following his father’s orders. I remember the phone calls at three in the morning when it was summer vacation and whispering “I love you” so his parents couldn’t hear. I remember saying I was going to the beach with friends and spending the whole week in a hotel room with just him and making up for the lost time. I remember when my aunt caught us and wanted to meet him, and she absolutely loved him. I remember when she said she wanted to meet his parents, and Patton had a panic attack. I remember her saying that she’d gladly take Patton in if his parents ever disowned him, and he thanked her over and over.

And then, we graduated from college.

Obviously our excuse to be together disappeared with it. I remember getting into fights with Patton over how he still let his parents run his life. How he was afraid to be himself because they’d cut off his inheritance. I’m not proud of it, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t try to force him to come out once or twice to them. I was young and stupid. Don’t do that. Anyway, I suggested we mask our living arrangement as two college students with no money trying to make our way in the world together.

His parents bought it, surprisingly enough.

To make things a little better, they gave us enough money to buy a small apartment for a year to help us get on our feet. And by small, I mean it was still in the upper scale parts of New York and way out of either of our price ranges. Still, Patton started working for his dad and made a pretty decent salary. Meanwhile, I tried not to kill Karen and fight Helen in a local coffee shop. 

It was working pretty well.

And then, the woman in the apartment next to us got pregnant. 

Her name was Romana Lupin, and she was a 28-year-old teacher for special needs kids. Naturally, with no husband, she was scared she wouldn’t be able to support herself and a child, but she also didn’t want an abortion. Plus, her roommates were being dicks and not going to let her stay with her kid.

I remember coming home to Patton baking a shitton of cookies and being super sweet and affectionate like he always did when he wanted something. I remember him sitting at the dinner table and sighing as he poked his lettuce. And I remember telling him to stop being so passive and just tell me what he wanted already.

“Jan, you know how our neighbor is going to have a baby?”

My throat dried as I said, “Yes?”

“That must be nice, you know, to be a parent.”

“Oh yes, nothing says nice more than waking up every two hours to feed a screaming shit machine.”

“Janus!”

“Tell me I’m wrong. I’ll wait.”

And Patton gave that ridiculously cute pout that he knows I’ll melt over, and he mumbled, “I think it’d be nice to be a dad.”

And I sighed as I rubbed my whole face with my hand. “Patton, you know that getting a child is not like getting a puppy, right? You have it for the rest of your life. You lose your independence, you can’t go out late anymore, you have to learn how to do math and cry over it all over again, you have to juggle your job and personal life. It’s a lot of work.”

“I know. I know, but there’s still a part of me that wants to raise a child… better than they did.”

I wanted to whack my head off the table. I remember telling him I’d think about it, and he got stupidly excited that I didn’t say no. And the more I listened to him talking about being a dad, and the more I heard him comment on how cute baby booties were, and the more he pointed out kids in the park that were just too cute to handle, I started to soften.

And I remember going to Romana’s house and asking her if we could adopt her child, and she was so overjoyed she cried. 

And then, you were born. You were no bigger than a loaf of bread. And I remember Patton got to hold you first, and then he passed you off to me. And you looked at me with the most devilish eyes I’d ever seen, and I knew you were going to be trouble, but for some reason, I didn’t care. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to protect you with everything I had.

Were you awful? I mean, not really. You slept a lot more than I expected you to. You were always confused by my psoriasis, and you liked to pet it a lot. I think you just liked the texture. You loved peas, I remember that. I also remember cleaning baby food out of my hair more than you eating. Being a pop was better than I expected it to be.

And then, it happened. Or should I say, they happened.

Word got back to Patton’s parents that he’d adopted a child, and they started up on their bullshit about how he should’ve settled with a nice woman if he wanted a baby so badly. And I remember him coming home frustrated and in tears because his father was bullying him about it at work. 

I tried to tell Patton we could leave this all behind and be okay, but he wouldn’t do it. 

And then, somehow, the cat got out of the bag about me and Patton. I don’t know if Patton let it slip or someone else did, but the next thing I knew, I had people showing up at work telling me I was corrupting an innocent child, that I should be ashamed of myself, and that child services would be showing up any minute to take you away from us.

And then, the fuckers did the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. They told Patton if he left me, they wouldn’t do anything to take you away from us.

And that’s when things went from bad to worse between Patton and me. He kept trying to leave to give you and me a happy life together, but I didn’t want to lose him. I wanted us to fight this together, even though deep down in my heart I knew we’d lose. I remember screaming so loud one night we woke you up from a dead sleep, and you started crying. He didn’t speak to me for two days after that.

And then, one morning I woke up, and Patton was gone.

I tried calling the office he worked at. I tried calling his parents. Hell, I called the police to report a missing person. Nothing. It was like he vanished off the face of the earth. 

I couldn’t support us in that apartment on my own, so I moved back in with your aunt. And then, two years later, I got enough money together to move out here to California. And it was rough. I barely made it through the first two years. But, by a stroke of luck, my magazine became a hit, and soon I made enough money to live comfortably out here with you. I even picked up Virgil along the way.

And then I heard about Coeur Bridal, and I knew right away what happened. He moved back to the United Kingdom to escape his parents, and consequently us. Part of me was relieved he escaped. The other part of me has never forgiven him for abandoning us. He never reached out once to let me know he was okay. He never tried to find me again, despite my name being on the front of a magazine. He literally moved across an ocean and pretended I didn’t exist.

And that was the last time I cried over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mandatory rest stop if you're reading the whole way through! Grab a glass of water, stretch, or simply rest your eyes for a minute. You've earned it!


	6. Breaking Their Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2,985  
> Chapter Warnings: minor manipulation, stalking mention

Roman blinked his eyes a few times to clear the wetness in them. He turned his head away so Janus couldn’t see, but he still caught Janus’s concerned expression out of the corner of his eye. 

“Remus?” Janus asked as he put a hand on Roman’s knee, “Is everything okay?”

“I can’t believe he’d do that to you,” Roman mumbled. “To us.”

Janus sighed and shrugged. He said, “I can. Patton was- is a good man, but he’s very self-conscious when it comes to how people see him. Unlike us, he gives a shit about people’s opinions of him. It’s his greatest strength and also his greatest weakness.”

“Well, he certainly didn’t give a shit about you,” Roman said back. “If he really loved you, he would’ve stayed. I’m sure you would’ve figured something out.”

“Remus, it was a very different world back then.”

“It doesn’t matter! Love conquers all. If there was one thing I was taught when I was little, it was if you worked hard enough for something, eventually, you’d get your happy ending. Now I feel like it’s all just an empty lie.”

“Remus, that’s not-”

“And then, to just leave you here without saying goodbye? He could’ve kept in contact with you. He could’ve waited until he was financially stable enough to come back to you. There was no reason to hide. He’s been single for all these years, so what’s stopping him from coming back and-”

“Roman, stop.”

The name froze Roman dead in his tracks. His heart hammered against his rib cage, and his lungs refused to take a breath in. He turned his head to Janus, who had a wary look on his face.

“What- what did you just call me?”

Janus’s lips pulled into a light smile. He sighed through his nose and looked down at the hands folded between his fingers. After he chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, he took a deep breath and answered, “I said that’s enough.”

“No, you called me Roman.”

Janus’s shoulders bounced as he let out a snuff. “I guess the secret’s out then, isn’t it?”

“Secret?”

“You don’t have to keep putting up a disguise, Roman. I knew it was you the minute you walked off the plane.”

Roman couldn’t do anything but blink stupidly. Here, he thought he pulled the wool over Janus’s eyes the whole time, but it was Janus who fooled him. Roman’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. He looked down at his lap and clenched and unclenched his hands.

“Don’t feel discouraged,” Janus continued. “There were times you almost convinced me I was wrong. You’re a very good actor, Roman. You were just doomed from the start. I’m too good at figuring out when people are lying to me.”

“How?” Roman asked as he looked up. “How did you know?”

“You think it was an accident you and Remus ended up in the same camp?”

Roman furrowed his brow. “Uh, yes?”

Janus laughed and shook his head. He took a deep breath before he said, “Your father talks about you like his prized pumpkin at a fair, or at least, he does on social media. He talked about how he was afraid to send you “across the pond” for a camp dedicated to LGBT members, and it only took a quick Google search to figure out which one he was talking about. I just hoped it was the right one.”

“You stalk my dad on social media and still never reached out to him?”

“Believe it or not, I never found the right words to say. I was afraid I’d somehow screw it all up, and rather than being blocked, I stayed silent.”

“So you stalk him.”

“I prefer the term “looked out for him” honestly.”

“Well, you should say something to him.”

“And what makes you so sure he’d want to speak to me after all these years? Like it or not, Roman, he could’ve reached out to me as well. It’s not like I’m a nobody on the Internet.”

“Maybe,” Roman paused, “maybe he’s just like you. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say.”

“Well, I was hoping if he really wanted to see me, coming to get you would be a good reason.”

Roman blinked. “You had this all planned out from the beginning, didn’t you?”

“Plan? Roman, I never plan. I throw darts at a board and hope they hit the bullseye. I just got very lucky this time that you and Remus have seen The Parent Trap and met each other at camp. Imagine if I did all this for nothing and you two never met, or worse, never figured out you were twins. But, if anyone asks, yes, this all went according to my plan.”

That made Roman laugh a little. He sighed and asked, “So, then why are you marrying this Charlotte person?”

“Because I have a creative fantasy where Patton breaks into the church at the last minute and objects to the wedding.”

Janus’s deadpan reaction made Roman laugh harder, and Janus’s lips quirked up into the smallest smirk. Roman eventually let his laughter die down, and a frown returned to his lips. Janus’s lips followed.

“Wait, really?”

“I mean, he could try, but it’s more for legal reasons than personal reasons. You can’t really object to a wedding because you’re madly in love with the other person. It’s all played up in Hollywood. I blame Shrek.”

Roman hummed and nodded his head. He sighed and looked at his fondded hands. 

“It’s just,” Roman started, but his words stopped. He tried again, “I mean, I thought that…”

“It’s okay to see your dad in a different light, Roman. He’s human. He makes stupid mistakes, a lot of stupid mistakes, but that doesn’t make him a bad person.”

Roman sighed and nodded his head. He opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it soon after. Janus stood up from Roman’s bed and adjusted his shirt.

“I won’t tell Virgil if you still want to pretend to be Remus, but-”

“Trust me, I do _not_ want to pretend to be Remus anymore,” Roman curled his nose. “I’m surprised I lasted this long.”

“Well, I’ll let you tell him at your own leisure then.” Janus walked to the door, his hand hovering above the light switch. He turned to Roman, a genuine smile on his lips, before he continued, “It was nice to meet you again, son.”

Roman’s heart fluttered a bit at that. Janus sent one last smile before he closed the door behind him. It took Roman two seconds to whip out his cellphone and send Remus a text message breaking the news. He rolled onto his side and took a deep breath into his pillow.

At least he could shower in the morning now.

* * *

Remus stared at the text message Roman sent him and wondered if he was still asleep. He sat up in his bed and hoped Roman would send an explanation, but judging by when it was sent, Roman went to sleep directly after.

_Pop knows I’m not you._

Honestly, what did Remus expect? His pop was a walking lie detector. It would’ve been a miracle if they pulled this off and made it a week without Janus being suspicious. 

Remus sighed. Where did he go from here? Did he tell Patton? Did he try to coax Patton on a plane to cross the entire ocean and get his son back like Marlin? He swung his feet over the side of the bed and figured he might as well begin Roman’s ridiculous morning routine.

Six in the morning meant shower time, even though he was still clean from going to bed the night before.

As Remus opened his door and exited to the bathroom, he heard Patton and Thomas talking down below. Remus strained his ears to listen in.

“...really not that big of a deal, Patton.”

“I’m just… worried. What if something happened to him at camp?”

“I think you’re being too overprotective.”

Patton sighed. “I know. I know. I just… I can feel something’s off about him. He’s distant. He’s not acting like himself. Even the way he talks is different.”

“This is because he’s going to that banquet instead of hanging out with you, isn’t it?”

“No! Maybe? I don’t think so. I mean, I want him to do what he wants to do, but-”

“Patton, Roman is growing up. You can’t expect him to always see you as your cool dad and only friend for the rest of his life. He’s getting out there and discovering himself and becoming an adult, whether you like it or not.”

“I know.” Patton wetly laughed. “I just wish he was still my baby boy and begging to watch one more Disney movie with me to push back bedtime.”

Remus chewed on his lip. He glanced over at the bathroom door and let out a long sigh. With one last mental confirmation that, yes, he was going to do this, he proudly marched down the stairs in his pajamas and into the foyer room.

“Good morning, Dad and Uncle Thomas,” Remus proudly called out as he entered the kitchen. “Did I miss anything exciting?”

“Oh, Roman,” Patton cheerfully chirped. He cleared his throat and said, “Good morning, son.”

Thomas shook his head. He addressed Remus. “Wow, Roman, I’m not used to seeing you down here without makeup on. What’s the occasion?”

Remus hesitated. “Well, I’ve been thinking, and I think I’m going to skip that banquet. I’d rather spend a day in the park with you, Dad.”

“Really?” Patton’s eagerness died down as he folded his fingers together. “I mean, I know how much that banquet means to you. Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Remus replied. “In fact, there’s something I kind of wanted to talk to you about.”

Patton tilted his head in confusion. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. I just… met someone at camp.”

Patton let out a long, excited squeal and covered his mouth. “Roman, did you find a boyfriend?”

“I’ll tell you all the juicy details on our walk together,” Remus said with a wink. “Right now, I have to go up and get ready for our date.”

With that, Remus turned on a heel and hurried up the stairs. He heard Patton’s relieved sigh in the kitchen and closed the bathroom door behind him. 

Well, this moment had to come sooner or later anyway.

* * *

The walk to the park took less time than Remus imagined. Something about Patton’s natural charisma made it super easy for him to open up to. He didn’t know if Patton was always listening, but he was always quiet, and Remus counted that as a win. Still, every time Patton asked what Remus wanted to talk to him about, dead set on Remus having a boyfriend, Remus would either bring up another topic or simply say “I’m getting there” and ignore the question altogether.

Finally, the two of them settled on a park bench. Patton sat down with a laugh, sighed, and folded his fingers together at his stomach. Remus sprawled out on the bench, his feet on the armrest and head in Patton’s lap. Patton glanced down at him with such loving eyes. Remus fought with himself. How would Patton take the truth? Would he reject Remus and simply send him back? Would he be angry about being tricked? Maybe he should stay here with Patton forever-

No, he had to do this. Everyone was counting on him. 

“So,” Patton said as he cleared his throat. He ran comforting circles in Remus’s hair, “what did you want to talk about.”

“Okay, okay,” Remus took a huge breath. “So, you know how I went to this camp for gays and stuff, right? Well, I met someone there, and I kinda made him my rival.”

“Your rival?” Patton rose a brow.

“Yeah. I mean, something about him set the inner fighter in me off. I wanted to be better than him in every way that someone could be better than him. So, I decided it was time for a little friendly sport of pranking.”

“Of what?”

“Pranking. You know, when you keep playing tricks on people.”

“Roman, I sure hope you didn’t. What on earth were you thinking? You could’ve hurt him.”

“I,” Remus paused. “I didn’t. I don’t think I did. All my pranks just attacked his hygiene, and let me tell you, he was a stinky little gremlin.”

The frown on Patton’s face almost hurt, but if Remus could prepare himself for Patton’s disappointment now, maybe it would hurt less later. 

Patton sighed and chewed on his lip. “Well, you two eventually made up, didn’t you?”

“Oh, you have no idea. They threatened to kick us out of camp if we didn’t start getting along.”

“Roman Princeton Sanders!”

“Easy, Daddy, we got along just fine after that.” Remus paused. “We got along really well. I mean, you could say that we were practically identical in every way we could be, well, except for personality.”

Patton’s shoulders relaxed a small bit at that. He sighed through his nose and said, “As long as you apologized afterward-”

“Oh, we apologized all right.” Remus swallowed hard and let his eyes slip closed. “He started talking to me about his life, you know, with his adopted dad and his brother, Virgil, and how they lived out in California on a reptile sanctuary.”

“That sounds nice.” Patton’s smile returned. He moved his hands from stroking Remus’s hair to rubbing circles over his temple. It took everything Remus had not to fall asleep on his lap.

Remus nodded. “It was. He said his dad was…” Remus opened his eyes and looked up. “He said he was the creator of Scales of Beauty.”

Patton’s whole body locked up. Remus watched the horror cross Patton’s face like a hero realizing the villain was part of their party all along. Patton’s lips parted, but no sound came out. His hand stopped moving on Remus’s skin, and Remus’s own smile slipped down to a serious expression.

“What- what was his name, kiddo? The kid, I mean, not his dad.”

“Remus Escamas.” Remus watched Patton blink rapidly to try and hide the wetness forming in his eyes. Patton took a deep breath in and let a long sigh through his nose. Remus could see the gears turning in Patton’s head as he put the puzzle pieces together. He quirked the side of his lip into a half-smile and continued, “Hey, Dad, you know that movie, where two twins that were separated at birth go camping and meet each other?”

“Roman.”

“And they, you know, end up switching places because they find out their parents used to be together and live an ocean away from each other and wanted to get their parents back together, or at least find out why they split up in the first place?”

Remus saw the exact moment it clicked on Patton’s face. Patton’s jaw dropped, and tears finally spilled over his eyes. He leaned over Remus, and his eyes searched for any sign of a lie.

“R-” Patton stopped himself. “Remus?”

Remus smiled. “Hey, Daddy.”

Patton pressed his forehead onto Remus’s and let out a broken laugh. Remus felt fresh tears drip onto his skin, and he held his breath. To his surprise, Patton pulled away and kissed the top of his forehead. Not once, not twice, but a thousand little kisses paused only by Patton taking a shaky breath through his nose.

“You’re Remus,” Patton said, and another laugh shook his shoulders. “That explains so much. I can’t believe I fell for this.”

Remus let his voice slip back into his natural accent as he said, “I mean, I did hear you talking to Uncle Thomas, and you did think something was wrong with me. Well, you were half right. Everything’s wrong with me, and not because I’m not Roman.”

“Shh, don’t you talk about yourself like that,” Patton said.

“Full offense, but you didn’t even know who I was ten seconds ago. Nice dad. Bad judge of character.”

Patton took a deep breath through his nose and nodded his head. He paused and said, “Wait, if you’re here, then that means that Roman-”

“-is probably dying in the Californian heat right now.” Remus finished.

Patton sighed. “Poor thing is probably putting on a brave face and acting like his life depends on it.”

“Oh, I’m sure he didn’t get far. My pop’s a walking lie detector.”

“Oh I know-” Patton’s face connected two more dots, and Remus watched a new panic flash across Patton’s face. Patton looked ready to say something, but he bailed last minute. Instead, he sighed and continued to rub knots into Remus’s hair.

“Remus-”

“Why did you and Pop split up anyway? And why did you take Roman with? Do you know how much fun I could’ve had blaming stuff I did on him all those years? You robbed me of a life long practical joke.”

Patton sighed. He leaned his head back and looked up at the sky. For a moment, he didn’t say a word. Remus bit his lip, wondering if maybe his pop did something traumatic for Patton to leave. He didn’t want to believe it, but seeing the hurt that crossed Patton’s face made him question everything.

“Well,” Patton started. He let out a long sigh. “I mean, it’s not like… I didn’t want to hurt him. Or you. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Well, I’m all ears,” Remus said.

Patton’s smile softened to a more somber look. He took a deep breath and released it. “Are you sure?”

“Well, I mean, I’ve only wanted to know the juicy details for about two months now.”

Patton nodded his head. He gathered his thoughts and brought back the memories he tried to pretend didn’t exist for years now.


	7. I Lost my Heart in New York City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,991  
> Chapter Warnings: homophobia, inner homophobia, homophobic slurs, weaponizing Christianity, smoking mention, drug mention, alcoholism

I have such fond memories of your pop. He was the first crush on a man that ever returned my feelings, and he was the first to tell me that there was nothing wrong with being attracted to men at all. He was freeing in more ways than one. I owe a lot to him. **  
**

Which is why I couldn’t stand if he got hurt because of me.

Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me go back a little.

I was raised in a small English town full of really nice people. I lived with my mom, my dad, and my older brother, who you know as Uncle Thomas. My dad had his foot in the door with a big company you may have heard of called “Sigmund and Freud” that sold women’s fashion, and my mom was a doctor. So, it was safe to say, money was really no problem for me growing up.

My family was pretty catholic, and I remember going to Mass a lot when I was younger. Thomas and I were choir boys, and our parents couldn’t be more proud of us. They would make everything about our religion, from waking up in the morning to going out in public and how we behaved to the little misfortunes in our life.

I went to the same independent school Roman did when I was his age, which was an all-boys school. My parents said it would stop me from getting distracted by ladies while I was studying. Unfortunately for me, that couldn’t have been farther from the case. I found myself being distracted a lot by my classmates. At first, I thought I was being silly. They were all my mates, and that’s the only reason I thought about cuddling and snogging them.

It wasn’t until a few years later when I heard about my parents discussing the homophiles- uh that’s the nice word for what they called gay people- that I found out what I felt was unnatural, wrong, and probably would send me to hell faster than mistreating a lady. I began to try and suppress these feelings, hoping that if I got a girlfriend they’d all go away.

They didn’t, but gosh I sure tried my best.

When I was your age, my dad was offered to run a business over in New York City. So, my whole family uprooted themselves to travel across the pond and settle there. It was a huge adjustment, to say the least. Thankfully I had a lot of money, so people wanted to be my acquaintance. They were all super nice, but they all saw my money and accent before me as a person. I was the loneliest kid with a million mates.

And then college happened.

My parents paid for me to stay on campus, and I felt like I could breathe for the first time. I remember being so excited to meet my new roommate. I would’ve never guessed it’d be a man with such beautiful eyes.

So, without hesitation, I offered my hand and introduced myself. 

“Hi! You must be my roommate. My name is Patton.”

He looked so surprised that someone would want to shake his hand. I guess it had to do with how scaly his hands looked, and you know how people assume there’s something wrong with you if you don’t look exactly like them. I felt kind of bad. I shouldn’t have, because there was nothing wrong with him, but I did pity his skin condition. I mean, in the end, it made me want to be his friend, so many it wasn’t too bad.

Soon, he took my hand and introduced himself. “Janus. Janus Escamas.”

I had to admit, his name took me by surprise. I thought at first I was with someone who was a trans-uh trans woman who felt they had to sign up with their birth gender, but Janus was cis like me. We hung out a lot together in our dorm room and found out we both really liked animals. I remember Janus going on and on about how much he loved reptiles, and how he kept shutting himself down for talking so much about them. He said that everyone thought it was creepy, but I didn’t think so. I remember getting him a mug for Christmas with “I like snakes more than I like people” on it.

I wonder if he still has it. It’d snake my day.

Anyway, Janus really didn’t care for the people who hung around me, and I couldn’t blame him. I think most of them thought I was someone to make connections with instead of being friends. I remember this one girl who was really friendly with me, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that she made me kind of uncomfortable. Okay, she made me really uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Anyway, Janus and I stayed pretty good friends through our first year. And in our second year of college, we made sure we were rooming together. I would try to ditch my friends whenever I could because I liked hanging out with Janus more. I felt like I could be myself around him. And I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable when they made fun of other people, especially what they were wearing and how they looked.

And I remember him being so nice and supportive when that girl from earlier got a little too handsy with me, and he sat with me and made sure I was okay. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone so nice, but I wasn’t complaining. I guess that was what my reward for being such a good person was, as my parents would put it.

I almost let it slip I thought I was gay that night, but if he noticed, he didn’t say anything to me.

I don’t know if he knew it or not, but he gave me the courage to stop hanging out with that crowd of people. I didn’t know just how much they were messing with me. They were so toxic and controlling, that when I stopped hanging out with them, I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

But Janus, his friends are what I would call bad influences. They smoked a lot, they drank even though they weren’t the legal age, and they did drugs that were really sketchy and expensive. I tried to get Janus to stay away from them, but he wouldn’t. 

“Oh yes,” he said, “judge me for my friends when you hang out with plastic copies of themselves.”

And even though I stopped hanging around them, I still felt like I needed to defend them for some reason. So I said, “At least my friends didn’t make me break the law.”

“Laws are stupid. Besides, I’d rather hang out with druggies that would have my back than rich snobs who don’t care about me.”

I could feel tears coming to my eyes. I knew he was talking about my friends, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was part of the equation. He must’ve realized it too because he quickly corrected himself.

“Just because you’re not like that doesn’t mean your friends aren’t.”

“I stopped hanging out with them,” I told him.

His eyes widened, and he said, “You did?”

“Yeah. You were right. They really were hurting me, and I didn’t notice it. I feel… free, almost, like I could do anything.” He tried passing it to me, and I said, “Okay, almost anything.”

And he laughed at me. I don’t know if it was because I said something funny or because he was happy I broke it off with my friends, but I didn’t push the subject.

And then, one night, Janus got uh… really, _really_ drunk.

I remember coming into the dorm and he smelled so awful. I could barely stand being around him. And he looked at me with the goofiest grin I’d ever seen, and said, “Hey Pat. You’re pretty.”

And I laughed, knowing he was drunk, and said, “Thank you. You’re pretty too.”

I couldn’t tell at first whether he blushed or not, because his cheeks were really red from drinking so much, but I found out later it was definitely a blush.

I sat next to him on the bed, and he put his head on my shoulder. For a moment, the two of us sat there and enjoyed the silence of our company. And then, Janus looked up at me with a wide smile and said, “God, I love you.”

And I laughed and said, “Thanks, Janus. I love you too.”

“No, I really, really do. You have no idea how much I love you.”

It made me laugh, but I was nervous. The last time someone confessed to me while they were drunk, it did not go well at all. I pushed Janus away from me. Thankfully, he stayed away, but he kept talking.

“I don’t know if you know, but I’ve loved you since the minute I laid eyes on you.”

“Sure, Jan.”

“I mean it. I really do mean it. I do love you. I love how pretty your eyes are, and how your laugh is so nice. And your skin is so soft. And I like how you look so focused when you study. Your face is cute with such a serious look.”

My heart was pounding. I wanted him to stop, but on the other hand, I really, really didn’t. I know alcohol makes people really honest, and Janus was always so mysterious. It was nice to hear what he really thought without questioning if it was sarcastic or not, but I also knew that there might be a small part of him that didn’t like me the way he did.

So, I looked at him and encouraged it. “So, you love me?”

“Oh, absolutely without a doubt.”

“Are you… you know…”

“Lying? Patton, my dear Patton, I never lie.” He laughed. “Okay, I lie a lot because that was a lie. I do lie a lot. But I’m not lying when I say you’re the best thing that happened in my shitty life.”

I could feel my cheeks heating up, and he noticed it too. He grabbed my shoulders with both of his hands, and he said, “Patton, kiss me right now.”

And I wanted to. I really wanted to, but I pushed his hands away and said, “Janus, you’re drunk. It wouldn’t be right. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

He looked at me with such a confused face, like I was a puzzle he couldn’t figure out, and he said, “Not even a little peck on the cheek?”

“No, Janus.”

Janus stood up and wobbled over to our trannie machine. He fumbled with the buttons a bit, and when he hit play, some sort of jazzy music started playing. You know, old American music from the 1940s and stuff.

I didn’t recognize it, but it sounded pretty.

Janus held out his hand, and he said, “Would you at least dance with me?”

And I figured why the heck not, so I got up and said, “Yes.”

Janus took my right hand in his left and wrapped his right arm around my waist. It settled on my waist, right above my hips. Naturally, my free left hand went on his shoulder. I was taller than him by a few centimeters, but he still led. 

For a while, we just swayed back and forth. I don’t know if he was actually dancing or having trouble standing up straight, but I stepped on his feet a lot. I would apologize, and he’d laugh at me, telling me I didn’t hurt him. His hand snaked around my waist a little more to the small of my back and pressed me close, and my left hand traveled to the back of his neck. Eventually, his head rested on my shoulder, and my cheek rested on the top of his head.

We must’ve danced like that for hours. I wanted it to last forever.

Poor Janus passed out on his feet, and I tucked him into bed. He looked so peaceful, and I couldn’t help myself. I reached down and pecked him on the forehead. Then I scrambled onto the top bunk and tried to stop the butterflies in my stomach. I couldn’t fall asleep. I laid there and kept listening to the love songs until I eventually passed out myself.

And then my heart was broken when Janus denied everything he said the next morning.

I wanted to say he was lying, that he confessed everything to me that night, but I didn’t want him to think I took advantage of him or anything either. Besides, if he said he didn’t love me, I thought maybe I could go back to being normal- I mean, not that being gay is wrong, but I wanted to be straight so bad. It would’ve made my life so much easier.

It went on for months. I was absolutely miserable, and I could tell he was too. Still, I convinced myself it was for the best. I guess Janus couldn’t take it anymore, because one night, he closed our dorm door and locked it, and he turned to me with such a sad expression that my heart broke.

“Look, whatever happened between us, I just want you to know I’m sorry,” he said.

I laughed. I don’t know if he was apologizing for the night he was drunk or because I chose to ignore him, but I laughed. I saw him get upset, so I quickly said, “I know. I forgive you.”

“For what?”

“For,” I paused. What should I say? For loving you even though you’re not gay? For taking advantage of you while you were drunk and dancing with you? For ignoring you for the past few months and pretending we were nothing more than friends. I sighed through my nose, and I responded, “For saying you loved me.”

He looked horrified. It took me two seconds to realize he lied to me that night and didn’t know about anything that happened, and now I knew he was gay without his consent. I quickly tried to make him feel better.

“Look, I know that being… you know… isn’t exactly good, but-”

“Patton, are you gay?”

I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to lie. I wanted to say yes so badly, but what if it didn’t turn out right? What if he ended up hating me more? What if he wasn’t gay and he was just being really friendly? Or worse, what if he did love me and he wanted to date me?

So, I lied. “Of course not.”

“Patton,” he asked again, “are you interested in men, because… because I am. I’m gay.”

Gosh, did my world crumble around me. My worst nightmare came true. He was interested in me, and I was interested in him. He was the first man to ever say he loved me back, and I didn’t know what to do. What would my parents say? How would we even make it work? There were no laws to protect homosexual couples in New York City, even if gay marriage was legalized two or three years earlier.

So I took the easy way out and said, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know, or you don’t want to be?”

I panicked and said, “I don’t- It’s complicated, okay? I do think women are super pretty, and I hope one day I can be a dad and raise kids of my own, but the thought of actually having sex with a woman… makes me nervous.”

“Nervous or disgusted?”

“Look, Janus,” I sighed, “It’s not easy. I’m… scared.”

And he went into this beautiful speech about how I didn’t have to hide around him anymore. How I could be free to be myself. How if people truly loved me, they’d accept me even if I was gay. I broke down in his arms, and I remember him holding me close until I eventually fell asleep in his arms. He was so gentle with me and so patient. I don’t know how he did it.

Slowly, I started to accept that maybe being gay wasn’t a bad thing. It took me a while, but I eventually told Janus that I’d date him. I never saw him look so happy. The kiss was like nothing I ever experienced before. My heart pounded, my stomach did summersaults, and my brain completely turned off. That never happened around anyone else when I snogged them, and from that point on, I knew there was no denying it. I was born this gay.

The only problem now was my parents.

I couldn’t let it get out that I was gay. I depended on my parents for everything, and I know if I told them, they’d make sure I couldn’t get a job anywhere. They’d force me back into the closet. So, I asked Janus if he’d help me keep it a secret. 

It wasn’t fair, but if it meant we could be together until I could get enough money to support us both, I’d take it.

I started working for my dad’s company. He helped us get this pretty apartment in a nice area, gave me a decent salary so I could spoil Janus with fancy dinners, and put enough money away to help us move out onto our own once I broke the news to my parents.

And then, a pretty young woman named Romana next to us got pregnant. She was so scared. She knew she couldn’t support a child on her own, and I remember she said her roommates were going to kick her out if she had the baby. How people could be so cruel, I’d never know, but I told her that if they needed a place to stay, I’d be happy to take her and her child. She thanked me, but she said she was going to put the baby up for adoption.

That’s when I found out I really wanted to be a dad. 

I asked Janus if he’d ever considered adopting, specifically Romana’s child, and he shut me down. I was hurt, but I understood his choice. Still, I couldn’t let the thought go. I kept seeing children everywhere, and I couldn’t help but imagine myself and Janus caring for a child together. Eventually, it must’ve made Janus reconsider his choice, because he agreed.

And that’s when we asked Romana if we could adopt you.

I remember her coming over to our apartment and sharing little moments with us. How you would kick her belly. How her stomach would twitch when one of you got the hiccups. How the ultrasound showed she was having twins, and now I got to have two beautiful little boys to call my own. How she let me be there when the two of you were born by telling them I was the father.

I remember when the doctor placed you in my arms. You were so tiny. I was so overjoyed I cried. I could have the chance to raise a son who wasn’t afraid to be himself. I could be better than my parents. I promised you I’d give you the best chance that I could from then on out.

And I knew once I handed you over to Janus, he felt the same way.

Thankfully, it was the summer, and Romana didn’t have to take off work to care for the two of you. Janus and I went to work every day, and at night, we would spend as much time with you as we could. I swear I took a picture of everything you two did. I wish I still had that phone.

Then, one day, I showed up to work wearing your baby bib by accident. I tried to brush it off as nothing, but my father saw right through it.

“I heard rumors you adopted some trollop’s kids,” he said.

“She’s not a trollop.”

“Oh? Then why is it that you’re not married and have two twin boys?”

I felt my whole world starting to slow. I don’t know how he found or who told him, but my dad started to talk about how he noticed I was taking a man out to fancy restaurants and walking with him in the park. How it was weird that I was still hanging around Janus and not finding a woman to settle down with.

Finally, he asked, “Son, are you a nancy boy?”

He must’ve seen the fear in my eyes because he went off on one of his tirades. He threatened to kick me out of the industry if I didn’t leave you, and since my dad worked in fashion, there went all my dreams. I put on a brave face, telling him that I didn’t care and that I’d find a way to start my own business. Then he said something that made my blood run cold.

“I could get those children taken away from you faster than you could even imagine,” he said. “I could easily get him locked away for drug possession. I could make sure you two never see each other again. I don’t want to, but if you won’t come to your senses and drop the act, I will.”

The worst part was, I knew he was serious.

I tried to tell Janus that. I tried to tell him that no matter what we did, there was no way we’d get out of this together. It would be smarter if he moved out and forgot about me.

Too bad Janus was just as stubborn as I am.

So, I made the toughest choices in my life that I could. While he was at work, I packed up my things and a few things for Roman, and I called Thomas, who had moved back to the UK to start his own company. I told him everything that happened, and he said I could move in with him and he’d help me get back on my feet. He even offered that I change my last name to his husband’s, Coeur, and after that, I changed my first name as well. I was finally free of everything that would tie me to our family.

Now, all I had to do was say goodbye to the only man I ever loved.

It was selfish. So, so selfish. I hated myself for it, and I still hate myself for it, but I didn’t say goodbye to him. I couldn’t. He’d try to convince me not to leave again, and I would listen. I knew I would. I waited until he fell asleep that night, took Roman, and boarded a plane for London. I would’ve taken you too, but I couldn’t leave him with nothing, and I didn’t want to leave him with two children he couldn’t care for on his own.

All I could do was pray that he’d be able to make a life for himself without me.

Thankfully, my prayers were answered for once. I saw he became the runner of his own magazine, had two beautiful children of his own, and lived happily ever after.

I could never set foot on American soil after that. I did start my own store there, yes, but I never set foot in it. I knew that if I did, there’d be nothing stopping me from tracking him down and apologizing for everything I did. But he had to hate me. There was no way he’d forgive what I’ve done, and I don’t want him to. There’s nothing I could say or do that would make up for it.

But gosh, if I didn’t cry every night thinking about how badly I wanted him to forgive me.


	8. It's a Date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,166  
> Chapter Warnings: Food mentions, eating

“So, what now?” Remus asked as he blinked up at Patton.

“Well,” Patton said with a sigh. “I can’t let Roman over there with… him forever. I… Remus, I do love you, but I… gosh, this is so hard to express-”

“It’s okay, Dad. Can I still call you Dad?”

“You sure can, kiddo.”

“Okay good. I mean, I do love being with you, but the whole point of me and Roman switching places was so that you and my pop would have to talk again.”

Patton looked off into the distance, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard. He sighed through his nose and said, “Remus, this isn’t a Disney movie, and while I would really love for me and Janus to fall back in love like we did all those years ago, I don’t see it happening.”

“Why not?” Remus asked as he sat up on the bench.

“Because,” Patton took a deep breath and swallowed.

Remus felt a flash of anger boil in his gut as he defended his pop. “You’re judging what he’s going to say before it even happens. What if he understands this was for the best? What if he still loves you but thinks you ran off on him and he’s waiting for you to come back?”

Patton let out a long sigh. He stared down at the ground and squeezed his fingers together. He opened his mouth twice to answer Remus, but nothing came out. Instead, he chewed on his lip and moaned in frustration.

“Give him a week or something,” Remus said. “Just a week. We can fly out and you and Roman can stay with us while you and Pop talk it out.”

“Remus-”

“Please? Just give him a chance.” Remus paused. “I know he misses you. He talks about how he used to be in love with the most wonderful man all the time, and every time I ask more about you, he always gets so sad.”

“He does?”

“Oh definitely! Besides, I don’t think it was a coincidence that Roman and I ended up going to the same camp. You’re religious, right? Maybe it was a sign.”

Patton hummed. He let out a weak laugh and ruffled Remus’s hair. Remus laughed and pushed his hand away.

“That all sounds great, kiddo, but I’m not much of a flyer. Planes kind of… set me on edge.”

Remus pouted. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that part. Well, how about he comes here then?”

“I guess if he wants to-”

“Great! I’ll call up Roman and tell him the good news. Maybe Scare bear will come too, and it’ll be a whole big family reunion.”

“Scare bear?”

“Oh! My brother, Virgil.”

“You have a brother?”

“Adopted, yeah. I guess your parenting skills really made my pop want to be, well, a pop.”

Patton hummed. A drop of rain landed on the park bench, and he stood up. Extending the umbrella he brought along, he held it between him and Remus. He said, “Well, at least that was one thing I did for him.”

“That’s the spirit,” Remus said as he grabbed the umbrella from Patton’s hand. He closed it and took off. Patton yelled after him, and the sky opened up. People watched the two men run through the rain. Some shook their heads, some chuckled, and some wondered how someone could find any joy in this miserable weather. 

Patton and Remus didn’t care. The two were too busy laughing as they ran through the rain to worry about what other people thought or what was going to happen next.

* * *

When the two returned to the house, they were absolutely soaked. Logan greeted them at the door, took one look, and sighed.

“I just had the floors polished,” Logan mumbled.

“I know,” Patton said. “Sorry about that, Logan. Remus grabbed my umbrella and I had to take a rain check on staying dry.”

“I’m sorry, who?”

Remus extended his hand, and said, “Name’s Remus. I’m Roman’s long lost twin brother.”

“You have to be joking,” Logan said looking from Remus’s hand to his face and back to his hand again. “Is this part of some sort of role that you are trying out for that I was uninformed about?”

“Afraid not my spec-tacular friend,” Remus said.

Logan deflated as he mumbled, “Of course you inherited your father’s need to pun.”

Patton shifted his weight from one foot to the next. He looked ready to chicken out, but one glance at Remus and he sucked up his pride. “Logan, I might have some company flying in soon, and I need you to cancel all my appointments for the next week.”

Logan’s lips floundered. “The next- are you sure?”

Patton nodded. “I had some urgent family business Pop up. You remember how I said this is Roman’s long lost twin?”

“I do.”

“Well, Roman is currently across the pond with his… Pop,” Patton said as he popped the last ‘p’ sound.

Logan’s glasses slid down his nose as his eyebrows raised. He pushed them back up and took a calming breath in. “You’re sure?”

“As a beach,” Patton replied.

Logan sighed and pulled out his tablet. He poked it a few times and mumbled to himself, “Well, time to call up 95 unhappy brides and reschedule everything. Remind me why I haven’t quit yet.”

“Because you love me,” Patton said. The glare he got from Logan said otherwise, but he added quickly, “Thanks a million, Logan. I promise I’ll make it up to you later. I’ll even pull extra hours next week and extend your vacation time.”

Logan sighed and responded, “That’s quite unnecessary, Patton.”

“I’ll even throw in a few boxes of that expensive chocolate from Belgium you love.”

Logan looked up from his screen. “The ones with the raspberry insides?”

“Yup!”

“I suppose that would be satisfactory,” Logan said. Remus noticed how cool Logan tried to play it, but he could see the small smile poking at the corner of his lips. Must’ve been some damn good chocolate.

Patton turned to Remus, and he could see the stained smile poking out from Patton’s lips. Patton said, “Well, I guess we should tell our guests they’re being invited, huh?”

“Yeah,” Remus said, a little less enthusiastically. He sighed through his nose and pulled his phone out of his pocket. His heart pounded. The time stared back at him, and he swallowed thickly. “You know, it’s only three in the morning for them, right? I don't think they’ll be awake just yet.”

“Oh,” Patton said. Remus watched his shoulders relax. “That was a wake-up call. Well, uh, just text them that when they wake up to call then, okay?”

Remus nodded his head. 

Patton continued, “I’m going to change out of these wet clothes, then how about the lot of us go out for lunch? I have a lot to catch up on.”

Remus nodded his head.

Patton looked between the two before he excused himself and hurried up the stairs. Logan watched him leave, and Remus felt his heart tug a bit. If there was anything his pop taught him how to do, it was how to read people, and Patton read like a sinner sweating in church.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.

“I should probably start canceling all those appointments,” Logan said as he sighed through his nose. He stared at the tablet in front of him like a dropped ice cream cone.

“Aww, cheer up,” Remus said as he slung an arm around Logan’s shoulders. Logan wrinkled his nose. “How bad can a few angry brides be?”

“Well, judging by the other countless appointments I’ve had to cancel within this month alone, I can assume at least half are going to break down in tears, about 30% are going to demand to speak to Patton himself about the bad service, 17% are going to try their best to persuade me to reschedule the appointment for later in the day, 12% are going to be their fiance and pick up the phone by mistake and have to be the mediator between us, and the other 1% are going to hold no fuss at all and be pleasant and understanding, though that’s a generous number.”

Remus whistled. “Wow, you have this business thing down to a science, huh?”

“I have been working for Patton for the past three years, so yes, I have.”

“You have?” Remus blinked. “Why haven’t you, you know, gone off to college? You seem like a pretty smart guy.”

“University is expensive, far more expensive than I could afford, and considering that I do not work well within a school environment, I’m not sure if spending the money to get a college education will be worth it in the long run.”

“I know how that is,” Remus said. “School isn’t my thing either. Teachers hate me, probably because my first day of Kindergarten I climbed up the flag pole and hung the principal’s underwear on it.”

Logan rose a brow. “Why on earth would you do that?”

“I was bored.” Remus shrugged. “It was worth the phone call home, just to hear my pop try not to laugh on the phone. From then on, teachers stamped a warning label on me every year. If they were nice, I wasn’t too bad, but if they were bitches, I made them want to retire.”

The frown on Logan’s lips paused Remus’s next sentence in his throat. Remus laughed nervously and said, “What’s the matter? You just said you don’t like school, so you should find this funny too, right? I mean, weren’t you tired of being nice? Didn’t you want to go apeshit?”

“The reason I don’t work well within a school environment is that I have dyslexia,” Logan explained, “and while a few of my teachers at least tolerated my disability, most of them saw it as a poorly formed excuse since I did so well academically and treated my reading comprehension like it was at the same level as my peers.”

“Oh,” was all Remus could say. He bit on his lip. “I mean, if it’s any consolation, I have ADHD, so I get what you mean about the excuse thing.”

“Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder?” Logan hummed. “I thought perhaps I had that as well, growing up. I did a lot of research on mental disorders to try and figure out why I had problems reading the words on a page. It wasn’t until I met Thomas’s husband, who happened to be a psychologist, that I discovered I may have a learning disability.”

“That’s… sad,” Remus mumbled.

“I fail to see how that is disappointing in any way,” Logan said. “I’m happy to have discovered any sort of diagnosis.”

Remus didn’t know exactly what to say, so instead, he put his wet arm around Logan and pressed his soaked clothes against him in a side hug. Logan sputtered and protested, complaining that Remus was wrinkling his shirt, and Remus smirked. He let go of Logan and hurried up toward the stairs.

“See ya later, Loganator,” Remus said as he turned the corner. “I should probably get changed for my lunch date with Daddy.”

He didn’t get to see Logan’s reaction, but Remus knew Logan was internally groaning. He shut his bedroom door and leaned against the wood. Today’s events registered in his head for the first time, and he swallowed the dryness in his throat.

“Well, I should probably text Roman to call,” he said as he pulled out his phone. He stared at Roman’s name in his contacts. Would his pop come? Would this even work? What if he sent Roman and expected Remus to just come home? What if he really did care for Charlotte and he turned Patton down?

Remus sent the message telling Roman to call him before he could think too much about it.

* * *

The little cafe Patton took them to had way too many sweets to try and way too good loose-leaf black tea. Remus was more of a coffee person, but he might as well try British tea just for bragging rights when he got back to school. If he got back to school. Would he move to the UK or stay an American citizen if Patton and his pop got back together?

The pat on the shoulder caught Remus’s attention, and he turned to face Patton.

“Did you hear what I said?” Patton asked. Remus shook his head. Patton laughed to himself, and he said, “Your phone made a noise.”

“Oh!” Remus said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He saw Roman’s name, and his heart pounded in his chest. “Oh! It’s Roman. He’s asking if we’re ready to give a bell, whatever that means.”

“He asked if we’re ready to call him.”

“Then why didn’t he say so?”

Patton took a deep breath, and he played with his fingers on the tabletop. After chewing on his lip, he said, “I guess I’m ready.”

Remus studied Patton for a moment before he glanced down at the screen. He hit the call button on his messenger app, and he waited for Roman to pick up on the other side. Roman picked up, his face distorted by the low bit rate of the cafe’s free wifi.

“Hey, there he is,” Remus said as he put on his best smile.

“Yes, and I would rather not stare up your nostrils,” Roman mumbled.

“But I need you to check and see if anything’s up there,” Remus responded by tilting his head back further and pulling the phone close. “Oh, look! My mustache is starting to come in again.”

The disgusted choking noises from Roman were worth it. Remus passed the phone over to Patton. Patton grabbed the phone and held it against the table.

“Roman,” he greeted, “How are you? Are you okay? You’re wearing sunscreen, aren’t you?”

“Dad, your thumb’s on the camera.”

“Oh, sorry.” Patton moved his finger. “Video calling gets a thumbs down from me.”

Roman smiled and fluttered his eyelashes. “Good morning, Dad.”

“Good morning, son.” Patton’s face fell a bit. “Young man, when you get home, I’m going to have a serious conversation with you about trading places with an absolute stranger.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” Roman sighed. “It was stupid. But! But, I got to meet someone who I’m excited for you to see again.”

Patton sucked in a deep breath through his nose. His voice came out strained, “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

“Here, wait, I’ll go get him.”

“No, wait, Roman-” Patton protested. The camera jostled back and forth as Roman walked. Patton put the phone on the table and covered his face with his hands. He took a deep breath through his fingers and whimpered.

Remus snatched the phone off the table before his pop could see Patton on the screen. Roman shoved the phone into Janus’s face, who looked up from his work on the computer and rose a brow.

“Well, there you are,” Janus said. “I thought maybe the aliens abducted you and took you home.”

“Sorry, no dice,” Remus said.

Janus stared at the phone for a second before he said, “So, you really did shave off your mustache.”

“I did,” Remus wiggled his lips, “but don’t worry. It’s coming back.”

“Oh, thank goodness. Heaven forbid you actually look attractive for once. I’m not here to raise beautiful children.”

“You’re just jealous that I can grow one,” Remus said. He looked over his screen at Patton, who peeked out from between his fingers. He rose a brow, and Patton shook his head no. Remus glanced back down at the phone. “So, Pop-”

“Let me guess. You’re bringing Patton over so he can romantically sweep me off his feet and the two of us can get back together again.”

“Hah, sorta. See, ol’ Pattycakes here doesn’t like flying, so he offered you to stay here for the week.”

“He did?” Janus rose a brow.

“He did!” Remus echoed.

“Well, in that case, how can I refuse?” Janus rolled his eyes. “Of course I’d have to be the one to travel halfway across the world to meet up with the man who got as far away from me as possible.”

Remus laughed nervously. “Pop, he can hear you.”

The cocky grin on Janus’s face fell.

Remus continued, “Well, Patton’s offered to buy you three plane tickets to come over here for a week, and your flight leaves tomorrow afternoon in your time, so I’ll send you the ticket code over email and you can get ready for that.”

“Tomorrow? Remus, I can’t just leave the animals here on their own.”

“Oh, come on. Taylor can handle it! You know she does a great job when we go camping every July.”

“But the photoshoot-”

“And I know for a fact that Jack can run the magazine without you and will push you out the door if it means you get together with an old flame.”

Janus sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He stared off into the distance. Roman turned the camera back onto his face and smiled at Remus.

“It’s a date!” he said before Janus could protest. “I’ll help us pack up our things and meet you at the airport tomorrow then- well, I guess for you in two days.”

“Yeah,” Remus said as he squeezed the phone in his hand. He swallowed thickly. “See you guys later.”

“Ciao.”

Remus ended the call before Roman could and slumped against his seat. Patton stared into his tea, his teeth worrying his bottom lip until the skin turned red. Remus reached out and grabbed onto Patton’s hand, rubbing soothing circles over his knuckles.

“It’s going to be okay,” Remus said. “He still totally thinks you’re hot.”

“You heard him,” Patton said. “I told you he was still upset.”

“That was just Pop being his sarcastic annoying self. He still totally digs you, or else he wouldn’t have hesitated to come. Trust me.”

“I,” Patton let out a long sigh. “Okay. I’ll take your word for it.”

Remus sent a half reassuring smile. This had to work. If Roman was telling the truth and his pop was seeing Charlotte, then if this didn’t work, not only would he be saddled with an evil stepmother, but he’d lose out on living with his twin brother.

Remus shared a look with Logan and Thomas, who stayed oddly quiet through the whole ordeal. Thomas sent a sympathetic smile, and Logan angrily tapped on his tablet. Remus leaned over Logan’s shoulder. Huh, Logan used a special wide font to help him read.

“Do you mind?” Logan mumbled.

“No,” Remus responded.

Logan moved his shoulder, bumping Remus off and making him laugh. That seemed to bring a smile back to Patton’s face. Good. Remus squeezed his hands together under the table.

This had to work. It was going to work. Remus couldn’t afford to think otherwise.


	9. It's Not a Date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 4,499  
> Chapter Warnings: sick character, vomiting, food poisoning, arguing, awkward tension, treats of purposefully triggering someone’s allergy, one nsfw joke

“Tell me again why we’re going to visit this guy who ran away from you and left you for dead?” Virgil mumbled as he scrolled through his phone.

Roman side-eyed him, too tired of defending his dad to give an answer. He decided about an hour ago he no longer liked Virgil. 

Janus sighed through his nose and looked over at Virgil with a stern frown. “Like I told you, we’re only going to drop Roman off. Then we’re coming back home.”

“So why not just send him back himself?”

“Because if I do that, I have a feeling Remus won’t come home until I go get him myself.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Virgil mumbled. Janus heard and sent a glare. Virgil shrunk down in his seat as he said, “Okay yeah I get it.”

“You didn’t have to come along, you know,” Roman said. “You could’ve stayed home on your lizard farm and been a sulky stormcloud.”

“I know,” Virgil grumbled. “But I figured since I got a passport four years ago, I might as well use it.”

Roman’s stomach dropped. He had a passport, but Remus currently had it. He looked at Janus and chewed his lip. “Um, I have a problem.”

“Yes?” Janus said with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, it’s just, I don’t have my pass-” Roman watched Janus pull out a tiny book from his pocket and pass it over. Roman eyed the book and opened it. Remus’s picture smiled back at him, and Roman blinked. He finished lamely, “-port.”

“Aren’t you glad we decided to take a trip to Niagara Falls before Remus started growing out his mustache?” Janus said with a raised brow.

Roman gave a sheepish smile. He looked up at the boarding logo, hoping that their flight wouldn’t be delayed. While he was excited to see his dad find his one true love once again, he was more excited to be home with his dad in general. California was nice, but he’d much rather the cloudy days in London right now.

Soon, the family boarded the plane and started their journey. Thankfully, his dad paid for all of them to go first class, or else he would’ve choked the everloving life out of Virgil. There was no way he’d be able to stand ten hours on a plane sitting next to him. The feeling appeared mutual, which Roman didn’t mind a bit.

Janus played idly with something in his pocket. Every time Roman brought it up, Janus would deny he did anything more than play with a piece of loose lint. Why Janus was lying about what was in his pocket Roman didn’t know, but he wanted to find out in the worst way.

The plane took off, and Roman thought he’d catch up on some sleep he missed out on while dreaming about next week’s events.

Soon, they touched down at the airport, and Roman practically vibrated in his seat. Patton promised he’d meet them at the airport. No doubt he’d bring Logan. Maybe Uncle Thomas would come. He was sure Thomas would want to meet the person who captivated his brother’s heart all those years ago.

Gosh, this was playing out just like a Disney movie, and Roman loved it. Two lovers being reunited after years of being apart and falling into each other’s arms like they were a puzzle piece that fit perfectly. Roman swooned at the thought. 

After a rather uneventful trip through customs, Roman searched around for that familiar dark-haired nerd with glasses that usually picked him up. He bit his lip. They weren’t late, were they? Sure, their plane landed a few minutes early, but the time they spent waiting in customs should’ve made up for that.

Virgil adjusted the straps of his backpack as he looked around the airport. He leaned in close to Roman’s ear and asked, “So, where are they?”

“I’m looking,” Roman mumbled back. He let out a long sigh. The people in the airport passed by without a care in the world. If they knew what dramatic movie scene was about to unfold, they’d stop and watch just like in those online videos where two lovers dramatically reunite, and the whole airport bursts into applause.

Wait, there! He caught Logan first, then Thomas, then Patton waiting by the doors.

Roman darted forward, not really caring if Virgil or Janus kept up. His dad turned around just in time to have an armful of Roman. Roman wrapped his arms around Patton’s chest. Patton staggered back a bit, but he soon caught on to the situation and wrapped his own arms back around Roman. 

“There you are,” Patton said into Roman’s hair. He kissed the top of his head repeatedly. “Welcome home.”

Roman settled into the familiar scent of his dad’s vanilla body spray and let out a content sigh. He let his eyes close as his dad wrapped his arms around Roman’s chest, securing him into the tight, protective hug he loved so much.

For a moment, nothing else in the world mattered.

“You know you’re grounded after all this, right?” Patton whispered in his hair.

Roman swallowed and nodded his head. Well, okay, maybe one thing could ruin the moment.

Roman felt Patton’s head move, and Patton’s body stiffened. Roman looked away from his dad’s chest long enough to catch his expression. It wasn’t worried or scared or even overjoyed like Roman anticipated. It was distant as if Patton wasn’t home anymore. He could feel Patton’s heart quicken in his chest, and his grip tightened ever so slightly around Roman.

“Pop!” Remus’s enthusiastic shout sounded. Remus flung himself at his dad, wrapping his arms and legs around Janus’s middle. Janus would’ve fallen over if he didn’t take several steps backward. Remus clung to his dad like a koala. He nuzzled his head into Janus’s chest and started fake purring.

“Wow, Remus, it’s almost like you missed me,” Janus said. He gave two pats to Remus’s back and gently pushed Remus off. Remus’s response was apparently to hug tighter because Janus sighed and gave up rather quickly.

For a moment, no one else said anything.

“You must be Janus,” Thomas said as he closed the gap. He held out his hand. “I heard a lot about you.”

“You did?” Janus said as he rose a brow.

“Sure did,” Thomas answered. “Patton talked a lot about you when he first moved back. It’s an honor to meet you, really.”

Janus hesitantly held a hand out and shook Thomas’s hand. Remus slowly slid off Janus’s chest and moved to stand next to Virgil. Virgil took two steps away from him. 

“I wish I could say the same about you,” Janus answered.

Thomas blinked before he responded, “Oh, I’m Thomas. I’m his older brother.”

Janus hummed. He peered over Thomas’s head and caught Patton not so subtly trying to look anywhere but Janus right now. He sighed through his nose and turned his attention back to Thomas.

Thomas continued, “We won’t all fit in Patton’s car, so I hope you don’t mind that I’m driving you and your family to the house.”

“Of course not,” Janus responded.

“Wait, Uncle Thomas,” Roman said as he released himself from his dad. “Why don’t you take me, Virgil, and Remus? It’ll be like the kiddo car or something.”

Thomas looked up to study Patton’s reaction and said, “I don’t know, Ro. I think maybe-”

“I think it’s a great idea,” Remus chimed in. “I call shotgun!”

“Wait, Remus- what is a shotgun?” Roman yelled as he chased after his twin, who darted out the swinging doors and toward the line of cars blaring their horns at each other. 

Logan sighed rather loudly and walked over toward Janus. He grabbed onto the trolly with their luggage on it and said, “I’ll handle all this. You worry about getting yourself into the car before the twins do anything stupid.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Janus said. Logan looked over and briefly held eye contact with Virgil.

“What?” Virgil snapped.

Logan blinked several times before he responded, “I was merely checking to see if you needed any of your luggage put in the car as well.”

“Oh,” Virgil mumbled, “Nah, I’m good. Don’t worry about it.”

Logan nodded his head and wheeled Janus’s stuff toward the car. For a moment, Janus and Patton held a silent conversation before Patton walked toward the doors without a word. Janus deflated and narrowed his eyes.

“Wow, I knew it’d be rainy here, but I didn’t think it’d be cold too,” Janus grumbled. Virgil studied his pop before following him through the revolving doors. Thomas took up the tail end of the train.

Eventually, they all made it to the cars that would take them to Patton’s house. Roman and Remus situated themselves so that only one other person could fit in the backseat. Virgil eyed them over before realizing he was either shoving himself in the back with those two or riding with complete strangers in the other car. Virgil swallowed thickly and took up the remaining room in Thomas’s car.

That left the three kids to watch the interaction between Janus and Patton from afar.

“Well, this is going… well,” Roman mumbled.

“Are you kidding? They hate each other,” Virgil said.

Roman’s sharp intake of breath preceded, “Of course they don’t! They’re just shy.”

“Oh yeah? Then why haven’t they said a word to each other yet?”

Roman looked between the car seats and studied his dad. Patton had positioned himself so the car was between him and Janus. Janus stood on the other side. Patton slid in first. Janus made sure Logan went in next, then he took the other side by the window. Roman deflated and flopped back into his seat.

“They’re just,” Roman let out a long sigh. “They’re just awkward. It’ll work out.”

“Sure,” Virgil said as he rolled his eyes. His stomach rumbled, and he clenched it. A look of pain crossed his face, and he let out a long breath. “Tell me the ride to your house isn’t long.”

Remus wrapped his arm around Virgil’s neck, pulling Virgil’s head into his chest. He rubbed his knuckles into Virgil’s hair. Virgil hissed out sharp insults and tried to free his neck, but Remus held tighter.

“Oh, come on, thunderstorms. You know how stubborn Pop can be. Once they get past realizing each other exist again, they’ll be humping like rabbits.”

Virgil freed his head and fixed his hair back into place. He let out a disgusted noise. “Do you have to be yourself?”

“I’d rather be me than Roman,” Remus said, “No offense.”

“None taken,” Roman responded. “I’d rather be myself as well.”

“Oh, Virgil, did you pack the rats?” Remus asked.

“Duh. They’re with our stuff,” Virgil said.

Remus bounced in his seat. “Oh, thank goodness! I missed my babies.”

“Wait, you brought his what?” Roman said as he rose a brow.

“Relax, Princey. They’re not in your suitcase or anything,” Virgil said with a smirk. Roman’s unamused face answered him. Virgil continued, “They’re in the carrier I brought, remember?”

“Oh, of course. It was so long ago I forgot.” Roman mumbled.

“Honestly, we’re just lucky they allow rodents because there was no way I was smuggling two rats into the plane.”

“Aww, what’s wrong with a little illegal activity?” Remus asked as he elbowed Virgil in the side. Virgil elbowed him back, and Remus made a grab for his head again. Virgil shoved him into Roman. Roman hit his shoulder off the window and yelped. He started yelling about the new bruise that would surely form.

Thomas glanced back in his mirror, shook his head, and sighed through his nose. He wondered the whole car ride home if he and Patton fought like that when they were younger.

* * *

Finally, the car pulled into the driveway. The car with Patton, Logan, and Janus stopped first, and Janus practically fell out of the car when the driver opened the door. He straightened out his shirt and adjusted his hat.

Patton got out gracefully as always, but the frown on his lips wrinkled his face just as much as the scowl on his brow. Logan followed after Patton, his shoulders stiff, and adjusted his glasses.

The boys watched the scene unfold from the back of the car with bated breaths.

“Logan, would you please show Janus to his room,” Patton demanded. He didn’t even look in Janus’s or Logan’s direction as he gave the order.

“Of course,” Logan said. He moved toward the trunk of the car.

“Now,” Patton snapped. Logan looked up from his position.

“Oh do keep shouting,” Janus snapped. “It’s absolutely not making the situation any worse than you already have.”

Patton spun around, his mouth open to say something back, but he closed it and looked away. Janus marched toward the house. He disappeared through the doors before Logan could catch up. Patton slumped against the car door and buried his head in his hands.

Thomas sucked in a deep breath before he opened his car door. The boys sat in silence and stared as Thomas shut the door and walked over to Patton.

“Yikes,” Virgil mumbled.

“Well,” Roman said with a forced smile, “At least they were talking to each other.”

“If you could call that talking,” Virgil added.

Remus chewed on his lip before he said, “Now, now, this isn’t an awful thing. Sometimes hate sex happens.”

“What is it with you and sex today?” Virgil asked.

“Just on the brain, I guess.”

Roman shushed them both. He watched the interaction between Patton and Thomas as Patton practically fell into Thomas’s embrace. Thomas patted Patton’s back. Roman wished he could hear what they were saying.

“Well, not every first meeting has to be magical,” Roman said. “There are tons of couples that meet on less than good terms, and by the end of the week, they can’t get enough of each other. They just have to get past the rough parts and talk it out.”

“Good luck,” Virgil mumbled. “Pop doesn’t talk about his feelings.”

“Well,” Roman bit his lip. “You never know.”

“Face it. This isn’t going to work,” Virgil said. He opened his car door and exited the vehicle. Though, as he stood up, he gripped the car door to keep his balance.

“You okay there, bro?” Remus asked.

Virgil opened his mouth to speak, but he gagged instead. He swallowed hard and took three deep breaths in. “Fine. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” Roman asked. “You’re looking a little iffy.”

Virgil waved him off and closed the door behind him. Remus watched his brother go from walking to the house to sprinting through the door. He turned to Roman and offered a small smile. However, it disappeared soon after when he caught Roman’s defeated expression.

“This was a horrible idea, wasn’t it?” Roman said. “What was I thinking? I was so wrapped up in the idea of my dad getting back together with someone he loved that I didn’t even consider his feelings.”

“Aww, cheer up,” Remus said as he nudged Roman’s shoulder. “You couldn’t have destroyed it more than it already was.”

“I know,” Roman said with a sigh, “but I feel so guilty. Look at him, Remus. He’s miserable.”

“He was miserable before, trust me.” Remus paused. “Besides, they still have a week before we go home. A lot can happen in a week.”

Roman sighed and responded, “I know. I just hope everything works out.”

Thomas and Patton pulled away, and Patton brushed his tears away on the handkerchief Thomas handed over to him. A hand on Patton’s back led the two brothers to the house.

Roman counted two heartbeats before he opened his door. Remus followed soon after, and the two of them moved to the back of the car to pull out their luggage. Logan soon joined them.

“So,” Remus said as he turned to Logan, “am I rooming with Roman, or do I get my own room.”

Logan sighed and said, “I’m afraid your father is demanding your family return home as soon as possible, or at least get a hotel room until your flight leaves.”

“What?” the twins both said at once.

“Patton has offered to cover all expenses,” Logan added.

“You can’t be serious,” Roman whined. “We wasted all this time preparing for the two of them to get back together, and they’re going to throw it all away? They haven’t even given each other a chance.”

“On the contrary, you were not there for the car ride home,” Logan said.

“Well, what did they say?” Remus asked.

Logan took a deep breath and paraphrased, “Well, it started off with small talk, as most conversations do. At least, Patton was trying to engage in small talk. Janus didn’t seem that interested in reciprocating. Patton tried to apologize for what happened, and Janus made a sarcastic remark about how much Patton tried to save his public face and didn’t mean it. Then nothing but cutting comments and arguments followed. It was-” Logan rubbed his ear- “not very pleasant to be in the middle of.”

Roman threw his hands up in the air. Remus stroked his chin and paced back and forth.

“Well,” Remus said as he looked over at Roman, “you remember how in the movie, the twins dressed like each other and refused to tell their parents which one was which so they had to stay longer?”

“Are you telling me I have to act like you again?” Roman asked.

“Not really. We just have to act like both of ourselves at the same time,” Remus said. “You know. Throw them off.”

“That,” Roman paused, “could work. But Janus knew I wasn’t you apparently since the moment I got off the plane. What’s going to stop him from figuring us out this time?”

“Because if we do this right, he won’t be able to tell the difference,” Remus said. “So, you better start thinking some dirty thoughts, Roro, because it’s about to get steamy after this.”

“Well, whatever you’re planning on doing, please leave me out of it,” Logan mumbled. “I have enough problems without the two of you making my life difficult.”

“Only if you swear not to tell them what we’re doing,” Roman said.

Logan sighed. “Why would I even want to get involved?”

“Swear on it,” Remus ordered.

Logan rose a brow. “Swear on what?”

Remus spit in his hand and held it out. Logan’s face went from disgusted to horrified as he realized what Remus asked of him. Without another word, Logan turned on his heel and headed toward the house.

“Just leave me out of whatever you two are planning, and I swear I won’t interfere,” Logan said.

Remus turned to Roman and rose a brow, a grin sliding across his face. Roman mirrored it and let out a small laugh.

Remus said, “Okay, first thing’s first. I’m going to need your shirt.”

* * *

Janus checked his watch as he let out a huff. He tapped his foot on the floor and called out, “Virgil, are you finished? As much as I love being here, I’d love to leave now.”

Virgil rounded the corner of the stairwell holding his stomach and chewing on his lip. “Yeah, I hear you.”

“Gosh, you going to be okay, kiddo?” Patton asked.

Virgil waved him off and swallowed hard. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and flew back up the stairs. Patton whined and went to follow, but thought better of it and stayed put. Janus let out a long sigh.

“Of course he would get sick after a plane ride. Why wouldn’t he get sick after a plane ride?” Janus said as he pinched his brow.

“Aren’t you worried about him?” Patton asked as he turned his head.

“Of course I am,” Janus responded in a harsh tone. “The question is, why are you worried about him?”

“Why wouldn’t I be worried about him?”

“Forgive me for believing you’d be worried about any of my children after you abandoned one of them to fly a quarter of the way around the world.”

“That’s not fair and you know it.”

“Life’s not fair.”

“You know, I’ve about had it with your attitude, and I don’t get fed up easily.”

“Oh please do scold me more like I’m some child.”

“This is my house, Sir, and I will not tolerate your sarcastic sassiness anymore.”

“Then go outside.”

The front doors opened, and Janus and Patton turned at the same time. Patton’s forced smile didn’t last long as he took in the sight before him, and Janus’s eyebrow raised the moment he laid eyes on the two twin boys in front of them.

Twin one had a red shirt with white sleeves, black shorts, flip flops, messed up hair, and a crown necklace around his neck. Twin two had a striped green shirt, tan shorts, Disney Converse sneakers, and a silver chain bracelet on his wrist. Both of them had messed up hair and a mischievous glint in their eyes.

“Well,” Janus said as he folded his arms over his chest. “What do we have here?”

Twin one said, “We’ve decided we’re not telling you who is who-”

“-until you two at least promise to give each other a chance,” twin two finished.

Patton’s eyes glanced between the two of them, and he opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again to speak. “Roman Princeton Coeur-”

“Yes?” both twins said at once.

Patton’s voice squeaked as he stopped his next sentence in his throat. He bit his lip.

Janus sighed through his nose and walked toward them. His footsteps were slow, calculated, and stopped a foot away. He leaned in close to their faces, monitoring every twitch of their brow. His eyes drifted between the two of them. 

“Now, you know I’ll figure out who you are, Remus,” Janus said. “This is only going to make sure you’re grounded for a year.”

“Go ahead,” twin one said. Janus’s eyes went to the right.

“I don't mind,” twin two said. Janus’s eyes glanced back to the left.

“I’d hate to be stuck in my room where I can masturbate all day long.”

“Besides, I have my rats to keep me company.”

Janus took one last look between the two of them before pointing to twin two. “You’re Remus. I know that smirk anywhere.”

“Are you sure, pop?” twin one said.

Janus turned to them and hesitated. “Absolutely.”

“You know,” twin two said, “if you get this wrong, you’ll be stuck with Roman until you eventually decide to switch us back.”

“I’m fine with that,” Janus said. He ignored Patton’s whine of protest behind him.

“Are you?” twin one said. “You have no idea what Roman’s really like.”

“Roman could be worse,” twin two said.

Janus snorted. “What’s worse than waking up with crap paintings taped to your fridge?”

“Janus!” Patton snapped behind him.

“Relax,” Janus answered without looking at him. “I’m not being critical about his art. He literally pooped on a page, painted a picture with it, and called it art.”

“Oh,” Patton swallowed thickly. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Roman, you know what’ll happen if you don’t tell me who is who right now, right?”

“I’m already grounded,” twin two said.

“What else could you possibly do to me?” twin one said. 

Patton ran his fingers through his hair.

“Well, there is one way to settle this,” Janus said as he straightened his back. “Patton, do you have any mushrooms lying around?”

“I don’t,” Patton answered. “Why?”

“Because Remus is allergic to mushrooms.”

“Oh, absolutely not! You are not going to make Remus have an allergic reaction to food just to find out who is who. I draw the line at torture, mister.”

“Relax. Remus loves mushrooms. Besides, I brought his Epipen along, so when he does have his allergic reaction, it won’t kill him.”

“God, what are you yelling about?” Virgil’s quiet voice came from the stairs. All attention turned to Virgil, who was almost white as a sheet. He leaned heavily against the rail. The tremor in his cheeks suggested he could get sick again at any given moment. Virgil took one look at the twins and sighed through his nose. “I don’t even want to know what you two are up to.”

“You know,” Thomas said from his spot in the doorway. Patton turned his head toward him, as if he forgot his brother was in the room, and Janus raised an interested brow. Thomas continued, “If you stay a little longer, I have a home remedy for upset stomachs.”

Patton’s face turned to one of horror, and he looked ready to protest, but he let his comment die in his throat. He glanced back at Virgil and sighed through his nose. “Maybe… maybe you should stay a little longer. Just until Virgil feels like himself.”

Janus looked ready to protest, but one look at Virgil brought a long sigh through his nose. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. After a calming breath in, he said, “I suppose some time here won’t be horrible as long as Virgil’s recovering from whatever illness he picked up.” He turned his head back to Patton. “But the moment he’s recovered, we’re gone.”

“That’s fine by me,” Patton said.

Janus turned his head back to the twins and added, “With or without the right twin.”

Both twins tried their best not to look phased. Janus studied them for a moment longer before he turned to Logan and said, “Would you be the only gentleman in this house and show Virgil to our room?”

Logan stiffened, not knowing whether that was a compliment or merely meant to insult Patton, and nodded his head. “Of course.”

“Should I call the doctor?” Patton asked.

“Only if he’s dying,” Janus replied.

“I’ll cover all expenses. It’s no trouble at all.”

“Tell me again why you care?”

“Why wouldn’t I? He’s sick, Janus. I can’t sit here and watch someone suffer like that.”

Janus rose a brow, and he searched Patton for any sign of a trick. He hesitated before he responded, “Thank you, Patton, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

Patton nodded his head. Janus watched him for a moment before he followed Logan up the stairs without another word. Patton let out a long sigh and disappeared into the kitchen. 

Thomas hummed as he turned toward the two mixed up twins and smiled. He said, “Well, I hope you two know what you’re doing.”

“We do,” they said at once.

Thomas shook his head and laughed. He followed Patton into the kitchen, most likely to prepare something to help Virgil out. The two twins hurried up the stairs to Roman’s room. The easy part was over. Now, they had to figure out how to get Janus and Patton talking to each other again. 


	10. It's Sort of a Date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 5,510  
> Chapter Warnings: vomit mention, a lot of fluff, awkwardness, fluff, dad flirting

Janus twisted the tiny golden object in his hand. He paused to stare at it before he squeezed it in his palm. A long sigh left his nose. As he leaned back on the pillow, he thought about the exact moment he got it, what he was doing, how he felt, and what he thought it meant. How could he be so stupid? How could he bank his entire life on that one object when there was so much secrecy in his life?

A knock sounded at the door, and Janus shoved it into his pocket. He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter on the bed.

“Come in,” he said. 

The door opened, and Logan poked his head in. Janus raised a brow in a silent question.

“Salutations,” Logan greeted. “I’m sure you are exhausted from your flight, so I’m checking in to see if you would like any afternoon tea brought up to you.”

“No, I’m good,” Janus said with a wave of his hand.

Logan nodded. “Understood.”

As Logan closed the door, Janus called out, “Hey, wait.”

Logan paused in the middle of closing the door, his head barely visible through the tiny crack. He rose his own brown in question, his glasses slipping down his nose a little. 

Janus thought his words over before he asked, “Your name is Logan, right?”

“Yes.”

“What exactly do you do?”

“I am Patton’s personal assistant. I am in charge of scheduling all his appointments, keeping him on task, and making sure he doesn’t miss any meetings with important people in his life. I’m also in charge of keeping the house running-”

“You could’ve stopped at Patton’s personal assistant,” Janus said.

Logan looked irritated by the interruption, but he didn’t vocalize it. Instead, he said, “Is that all you require?”

Janus thought for a moment. “How long have you been his assistant?”

“One year, two months, three weeks, and nine days,” Logan said. He paused. “And eleven hours.”

Janus snorted. “Well, I can see why he keeps you around. Not that Patton was ever disorganized or anything, but I’m sure we can both agree he’s less than good at keeping a working schedule on his own.”

“He does what his heart desires a lot of the time, yes.”

“That must be exhausting to keep up with. Why haven’t you quit yet?”

“Well,” Logan paused, “because he was the reason I didn’t give up.”

“On what?”

“Everything.”

The grin on Janus’s face started to slip away. He could sense a deep story behind just that one word, but it would be rude to ask for the life story of someone he just met a few hours ago. Instead, he sighed and leaned back on his bed.

“Is that all you needed?” Logan asked.

“Yes,” Janus replied. He didn’t look up as Logan shut the door to Janus’s room.

What was he doing? He came all this way to talk to Patton, and here he was giving Patton the cold shoulder. Why? What did he have to gain? What did he expect this to be like? Janus sighed through his nose and chewed on his lip. 

Maybe Patton didn’t fall at his feet and beg for forgiveness. Maybe he didn’t tell Janus that he was a fool for wasting all these years. Maybe Patton didn’t want to admit his parents won in the end by separating Patton from the only man (as far as he knew) who ever loved him.

But Patton didn’t ignore him. Patton paid for him to travel across the ocean to come and see him again. Patton tried to ask how he was and if he was still working with reptiles. Patton wanted to know where he was living and if he was happy in life. Patton tried his best to show interest in him.

Perhaps Janus misread Patton’s apprehension for forced politeness.

Part of Janus wanted to go apologize, but the louder part of him wanted to wallow in his own pride. Patton had a lot more to apologize for than him. Still, he couldn’t apologize if Janus didn’t give him a chance.

Janus rolled over onto his side and stared at the clock. Even though it was two in the afternoon, he felt like it was six in the morning and stayed up all night. Part of him wondered how Virgil was doing and if he felt better. Janus thought back to everything Virgil could’ve eaten that would’ve given him an upset stomach. As far as he knew, Virgil didn’t eat before they left because his nerves about flying for so long were too high. 

Perhaps he should go check on him.

Janus swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. He exited his room and walked down the hall. Either it was his imagination, or the whole house smelled like cinnamon. Janus walked a little way down the hall until he stopped at what he hoped he remembered was Virgil’s door. He raised his knuckles up and knocked twice.

“He’s asleep,” a whisper on the other side of the door said.

Janus turned the knob and opened the door. His eyes scanned the room until they settled on the bed. Virgil laid in the middle, sound asleep. To his side sat Patton in a wooden rocking chair.

Patton looked up and caught Janus’s eye. A sincere smile crossed his face as he rose a finger to his lips. Patton stood up from the chair and tiptoed over to the door. Janus stepped back into the hall to allow Patton to exit. After Patton slipped through, he closed the door behind him.

“He fell asleep a few minutes ago,” Patton said in a hushed voice. “You just missed him.”

“How is he?” Janus asked.

“Still has an upset stomach and cramps, plus a bit of a fever. I think he got a mild case of food poisoning is all,” Patton said.

“Must’ve been the airplane food,” Janus said with a shrug.

Patton sighed through his nose. “It could’ve been. He should be fine by tomorrow, hopefully. If not, I’m calling the doctor.”

“I told you that’s not necessary.”

“And I told you I’m not about to watch someone suffer in my house.”

A silence settled between the two of them. Patton shifted his weight from one foot to the other before he sighed through his nose and looked down at his feet. He let out a low laugh.

Janus rose a brow. “What?”

“Oh, just remembering something.” Patton sighed. “Remember back in our first year of college when you convinced me to eat fried okra.”

Janus flinched. “I don’t believe so. Must’ve blocked it from my memory.”

“I mean, I would’ve too.” Patton played with his fingers. “I swear it wasn’t that color when I ate it.”

“Please, Patton, as much as I’d love to recall being vomited on-”

“Hah! You do remember.” Patton jabbed a finger in Janus’s chest.

Janus let out a weak snort. “I haven’t the faintest idea of what you’re talking about.”

“You can’t fool me, you big softie. You might want to forget, but I still remember.” Patton’s smile softened to something sadder, and his sigh dragged a little longer. He chewed on his bottom lip and continued. “I remember a lot of things you taught me.”

Janus’s grin disappeared as well. He took a step back, hoping to walk away from the awkward tension that settled between the two of them, and his fingers fiddled with the object he placed in his pocket earlier. He sighed through his nose and opened his mouth to speak.

Patton interrupted, “Well, I should probably be going. You’re probably interested in visiting Virgil, not standing out here with me.”

Patton sidestepped until he no longer separated Janus from the doorway. Janus fought the urge to reach out and grab his hand. He hoped Patton would wait. Instead, Patton sent him a forced smile and walked down the hallway.

Janus let out a long sigh through his nose. He lifted his hat and ran a hand through his hair. Without another word, he slipped into Virgil’s room to check up on his eldest son.

Patton hurried down the stairs and headed into the dining room where Thomas sat. He plopped down into the chair across from him and took a deep breath.

“Hey, Pat,” Thomas greeted.

Patton reached for the sugar and dropped two spoonfuls in his tea. He swirled his tea and watched it go round in circles.

Thomas raised a brow. “You okay there?”

Patton let out a long sigh. It didn’t sound sad or relieved, but somewhere in the middle. Resigned, maybe. Either way, he knew he didn’t like the feeling.

“Okay,” Thomas said as he rose his own teacup to his lips. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”

“I-” Patton started, but he cut himself off. He cleared his throat and took a sip of tea. After licking it from his lips, he continued, “I ran into Janus on my way down here.”

“You did?” Thomas said with a raised brow.

“Yes.”

“And?”

“Well… I… we…”

“Does he hate you?”

“I don’t know,” Patton put his teacup down on the saucer and stared at his reflection in the ripples. He took a deep breath. “I can feel something’s off about him, but I’ve never really been able to guess how he’s actually feeling. He’s a puzzle. Sometimes I can get him right away, and sometimes none of the pieces fit.”

“And this is a not fitting moment I guess?”

“I just feel like I’ve done something wrong. I tried to be nice to him, and you saw how that went.”

“But you never apologized.” Patton looked up at that. Thomas took a sip of his tea and said, “You know, if my boyfriend disappeared with one of my kids and never contacted me for sixteen years, I’d be a little ticked off and really hurt.”

“I know,” Patton said. “I thought about what I’d say to him for so long that when the moment came I just… nothing sounded good enough.”

“You know, sometimes an apology doesn’t have to be just words. Sometimes it can be a nice dinner out together.”

“Are you telling me to take Janus out on a date?”

“What? No, of course not. Just sort of implying that maybe the two of you would be less awkward if you, you know, you got to spend time together and move past the awkward.”

Patton put his tea down on the table and gave Thomas a long hard look. Thomas blinked at him, an innocent smile pulling across his face. Patton leaned back in his seat and chewed on his lip.

“Pat,” Thomas continued in a less playful tone, “you still love him.”

“I know.”

“This is your chance. You’ve told me so many times how you wanted to go back to him, and now’s the only time you might get to do that. What are you waiting for?”

“I’m… scared, Thomas. It’s been sixteen years. What if he doesn’t love me like that anymore?” Patton fiddled with the silver chain necklace around his neck. “What if he doesn’t even want to anymore?”

“You’ll never find out if you don’t give him a chance.” Thomas drained his cup of tea and stood up. He pushed his chair under the table and watched Patton for a moment. “You do so much for people, Patton. Perhaps it’s time for you to be a little selfish and do what you want for a change.”

“And if he doesn’t want to get back together?”

“Then you just had a nice dinner date with someone you care about.” Thomas walked away. “It’s a win-win situation. Besides, now that Remus and Roman know about each other, they’re going to want to be together more often, so you’re going to have to talk to Janus about visiting and stuff.”

Patton sighed and took a bite of his scone. He couldn’t bring himself to swallow.

Thomas finished, “If not for yourself, at least do this for Roman and Remus. You owe them that much.”

Patton didn’t watch Thomas as he walked out of the kitchen. He scrubbed his hands underneath his glasses and let out another long sigh. For a moment, he sat in the silence of the ticking grandfather clock in the corner. 

It took five minutes for Patton to finally make up his mind and leave the dining room. He hurried up the stairs and headed down the hall to where he left Janus and Virgil. He knocked twice. No answer. He knocked again. Still no answer.

Steeling himself, Patton opened the door and peeked inside. He caught sight of Virgil still on the bed. However, he was curled into Janus’s side, his right hand grasped tight on Janus’s chest and legs pressed flush against Janus’s hip. Janus had an arm under Virgil's neck, and the other pressed against Virgil’s side. Janus had his nose buried in the top of Virgil's hair. The two of them slept soundly, not even aware of Patton’s presence. 

Patton couldn’t help the smile that slid across his face. He slowly closed the door and turned the knob closed as quietly as possible. He could ask Janus on a date after Janus was done cuddling his son.

* * *

Sometime that afternoon, Janus finally stirred from his nap. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and rolled flat onto his back. Virgil’s weight went with him. He stopped mid-stretch and craned his neck to get a look at Virgil's face. At least Virgil didn’t feel so warm anymore.

The numbness in Janus’s left arm woke him further. He twitched his fingers, and a static bolt rolled up his whole arm. Janus winced. He slowly slithered his hand out from under Virgil, flexed his hand open and closed to try and get some feeling back in them, and stood up from the bed. He checked his watch for the time. 

Had he really been sleeping for three hours?

Janus stretched his hands over his head once again, yawned, and headed toward the door. He looked down the hallway as he opened the door. Once nobody entered his line of sight, he slipped through the crack and closed the door gently behind him. 

He would’ve made it back to his room if he didn’t hear footsteps behind him.

Janus spun around on his heel as Patton entered the hall. The genuine smile that crossed Patton’s face as he realized Janus was awake set Janus’s heart into a fluttering mess.

“Oh, Janus! Did you have a nice nap?” Patton asked.

“As nice as I could,” Janus replied. He flexed the numbness in his hand again. 

Patton swallowed hard, and he asked, “Janus? Can I ask you something?”

“No,” Janus responded. He watched Patton stiffen, and he quickly added, “but if you must, go ahead.”

“Well, I was just thinking, you’re probably starving from not eating much all day, and there’s this quiet little cafe in town I’ve been dying to try, so I was wondering…”

Janus’s heart rate quickened. “Yes?”

“Well, I was wondering if you’d like to go,” Patton said. He looked up over the top of his glasses.

Janus opened his mouth to respond, but his stomach growling obnoxiously answered for him. He closed his mouth as embarrassment burned his cheeks.

Patton laughed, and he said, “I guess you can stomach the idea.”

“I mean, I have nothing better to do,” Janus said as he examined his nails. “The boys will probably tag along, so-”

“Oh, uh, I was hoping that it could be just the two fo us.”

Janus blinked at him, and a sincere smile pressed Patton’s cheeks into his eyes. Janus took a calming breath before he whispered, “Oh.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. It was just a thought-”

“Yes.”

“Wait, really?”

“Like I said, I have nothing better to do.”

For a moment, all they did was watch the other’s every move. Eventually, Patton patted his thighs with his hands and said, “Okay, yeah, great! I’ll, uh, see you in an hour?”

“I suppose so.”

Patton nodded his head with a smile. He turned on his heel and headed in the other direction toward what Janus assumed was his room. However, as he turned the corner, he knocked twice on a door with a swirly “r” on it.

“Come in,” the twins said in unison.

Patton opened the door and spied the two boys on the bed. They both had a rat in their hand, and Patton held the shriek of surprise in his throat.

“Hey Dad,” they said once again.

“I know you’re not telling me who is who,” Patton said, “but I need your help. I’m, uh, I invited Janus to a cafe down the street and I don’t know what to wear, and I could really use a second opinion.”

The boys shared a look before they broke into a devilish grin. The twin on the left nodded his head as he jumped off the bed and headed toward Patton.

“Say no more,” the twin said. He followed Patton out of the room and flashed a thumbs up to his brother as he closed the door behind him.

Patton and the chosen twin walked down the hallway side by side until they stopped at Patton’s master bedroom. Patton opened the door and walked inside. He waited for his son to enter before he closed the door behind him.

“Okay, let me see what you had in mind,” the twin said.

Patton walked to his closet and opened the sliding glass door. He moved his clothes to the side and pulled out a white shirt and black slacks. His brow rose in question. 

The twin hummed then squeezed himself between Patton and the closet. He thumbed through the clothes before he settled on his target. A small “aha” followed him pulling out a black dress shirt with large red roses on it, a white sweater, and tan pants.

“Black?” Patton said as he rose a brow.

“Of course! You can’t go wrong with black. Plus, it’s been proven that people are more attractive when they wear black. Ask Logan.”

Patton’s cheeks flushed, and he said, “Oh, okay. If you’re sure.” 

“Strip down and get dressed. I want to see what you look like in it before I make my final decision.”

Patton did as he was told. The twin turned around to give him some privacy, and Patton wiggled into his new clothes. He just finished buttoning it when the twin turned around.

“No, leave the top two open,” the twin said as he gently grabbed Patton’s wrists. Patton rose a brow. The twin added, “Trust me. It’s going to drive him mad.”

Patton’s cheeks flushed a bit, and he chewed on his lip. He picked up the sweater and wrapped it around his shoulders, positioning the sleeves so they covered the front.

“No, don’t be shy. You’re hot, Dad. Show off a bit.” The twin caught sight of something silver glinting on Patton’s neck. He blinked. The silver chain, unfortunately, dipped down underneath the black shirt, so he couldn’t see what was hanging on the bottom of it.

“Roman,” Patton paused, “or Remus, are you really sure about this?”

“Positive,” he replied, “You look dashing.”

Patton couldn’t help but smile at that. He let a long sigh leave his lips, and he observed himself in the mirror. His son smiled back at him, and he put a hand on the twin’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Hey, what are sons for? So, when’s your date?”

“Janus and I are meeting in an hour.”

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know if you heard, but a cafe opened up about five minutes from here that is supposed to have excellent food, called Maddison.”

The twin sucked in a deep breath before they said, “Never heard of it, sorry.”

Patton nodded his head and grabbed some of his body spray from his dresser. He sprayed both sides of his neck before placing the bottle down.

“Vanilla again?” the twin said. “Are you sure?”

Patton’s smile softened as he spoke. “Back when Janus and I were dating in college, I used to spray this on my neck just to get his nose in my collar. He loves the smell.”

“Whoa, Dad, scandalous!” He wrinkled his nose. “I don’t know if I’m comfortable thinking of my dad seducing people into smelling his neck.”

“You don’t have to, kiddo,” Patton said. He walked over to his door and opened it. “That’s really all I needed you for. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Of course. I want to know all the juicy details when you get back.” The twin reached up and popped a quick kiss on Patton’s cheek. “Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too,” Patton said. He waited until the twin left the room before he closed the door. Patton took one last look in the mirror. He swallowed hard and buttoned the last two buttons on his shirt, sealing whatever was on the necklace inside.

The last thing Patton wanted Janus to see was he still wore it after all these years.

* * *

The hour passed by slowly. Patton paced back and forth by the front door. He chewed on his lip, surely turning the pink skin into a deep red by now. Thomas watched his brother pace back and forth, and he almost spoke up to ease Patton’s worries a few times, but everything he said died down on his lips.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs caught both of their attention. Janus took one step at a time. His hat was gone, and his hair was slicked back. Just like Patton, he wore a black shirt that had the top two buttons unbuttoned. It tucked itself into his black pants and was secured by a black belt bearing a golden buckle.

Janus stepped off the last stair and caught Patton’s eyes. For a moment, all the two of them could do was stare at each other. 

“Well, you look handsome,” Janus spoke up.

“You too,” Patton said. He glanced at Thomas out of the corner of his eye, who opened the front door without a word. Patton chewed on his lip before he continued, “I hope you don’t mind that it’s just the two of us going. Thomas said he’s going to ring up the pizza shop Roman loves.”

“I’m sure they’d enjoy it more than going to some boring cafe with their two old men,” Janus replied.

“Hah, yeah.” Patton patted his legs. “Well, we should probably get going.”

“Of course.”

Thomas addressed Patton, “Now, you have him back by ten tonight.”

Janus wrinkled his nose, and Patton let out a small giggle. Thomas sent a smile back to Patton. Janus walked out the door first, and Patton followed close behind. Janus opened the car door closest to them and held it open. Patton thanked him. Janus waited until Patton was seated, closed the door, and rounded the car to the other side.

After securing their seatbelts, the car started its journey toward the quiet cafe.

Janus took a deep breath in through his nose. He paused. He sniffed the air a few times before he said out loud, “You’re wearing the vanilla spray.”

“I am,” Patton said. “It’s not too much, is it?”

“Only if you want the whole town to think you’re sweet.” Janus paused. “That was not supposed to sound so flirty.”

“If you say so,” Patton said. He looked out the window and smiled. He took a deep breath and said, “You remember when I accidentally spilled the whole bottle on your favorite jacket?”

“Accidentally.”

“I swear I did.”

“It smelled like the Pillsbury dough boy’s farts for a month.”

“I didn’t think it smelled that bad. Besides, I remember you wearing that sweater around a lot after it happened, so you didn’t think so either.”

“Like you said, it was my favorite sweater.” Janus paused. “And it may have reminded me of you at the time.”

The conversation dulled after that. Soon, the car stopped at the small cafe, and the two got out of the car. Patton held the front door open for Janus, who thanked him for his chivalry. Patton grinned as he followed Janus inside.

The shop itself was nothing special. The small rumble of patrons talking at once accompanied the alluring smell of food in just the right way. The walls were painted a solid white color. Paintings done by budding artists lined the wall along with their price tags. Patton and Janus chose a seat by the window, and a hostess gave them both menus. After going over a few of their prime offerings, they took Patton and Janus’s drink order, Patton getting a cup of tea while Janus ordered a cup of black coffee.

“So,” Patton said as he swirled the sugar in his tea, “you still like it black?”

“As my soul.”

Patton wrinkled his nose. “I could never get past how bitter coffee tasted.”

“Like your tea isn’t bitter. I saw you adding those three spoonfuls of sugar.”

“I have to stay sweet for you, don’t I?”

The question caused Janus to not so subtly choke on his coffee. Patton smirked as Janus tried to brush it off as a sneeze. He held his coughing fit in, choosing to slowly die on his side of the table instead of coughing aloud. A few people turned to gawk at the situation, but Janus paid them no mind.

Finally, Janus cleared his throat enough to speak, and said, “How generous of you.”

Patton leaned on the table, his elbow holding up the hand cradling his right cheek. His vacant left hand played with the teaspoon in his fingers. He opened his mouth to speak, but a voice clearing their throat next to him stole his attention.

“Sorry to interrupt,” a young woman, maybe in her early twenties said, “but I have to ask. Would you happen to be Patton Coeur?”

“I am,” Patton said with a bright smile.

The girl let out a long sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness. You see, I’m getting married to my girlfriend next October, and I’m trying to find a place that will, you know, let us both get dresses there.”

“Of course,” Patton said with a smile. He grabbed a napkin and pulled a pen from his pocket. “I don’t have my assistant with me right now to schedule an appointment, but if you call this number, we’ll do our best to help you out.”

“Oh, thank you so much,” she said with a sigh of relief. Her eyes passed between the two gentlemen, and she said, “Sorry to interrupt your date.”

“Oh, we’re not-”

“It’s not a date.”

Patton and Janus exchanged expressions with each other. The girl giggled before she excused herself with one last word of thanks. An awkward silence settled between the two gentlemen. Patton stared at his tea as he swirled his spoon around.

“So, how’s the wedding business?” Janus asked. “I’m sure working with all those entitled brides is not grating on your nerves whatsoever.”

“Oh, it’s not,” Patton said. “I mean, sure, some get a tad rude, but it’s all worth it when I see someone get the perfect dress and realize just how beautiful they are.”

Janus nodded his head, not quite in understanding, and took a sip of his coffee. He mulled over his next thought before he asked, “Did you ever think about opening a shop in California?”

“Well,” Patton hesitated. “The shop in New York does pretty well, and I could probably expand to another shop. I never thought of California, but it would make sense so brides don’t have to cross the entire country to get one of my dresses.”

“Well, if you ever need a place to stay to smoke out the perfect location, make sure to call.”

Patton blinked and said, “Are you inviting me to your house?”

“Oh of course not. Merely repaying the same hospitality you’ve shown me since I arrived.”

Patton’s smile answered him, and he nodded his head. He hid his blush behind his teacup and took a deep breath. “Maybe I’ll look into a third shop in the future, especially since Roman and Remus are going to want to see each other more now.”

Janus hummed. “What are we going to do with the two of them?”

“Well, Roman can always visit when Roman’s school has summer holiday.”

“And since you don’t get much snow here, Remus could fly over for winter break for a week or two.”

Patton slouched in his seat. “How are we going to get them to tell us who is who? As much as I do love Remus, I would rather have my Roman back.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Janus paused, “but with Remus instead of Roman.”

“I think- you think they’re trying to get us back together?”

“Oh, I know they’re trying to get us back together. Roman told me his whole plan to switch places at the summer camp as soon as they realized what happened and everything.”

Patton let out a long sigh. “Figures. Roman’s been trying to set me up with random strangers in the park for years now.”

“Well, did you ever date any of them?”

“One or two,” Patton said. Janus bit back the jealous comment. Patton continued, “They all went horribly though. What about you?”

Janus hesitated before he responded, “I may have started dating someone a while back.”

“Oh.”

The hostess returned to their table and laid their food and the conversation to rest. If Patton had any further questions, he didn’t ask. The two gentlemen finished the rest of their supper in mostly silence. As Janus finished up the last bit of his sandwich, Patton’s phone rang in his pocket. He excused himself before picking it up.

“Hello?” Patton said. His smile slowly started to slip away, and he hung up the phone. Patton placed it face down on the table.

Janus’s eyebrow raised, and he asked, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.”

Janus noticed the twitch in Patton’s smile, and he sighed loudly through his nose. “Patton, do you remember my ability to tell when someone’s lying to me?”

“It’s nothing, really.”

“Doesn't look like nothing.”

“Well,” Patton paused. “It’s just someone from Sigmund and Freud who keeps calling to get me to partner with my father's company. Nothing too serious. It happens about once a week.”

“Why haven’t you blocked the number?”

“Well, I tried, but they keep getting new phones to call me.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“That’s my father for you. He doesn’t take the answer ‘no’ well. Never has.” 

Janus hummed. “And you never once thought about saying yes just to get him off your back?"

"No."

"Well, why not?" 

"Because then I lost everything for nothing."

Janus’s eyes widened. Patton gasped, and he snapped his jaw closed with an audible click. He bit his lip so hard he was sure it would bleed.

And all Janus could think to reply with was, “Oh.”

For the next half hour, the two ate in total silence. Even the car ride home was quiet. Janus looked over to start the conversation up again several times, but every time he looked at Patton, an overwhelming feeling of sadness swallowed him. 

The sun barely peeked over the tops of the trees as it gave way for the night sky. The car pulled into the driveway, but neither of the two moved to leave the car first.

“That was nice,” Patton said and broke the silence at last. “Thanks for going with me.”

“I had nothing better to do,” Janus replied with a shrug. “And it wasn’t awful, so I guess I had a good time as well.”

Patton nodded his head. He opened his car door, and Janus did the same. The two entered the house without so much as another word to each other. Patton stopped in the doorway and watched Janus disappear up the stairs and head toward Virgil’s room. He let out a long sigh as he leaned against the doorway.

“So,” a voice from the other side of the room said. Patton closed his eyes as Thomas continued, “how’d it go?”

“Oh, it was something,” Patton said with a light laugh. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a long sigh.

“Did you two at least find closure?”

“I don’t know,” Patton paused. “I’m kind of knackered. Think I’ll turn in for the night.”

Patton hurried up the stairs before Thomas could even wish him a good night. He closed his bedroom door with his back and stood there for what felt like an eternity. Patton slowly walked to his bed and flopped belly first onto it. He grabbed a pillow with both arms and squeezed it under his head. 

What on earth was he supposed to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mandatory rest stop if you're reading the whole way through! Grab a glass of water, stretch, or simply rest your eyes for a minute. You've earned it!


	11. A Fluffy Transition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 4,979  
> Chapter Warnings: mentions of being previously sick, panic attacks, character being triggered, transphobic parents, mentions of being abused, implied suicide attempt, eating, food discussions, I have a green thumb so some plant info might be wrong

Virgil blinked as he woke up at six am sharp. He never woke up that early in his life, and here he was ready to spring out of bed like it was a habit. He wasn’t about to argue. The deathmatch his digestive system had with him yesterday finally subsided, and he didn’t feel like he was going to need a tombstone anytime soon, which was a win in his book.

Virgil stretched his arms over his head, sending his back into a symphony of pops. He let out a sigh as the stretch sent warm tingles through his body. Nothing was better than a good stretch. Swinging his feet over the side of the bed, Virgil hoped he could actually walk to the bathroom without making a mess for once since he got here.

A knock sounded at the door, and Virgil blinked. Who the hell else was up at this hour?

“What?” he called out.

A voice called through, “Oh, you’re awake. I was wondering if you are feeling any better this morning.”

Virgil rose a brow. The voice belonged to Patton’s assistant (at least, Virgil guessed that’s who it was). He replied, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Ah, good. I was wondering if you were in the mood for breakfast.”

Virgil shrugged, then remembered whoever it was couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I guess that’d be fine. I’ll be down as soon as I get dressed.”

“Excellent,” a pause, “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Virgil furrowed his brow and snorted. What was that all about? He didn’t dwell on it for long. He spied his binder sitting on the chair, and he sighed. He probably shouldn’t wear it after being so sick yesterday. So, Virgil slipped into a black t-shirt and ripped jeans, throwing a hoodie over his chest for good measure. Why the Brits didn’t have air conditioning, he’d never know, but he would rather die of heatstroke than out himself to total strangers. 

For a moment, Virgil contemplated going to see Remus. Last he knew, Roman and Remus had switched places, and he wondered how well that was going for them. Too bad he didn’t know which way their room was.

Virgil navigated the halls until he found the stairway. The house was small compared to his dad’s mansion in California, so he shouldn’t have gotten lost as easily as he did. No one saw him, so it never happened as far as he was concerned.

The smell of eggs and sausage floated through the air as Virgil landed on the ground floor. He turned toward the kitchen and stood in the doorway. He watched as Patton and Thomas, who Virgil only knew because he kept checking up on him yesterday, moved around the kitchen like a well-oiled machine.

As Thomas turned to the table with a plate of sausage in hand, he linked eyes with Virgil and smiled. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” he said as he put the plate down. “Breakfast will be ready in about five minutes, but you’re welcome to wait here.”

Virgil hummed. He flopped down in one of the chairs and pulled out his phone. It took a minute for the wifi to pick up a signal, but eventually, he got to his inbox. Why was the internet here so slow? 

“Do you drink milk in your tea or just sugar?” Patton asked as he set a teapot down on the table. 

Virgil rose a brow. “I really don’t drink tea.”

“Oh,” Patton paused. “Would you like to try some? I have English breakfast and green this morning.”

Virgil shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

Patton smiled and set a second teapot down on the table. Virgil noted one of them was white with green frogs on it, while the other one had black cats in various positions painted on the yellow porcelain. Patton pointed to them and told Virgil which one held which tea, and he set an actual honeycomb down on the table, along with soy milk, cream, and sugar.

“Feel free to pour a cup while we wait for everyone else,” Patton said. “I don’t think Roman will be down for another fifteen minutes.”

Virgil wrinkled his nose. He stared at the tea in front of him, not really sure which one to pick. The sound of footsteps down the stairs turned Virgil’s attention to the doorway, and he watched as the boy with the blue tie who he was sure was Patton’s assistant stepped into the room.

“Everyone has been awakened and informed that breakfast is ready,” he said.

“Thanks, Logan,” Patton said over his shoulder.

Virgil caught Logan’s eye. His heart jumped, and he turned around in his seat. Reaching out for the yellow teapot, he poured some tea into his cup and watched it swirl around. The color was as black as his coffee back home. He put the pot back and grabbed his spoon. Did he stir it? Should he taste it first to find out if it needs something else? Would he even know what else to put into it to change the flavor in the right way? Would they laugh at him for it? They probably would, and he wouldn’t even know it. Of course the dumb American wouldn’t know how to make a simple cup of tea the right way.

Virgil’s chest started rising and falling before he even noticed. He pushed the teacup away and stood up.

“Virgil, are you okay?” Patton asked.

“Yeah, I’m,” Virgil paused, “I’m just going to get some fresh air outside.”

“It’s raining,” Patton warned.

“That’s fine,” Virgil said. He pushed his chair back, the shoes squeaking on the tile floor, and somehow made it to the front door. Virgil opened it, closed it, and took deep breaths.

It was just a cup of tea. How the heck did he have a stupid panic attack over a cup of tea?

Virgil sat down heavily on the porch step, letting the rain soak into his hair and hoodie. The whole landscape held an eerie white mist, and for a moment, Virgil noted it looked like something out of a horror movie. He could barely see the trees leading down the pathway to the main road.

Virgil closed his eyes and started his breathing exercises. The rain helped him keep the beat. Eventually, Virgil felt the coil in his chest start to unwind, and breathing got a bit easier. The muscles in his shoulders relaxed, and he sat back on his hands. Virgil’s legs spread, one falling beside him and the other wiggling back and forth like a flag in the breeze. 

The door opened behind him, but Virgil let his eyes stay closed. Whoever it was, they didn’t move from the doorway. What, were they afraid to get wet? Virgil snuffed at the idea. He blinked his eyes open and let them adjust to the light a bit before he turned around.

He fully expected to see his pop checking on him, but it was Logan. Virgil’s stomach backflipped again. 

“Are you alright?” Logan asked. 

“Yeah,” Virgil said and sighed. “Just needed some fresh air.”

“If it wasn’t for the rain, I would open a window for you.”

“It’s fine. Really. I just… I think I’ll skip breakfast.”

“As much as it isn’t my place, I must advise against the idea, Virgil. Breakfast is one of the most important meals of the day. It’s responsible for starting your metabolism and triggering the necessary energy to focus on various topics in your day to day life. Plus, blood sugar levels are-”

“Geez, I didn’t ask for like a history of breakfast,” Virgil mumbled.

Logan’s words faded to a stop. He looked down at his feet and said, “Of course. I apologize.”

“For what? You got excited about breakfast. It’s fine.” Logan didn’t respond, and Virgil felt a new panic rise in his chest. He added, “I’m not like, mad at you for going off on a tangent or anything. Just not interested.”

“It’s alright, Virgil. I,” Logan paused, “I’ll leave you to your fresh air.”

“No!” 

The outburst made Logan flinch and Virgil freeze. Logan blinked a few times, his eyes once again meeting with Virgil’s own. Virgil looked down at the ground and gnawed on his lip. He turned back to the rain, brought his knees up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around his legs.

“I mean,” Virgil clarified, “that it’s okay if you want to be here. Do what you want. I don’t care.”

The door slammed, and Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin. He took deep breaths to calm his pounding heart. Well, when he said do what you want, he guessed that did mean anything, including slamming a door. 

A few seconds later, the door opened again.

“Patton, wait-”

The door closed off Thomas’s voice. Virgil froze. He tried to get himself to breathe, but he couldn’t seem to make his lungs work. Footsteps led to Patton sitting beside him on the step. Patton’s shoulders were stiff, and a polite smile, one that would surely break the second Patton wanted it to, faced Virgil. 

“Hey, kiddo,” Patton started.

“Don’t,” Virgil snapped. He watched Patton’s smile slip away. Good. “Don’t patronize me. I’m a legal adult.”

“Okay,” Patton sighed. The tension in his shoulders disappeared a bit, and a deep frown and intense stare replaced the forced joy. Was it too late to say Virgil wanted the forced softness back?

“What?” Virgil asked.

“Well,” Patton sighed. “I want to know what happened.”

“I needed some fresh air. No big deal.”

“No, I mean between you and Logan.”

Virgil’s breath hitched. He forced himself to breathe and responded, “Nothing. I was talking to him, and then I told him he could do what he wants. Then he slammed the door and left like he wanted.”

Patton clicked his tongue and sighed. He shook his head. Virgil watched Patton squeeze his fingers together like he held onto a secret he desperately wanted to tell, and Patton brought them to his lips.

The door opened once again. Both Virgil and Patton turned to catch sight of Thomas in the doorway. Thomas’s eyes passed between Virgil and Patton, and he let out a sigh of relief.

“It’s fine, Thomas,” Patton said and put on that fake smile once again. “I’m sure it was just an accident.”

“What was?” Virgil asked.

Thomas nodded his head and sent a genuine smile. He said, “Well then, breakfast is getting cold. I’m going to go talk to Logan.”

“If you need anything, let me know.”

“What’s going on?” Virgil asked.

Thomas closed the door, leaving the two of them to the silence of the rain. Patton put his hands on his knees to stand up, but Virgil reached out and grabbed his shirt sleeve. Virgil’s stare froze Patton solid.

“What did I do?” Virgil asked.

“Nothing,” Patton lied. He thought better of it and instead responded, “Nothing on purpose.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Patton paused, “Logan is just… he’s dealing with some things, and there are certain phrases that just… well, they… sometimes he has a bad reaction when-”

“I triggered him,” Virgil said bluntly.

“You could say that, yes.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not me you need to apologize to, ki- Virgil. I know you didn’t mean it. You didn’t know.”

“Not even here a day and I’ve already screwed everything up.”

“Now, Virgil, you made a mistake. It’s okay. Now you know, uh, when you’re talking to Logan, you have to be very straightforward with him.”

“I was straightforward with him. I didn’t say anything I didn’t mean.”

“Well, what did you say?” 

“I said that I didn’t want an info dump on breakfast, and he said he was going to leave. Then I told him no, I didn’t want him to, but he could do what he wanted. I didn’t care.”

“Oh,” Patton weakly laughed. “That’ll do it.”

“What will?”

Patton bit his lip. “I don’t feel comfortable telling you why without Logan’s consent, but if you talk to him, he might tell you about it.”

“Yeah, I,” Virgil paused, “Yeah, I guess I should apologize anyway.”

Patton lifted his hand to pat Virgil on the back, and Virgil flinched at the touch. Virgil stood up and shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets. He took two steps back.

“So, thanks I guess,” Virgil mumbled as he opened the door. He caught Patton turn to him with an expression Virgil didn’t see on the more cheerful man before. Warning. Patton sent a clear picture that if Virgil did anything to hurt Logan, he’d regret it.

No pressure.

His feet squeaked on the floor as he turned around. It wasn’t until he climbed the stairs that he realized he had no clue where Logan’s room was. Virgil tried the left hall first. The house wasn’t too big, so he couldn’t get too lost, right? 

As he walked by one of the doors, he heard singing from the other side. Virgil stopped. That was the bathroom, he knew that. Slowly, Virgil raised his hand and knocked twice on the door.

“Taken,” Roman’s (or Remus’s) voice sang.

“Hey, uh,” Virgil paused, “do you know where Logan’s room is?”

“You’ll have to go up the crawlspace to the attic,” Remus’s (or Roman’s) voice responded. 

“The fu- all this space and he lives in the attic?”

“Yes. Patton offered him the bedroom you're in, but Logan liked the one up in the attic better. You’ll see why when you get up there.”

Virgil furrowed his brow.

“It’s a little farther down the hallway. Turn the corner. You won’t miss it.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Virgil mumbled back. He continued down the hall.

At the end of the hall was a set of stairs leading above the ceiling. Virgil swallowed thickly and walked up to them. The door at the end had a white coat of paint on it, looking freshly painted. Virgil counted the steps as he walked up. As he stepped on the twenty-fifth step, he paused and wondered if maybe he shouldn’t bother Logan at all.

The door opened, startling him and almost making him fall back down the stairs. Thomas’s gentle face smiled at him, and he stepped to the side.

Thomas whispered. “He’s calmed down now, so you should be okay to go in.”

“Thanks,” Virgil mumbled.

Thomas sidestepped until he squeezed past on the stairs and left Virgil alone. Virgil took a deep breath and steeled himself for whatever was up there.

Showtime.

As Virgil rounded the first step, the first thing he noticed was the walls were painted solid black. Glow in the dark stars lined the ceiling and walls, and the floor had a ridiculously squishy white rug. If he examined the walls further, he could see paintings of the galaxy, the planets, and several star constellations. The most impressive part, however, was the large windowed doors that led to what Virgil assumed to be a small greenhouse because there were plants galore inside. 

“Oh,” came a soft voice from the corner.

Virgil turned to catch Logan on his bed. Logan’s back pressed against his headboard, and he stroked something black on his stomach. It wasn’t until yellow eyes turned to face Virgil that he realized Logan had a black cat on his lap.

“Hello, Virgil,” Logan said as he blinked a few times. “Please close the door. I don’t want Salem getting out of my room.”

“Kay,” Virgil said as he closed the door. He stood by the doorway and squeezed the material inside his pockets. “Uh, whatever I said to you down there that made you so upset, I’m sorry.”

A look of panic crossed Logan’s face, but he pushed it back down rather quickly. He sighed and responded, “It’s quite alright. I don’t blame you for anything.”

“Could you,” Virgil paused. “What did I do wrong? I don’t want to like trigger you again by accident or something.”

Logan looked down at the cat in his lap. He adjusted his position so he sat up a little straighter on the bed. The cat rolled over and stretched, showing off its claws. Logan waited for the cat to reposition itself before he explained.

“I have a negative reaction to passive-aggressive speech. While I don’t believe it was your intention to be passive-aggressive, the phrasing you used was… it was often used against me to make me believe whatever happened to me afterward was my fault.”

“Christ, I’m sorry,” Virgil mumbled.

“As I said, I don’t blame you,” Logan repeated. He paused. “I’m not sure how much of my personal life you’d be willing to hear, so if your conscience has been satiated, you’re free to leave.”

“Did you just politely ask me to fuck off?” Virgil asked.

“No,” Logan rose a brow. “If I wanted you to fuck off, I would’ve told you directly.”

“Right,” Virgil shuffled his feet. “Well, uh, I mean, I don’t like opening up to total strangers, but you, uh, you look like you like to talk and explain things, so if you want to explain, I’ll listen.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, knock yourself out.”

“If I knocked myself out, it would defeat the purpose of me telling you anything.”

“Forget it. Just… tell me whatever you want.” Virgil watched the panic start to rise in Logan’s eyes again, and he quickly said, “I want to hear everything you want to tell me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, dude.”

Logan relaxed, and Virgil did as well. He watched Logan dig his fingers int his fluffy black cat’s fur and let out a long sigh.

“Well,” Logan explained, “I grew up in a household with a single mother and four other siblings. I was the eldest, and my mother placed a lot of responsibility on me to help my siblings get prepared for school, clean the house, keep things running smoothly, and step up where my father left off. Apparently, he divorced her and moved to the countryside without warning. I didn’t understand why at the time, but as I grew older, I realized it was because of my mother’s verbally and emotionally abusive ways.”

Virgil’s stomach dropped. His brain formulated where this conversation was going before Logan had the chance.

Logan continued, “Because the courts didn’t believe my mother was abusive toward us and painted my father as the villain, she was given full custody. She had me believing he was the reason all our misfortune happened for years. Eventually, as I failed to believe her, she shifted the blame from my father to me. It started out slow enough that I didn’t realize it was happening until years later, when I told her that I wanted to transition into a man.”

“Wait, hold up,” Virgil said as he held out his hands. “You’re trans?”

“I am,” Logan said and blinked. “Does that unnerve you?”

Virgil shook his head and chuckled. “You have no idea how cool that is.”

“What’s cool?”

“I’m trans too.”

Logan’s eyebrows rose to his hairline, and he looked over Virgil’s appearance. He hummed before he responded, “I suppose the hoodie is because you chose not to wear a binder today.”

“Yeah.”

“If you’re concerned about anyone in this house not taking your gender seriously, perish the thought. Patton, Thomas, and Roman have been nothing but helpful and supportive through my transition. In fact, if it wasn’t for their support, I don’t think I would be here today to have met you.”

A stone of worry settled in Virgil’s stomach, and his mirth disappeared. He studied Logan’s expression, and when it didn’t change, he gathered enough courage to ask, “Why?”

“Well,” Logan sighed, “because I was ready to end my life over not being able to transition in my old household.”

Virgil’s heart stopped. He read about the horrors trans teens went through, but thankfully, Janus allowed him to transition at his pace with nothing but encouragement. To have someone verbally validate that parents drove their child to suicide because of their gender identity hit him in the face harder than a baseball. 

Logan continued, “Thankfully, Patton happened to be taking a walk over the Clifton Bridge the day I chose to end it all. He could’ve turned me in to a mental institution, but after listening to my story, he chose to take me in and give my life a new purpose himself. I could never repay what he’s done for me.”

Virgil stayed quiet at that. He looked down at his feet and leaned against the doorway. After the pause between them moved to awkward territory, Virgil finally found his voice and said, “Guess one good thing came from him leaving my pop.”

Logan looked up at that. The cat on his lap, Salem, gave a lengthy stretch once again and hopped off Logan’s lap. Logan brushed the cat hair off his shirt. 

“So, I guess you like space,” Virgil said as he looked around the room.

“On the contrary, this room was an art studio for Roman before I arrived,” Logan said. “He painted the walls himself.”

Virgil whistled. “Wow, he’s good.”

“He is indeed. Though, while I do find the space aesthetic calming, I’m much more into maintaining plants than I am space.”

Virgil’s eyes shifted over to the giant greenhouse outside of the room, and he hummed. “So, I’m guessing that was added after you arrived then?”

“It was. Patton was very insistent that I have a hobby to pass the time and make this place feel more like a sanctuary than a simple place of residence. Roman has offered to repaint my room to represent my love of plant life, but I have yet to take him up on the offer.”

Virgil nipped his lip before he said, “Can I see some of your plants?”

Logan’s eyebrows raised. He got off his bed, adjusted his shirt, and loosened his tie a small bit. After pausing, he said, “Of course, though I must warn you, I may go off on informational dumps that you might not care about.”

Virgil flinched at that. “Yeah, uh, don’t worry about that. Just tell me about your plants.”

“As you wish.”

“Wait, before we go in.” Virgil lifted the hoodie off his body and let it fall to the floor. He straightened out his shirt, trying his best not to look down. He watched Logan’s expression for any sort of reaction. Logan looked down at the sweatshirt and wrinkled his nose.

“Please fold that and put it on my bed,” he instructed. “I dislike any sort of clutter on my floor.”

Virgil nodded. He did as he was told and turned back to Logan. Logan gestured for Virgil to enter the greenhouse doors, and Virgil followed without another word.

* * *

Virgil’s stomach growled over Logan’s explanation for the fifth time. Logan paused, his fingers around the sunflower’s petals slipping away, and rose a brow in curiosity.

“Sorry,” Virgil mumbled.

“It’s quite alright, Virgil. I’ve been showing you my garden for the past hour, meaning we may have already missed breakfast. If you’re hungry, I could show you the strawberry plants I’ve yet to pick.”

“Sure,” Virgil said with a shrug. 

Logan led Virgil through the rows of flowers until he stopped at leafy green plants barely above the surface of the soil. Hanging from the bottom were green strawberries. Logan picked one off and presented it to Virgil. He picked one for himself as well and monitored Virgil’s reaction.

Virgil took the smallest bite. The strawberry tasted nothing like the ones he got back home. Its flavor overstimulated his tastebuds. He couldn’t believe how sweet it was.

“Wow,” Virgil said as he took another bite. 

Logan’s lips quirked into a smile, and he took his own bite. He asked, “I’m assuming that’s the first time you’ve had a strawberry picked fresh from a garden.”

Virgil nodded his head. “It’s great.”

“The key to picking a good strawberry is to make sure it’s ripe enough to eat the moment they’ve been picked, as they will not continue to ripen after they’re separated from the stem.”

Virgil hummed. He finished off the strawberry and scanned the row for any more that Logan might let him try. Logan cleared his throat, stealing Virgil’s attention once again.

“If I may, I’d like to introduce you to my favorite berry,” Logan said.

Virgil nodded. He followed Logan to a series of vines well above his head. The berries hung down from the rafters and were a red, almost purple shade.

“This,” Logan explained, “is a plant that was accidentally created when horticulturalist James Harvey Logan was trying to create a new format of blackberry. Instead of an agricultural success, he ended up mixing his red Antwerp raspberries and his Aughinburg blackberries, and its results became a new form of plant he humbly named a loganberry.”

Virgil snorted. “And let me guess, you got your name from these berries?”

“You’d be correct, though I like the name Logan on its own. It’s a difficult berry to grow correctly, as they are sensitive to the cold, droughts, and sunlight. They also produce long canes that will grow up to six meters long if not pruned regularly.”

“So, which ones should I eat?” 

“The ripest loganberries are the ones turning a shade of purple, though I must warn you, it’s unwise to pick them without a glove. Much like its family, they grow on thorn-covered canes that could easily prick you if handled incorrectly.” 

Logan slipped on a thick glove and reached into the plant. He pulled out a rather dark looking berry and handed it to Virgil. Virgil examined the small berry before he took a bite. Its sweetness overpowered the strawberry residue in his mouth.

“They make the best jams,” Logan commented as he popped one in his mouth as well. “They taste delicious on crumpets.”

“I’m gonna pretend I know what a crumpet is and take your word for it,” Virgil said.

“I could show you,” Logan offered.

Virgil nodded his head. The pair made their way out of the greenhouse and headed toward the stairs. Virgil spied his hoodie on the bed. He thought for a moment about grabbing it, but the braver half of it won out. He followed Logan to the kitchen, where Patton and Janus seemed to be finishing up breakfast.

“There you are,” Patton greeted. “I was starting to get worried.”

“Logan was showing me his garden,” Virgil said. He took a seat next to Janus.

Patton smiled at Logan, who took his seat at the table. He informed, “Logan grew most of the jams in my house himself.”

“Really?” Janus said as he rose a brow. He rose a cup of tea to his lips and took a sip.

Logan nodded his head. He reached forward and held out a round pastry to Virgil. “This is a crumpet.”

“Oh, you mean an English muffin,” Virgil said.

Logan’s confused face made both Patton and Janus chuckle. He looked between the two adults, who were not keen on explaining what was so funny, and allowed Virgil to take the breakfast treat from his hand. Reaching forward once again, he grabbed the jar of loganberry jam and handed it off to Virgil as well.

“Glad to see you’re eating breakfast,” Patton commented as he washed the dishes in the sink. He placed them on the rack without rinsing off the suds and dried his hands on a towel. “Logan, I know you canceled all my appointments for today, but I’m going to run down to the shop and see if Cassie needs any help, or at least tell her what’s going on.”

“Of course,” Logan said. He poured himself a cup of green tea and drank it without any additions. 

“So, what are you going to do on your day off?”

Logan looked up at that. He blinked twice before he responded. “I haven’t the faintest idea.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll figure out something to pass the time,” Patton said. He moved out of the kitchen and headed to the front door. After slipping on his shoes, he said, “I’ll see you all in a few hours.”

Janus excused himself from the table as well, ruffling Virgil’s hair as he left. Virgil smoothed it back into place and scowled at Janus, who didn’t seem to notice.

Suddenly, he became painfully aware that he and Logan were the only two left in the room. Logan continued to eat his food without any fuss. Virgil looked down at his breakfast and sighed through his nose.

“So,” Virgil started, “I’ve never been to the UK you know.”

“Oh?” Logan said as he brought his tea to his lips.

“Yeah.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“So, uh, would you like to show me some stuff?”

Logan looked over at Virgil with a questioning brow.

“Not as like a date or anything, but like, you know, two guys out for a good time to see stuff and… yeah.”

“I suppose I could,” Logan replied. 

Virgil squished the excitement in his chest as he said, “Okay, yeah, great. That’s, uh, I’ll go get something better to wear.”

Without finishing his food, Virgil jumped out of his chair and headed to his bedroom. Once his door was closed, he buried his hot face into his clammy hands and took a deep breath. Now was not the time to be getting a crush on someone, especially when they lived thousands of miles away. Still, the temptation to hold Logan’s hands as they saw the sights or lean in close as they observed the gardens or lose himself staring in Logan’s eyes while Logan info dumped about everything was strong.

After all, talking to a cute boy on vacation never went anywhere before, so why would Logan be any different?


	12. It Should've Been a Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,723  
> Chapter Warnings: fingernail biting, eating, food discussions, crying, being deadnamed, victim blaming

Before they knew it, the week-long stay at Patton’s house was coming to an end.

Patton and Janus’s relationship, while strained at certain points, slowly eased into two long lost friends speaking to one another once again. The two of them would sometimes enjoy quiet moments together, such as reading in the same room or having casual conversations over meals.

Roman and Remus still hadn’t let on to which twin was which, and neither of them showed any signs of giving in to their parent’s lack of love confession. However, they realized whether they liked it or not, by tomorrow morning, one of them was going home with Janus, whether Janus and Patton made up or not.

Surprisingly, however, Logan and Virgil grew closer than any of them expected. They would disappear for hours into Logan’s room, and no one saw them unless it was time for meals. Roman and Remus were at least pleased their adventure sparked one romance, even if it wasn’t the one they wanted.

Roman paced back and forth in his room, and Remus chewed on his fingernails as he watched from Roman’s bed.

“What are we going to do?” Roman asked. “They might be friends again, but they’re not even showing any interest in each other romantically.”

“At this rate, I’m going to have an evil stepmother,” Remus mumbled.

“I will not stand for it!” Roman said as he stomped his foot. “There has to be some way to get Dad and Pop together by sunset.”

“Too bad we don’t have a boat for them to have a romantic candlelit dinner on,” Remus joked.

Roman paused. He stroked his chin and thought. The room settled into silence, except for the small click of Remus’s teeth taping together as he chewed through his fingernail.

Roman snapped his fingers. “That’s it!”

“What’s it?”

“There’s a fancy seafood restaurant dad’s been wanting to try for years now,” Roman said. “It’s supposed to be modeled after a docked boat, and it’s rather expensive, but I heard the food is divine.”

Remus hummed. “Good thing pop likes seafood. Maybe we can convince them to go out for our last day here, and in return, we’ll tell them who is who, you know, to sweeten the deal.”

“Then, at the last minute, we make it a dinner date for two, and they have to talk to each other. It’s brilliant.”

“It’s just crazy enough to work,” Remus said. “And if it doesn’t, at least we died with our boots on.”

“I don’t wear boots.”

“Nevermind. Anyway, do we need to make reservations for it or-”

“Probably. I’ll look up the phone number online.”

“Great! I’ll break the news to Pop and Patton about- gosh if this works I’ll get to call Patton dad.”

Roman sent a smile over his shoulder at Remus as he typed the restaurant’s name in the search engine. Remus left the room to find Janus and Patton, hoping that if they played their cards right, they’d win the jackpot of dads.

* * *

Janus and Patton walked side by side on the park’s pavement. While Janus’s hands nested inside his pants pockets, Patton’s hand swung freely at his side between him and Janus. A picnic basket hung in the other hand. Every once in awhile, they’d pass the odd couple on the street and give a silent nod of acknowledgment. Every once in awhile, they’d stop and marvel at the beautiful gardens with rows of native flowers.

Janus glanced at Patton out of the side of his eye as they walked. His hand itched to pop out of his pocket and stop Patton’s hand from swinging. However, he settled for speaking instead.

“So, you still like taking walks in the park, huh?”

Patton replied, “Of course. Where do you think I got my love of parks from? Certainly not New York.”

“I do have to admit, the gardens here are a lot more pretty than Central Park.”

“Wait until you see the sunset from the harbor tonight. I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share of sunsets in California, but the colors of the ocean hit different here.”

“I’m sure. I still can’t believe the boys reserved a restaurant in your name.”

“You can’t? Janus, they switched places on us and made you fly all the way out here to come to get your son.”

“Well, I suppose you’re right. They are more clever than I give them credit for. They definitely take after their pop.”

“I sure hope not.”

“Oh come now, Patton, I’m not all that bad.”

“Of course not. All I know is you’ve never been satisfied with anything that wasn’t exactly what you wanted, so if that’s true, they’ll never be satisfied unless it’s exactly what they want.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Oh, but you implied it.”

Patton stuck out his tongue and stopped at a spot underneath a shady tree. Carefully, he placed the basket on the ground. He pulled the blanket out of the picnic basket and spread it on the grass. Thankfully, since it was a weekday, not many families were currently taking advantage of the sunny day in the park, and the two of them wouldn’t have to worry about too much noise. Of course, the occasional family strolled by with their young children or even a dog, but for the most part, the park was peaceful.

Patton sat on the blanket and set the basket off to the side. Janus sat down across from him, his attention captured by the ducks swimming in the pond. For a moment, the two of them enjoyed the warm sunshine on their skin, the sound of birds in the trees, and the smell of fresh-cut grass under their picnic blanket.

“I can see why you moved back,” Janus commented. “This place is beautiful.”

Patton’s eyes glanced up at Janus for a moment before he pulled out two sandwiches. He placed them on a paper plate and passed one to Janus. He reached in again and pulled out two water bottles.

Janus continued, “So, as much as I enjoyed spending time at your house and leaving all of my responsibilities back home, do you think next time you’d get on a plane and fly to California? I mean, I know you’re so against flying that you’d get on a plane for 7 hours instead of working something out with me, but it’s only fair.”

Patton sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Oh come on now. I thought you were all about fair.” Janus opened his water bottle and took a sip. He monitored Patton’s reaction as he screwed the lid back on. “Besides, I missed the shade of pink you’d turn when you stayed out in the sun for an hour. It almost looked cute. I’ll never get the smell of aloe vera out of my nose from rubbing it on your back because I was the only one who had it.”

“Janus,” 

“Yes?” 

Patton sighed and took a bite of his sandwich. He swallowed thickly, and finally said, “Do you want to, you know, talk about what happened all that time ago, or are you going to keep passive-aggressively making me feel bad about it?”

“What gave you that idea?” Janus said as he took a bite of his sandwich.

Patton put his sandwich down on his plate, and he stared at the bread. Janus felt his smug smile slipping away, and his voice softened.

“Patton, at the cafe, you said you weren’t partnering with your father because it meant you lost everything for nothing. What did you mean by that?”

Patton’s eyes left his food to meet Janus’s own and peered over the frame of his glasses. He looked like a child caught in the middle of a lie begging for forgiveness. He opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it soon after.

“Patton,” Janus said, “whatever it is, I’m sure I can’t think any less of you.”

So, Patton came clean. He told Janus how his father gave him the ultimatum of leaving Janus or else he’d make Janus’s life a living hell. He talked about how the two of them would’ve lost Roman and Remus. He talked about how powerless he felt to stop it, and the only way he could think to protect Janus was to leave because he knew if he stayed, he and Janus would eventually lose anyway. 

He told Janus about the nights he laid in bed hating himself because he had no idea if he did the right thing or what the right thing to do even was. He talked about how he couldn’t bring himself to fly because it made him remember the day he left like a nightmare. He told Janus about the multiple letters apologizing that never felt sincere enough. He talked about opening the store in New York next to the coffee shop Janus worked in hoping to accidentally run into him. 

Eventually, Patton ran out of things to tell, and his voice blended in with the silence of the park around them. So did any snarky comebacks Janus had planned.

“I guess,” Patton finally said as he blinked tears out of his eyes. “I guess all I can really say now is I’m sorry. You don’t have to forgive me. But now… now at least you know why. Maybe now you’ll finally have closure, and if you still hate me for everything, I understand.”

Janus could only watch Patton’s shoulders relax like the weight of the world lifted off him. Suddenly the sandwich in front of him didn’t seem so appetizing. He placed it on the plate and let out a long sigh.

“You could’ve told me what you were going to do,” Janus said.

“You would’ve stopped me.”

“We could’ve separated and pretended we broke up while still being in contact with each other.”

“He would’ve found out. He always finds out.”

“Patton-”

“Bloody hell, Janus, don’t you get it?” Patton snapped. Janus blinked a few times, watching Patton pressed his glasses back up his nose. “There is no winning with him. You either do what he wants or he breaks you down until you do what he wants. If I even so much as made one slip up, he was going to hurt you. He was going to hurt you and Roman and Remus, and I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let you live like I have the past forty years. I couldn’t live with myself if anything bad happened to you because of me.”

Patton leaned down and clenched his hair in his hands. He rested his elbows on his knees. His breath came shallow and hitched every once and a while.

Janus watched as wet spots appeared on the blanket below them. Guilt welled up in his chest, and he sighed long and hard through his nose.

“Patton,” Janus started, “your biggest mistake was thinking you were alone in this.”

A broken laugh followed a sob, but whatever reply Patton had never made it past his lips.

Janus pushed the plates aside. He sat in the middle of the blanket, his knees pressing against Patton’s. If Patton minded, he didn’t pull away. Janus leaned down, peeking between Patton’s hair and trying to get a look at Patton’s face. Patton responded by pulling his arms closer together to shield his vulnerability.

“Patton,” Janus said, “out of all the men I’ve ever loved in my life, I wanted you the most. You and I both know I don’t get jealous, but every time I saw you with someone else, I hated how they treated you. You give so much kindness and never expect any in return. You sacrifice everything for the sake of others, even if it hurts them, because in the end, you know it’s the way they get hurt the least.”

Janus’s hands reached out and wrapped around Patton’s wrists. He gave a gentle tug, not hard enough to move Patton’s hands away from his face, but enough to ask Patton to do it himself. Patton let his fingers untangle from his hair, and he slowly looked back at Janus. Janus lowered their hands together, taking his fingers and wrapping them around Patton’s palms. He rubbed soothing circles over the lifelines of Patton’s hands.

“I’ll never understand why you chose someone like me,” Janus continued, “but I know without you in my life, everything has been empty. I wanted to hate you for so many years after what happened. Gosh, I tried. But every time I was alone, I still felt myself thinking of you and how much I wished things could’ve been different. How I wished I could go back in time and stop you from leaving.”

Patton’s wet eyes studied Janus’s face for any sort of a lie, and he sniffled.

Janus took the pause as a sign. He let go of Patton’s hand and reached into his pocket. His fingers wrapped around a silver chain and pulled the object from its prison. 

Patton’s eyes widened as they settled upon a small, golden key with a heart-shaped handle at the end of a silver necklace.

“You-”

“I do.”

“After everything?”

“It never left my side.”

Patton rubbed his wet eyes and laughed. He reached into his shirt with his free hand and pulled out the jewelry buried in his clothing. The silver necklace popped a golden heart-shaped locket out into the open, and it swung back and forth.

“Me too.”

Janus’s fingers cradled the heart floating above them. He studied the locket for a moment before his eyes popped back up to Patton’s face. “May I?”

“Please.”

Janus flipped the heart necklace until he saw the keyhole at the bottom. He stuck the key in, heard the click of the lock popping open, and pulled the locket open with his thumbs.

Inside, Patton and Janus’s twenty-year-old selves stared back at him. Well, if you counted the two of them locked together in a passionate kiss, that is. Engraved on the left side were the words ‘one love, one heart’ written on it.

For a while, all the two of them could do was stare down at the locket. Janus blinked his eyes a few times before he looked up. Patton looked up at the same time, and he took a deep breath.

“I forgot what it said,” Patton said with a smile.

Janus mirrored the smile to the best of his ability and nodded his head. “I didn’t.”

“You did so. Don’t lie.”

“Patton, are you accusing me of lying? The shame of it all. I would never.”

Patton’s genuine laughter made Janus’s heart skip a beat. In his sixteen years of Patton’s absence, not one person could make him feel the way he did now. If he jumped, he’d fly into the clouds. If he spoke, he’d break into song. If he leaned in a little closer-

Patton leaned in, and Janus pulled away. His breath hitched in his throat, and his shoulders stiffened. Patton noticed Janus’s reaction and backed away like he was burned.

“I,” Patton let out a harsh sigh. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“No, it’s not you,” Janus said, “Patton, I’m engaged.”

“Oh!” Patton’s eyes flew open. His rapid blinks slowed as he processed Janus’s words, and his dry throat refused to swallow the bile rising from his stomach. He almost whispered, “Oh.”

Janus rubbed his hand over his bare ring finger. “I know I’m not wearing my ring but… but I… I’m just not a ring person, you know?”

“I know,” Patton said with a small laugh. “So, uh, who’s the lucky person?”

“She’s-”

“What in heaven’s name? Janus? Is that you?”

Janus nearly jumped out of his skin. He squeezed his eyes shut before he slowly opened them and turned around.

“Charlotte,” Janus said in a more strained voice than he meant to. If anyone noticed, they didn’t call him out for it. “Sweetheart, what are you doing here? I thought you were applying for a job in France.”

“I was. I finished up, and I thought I’d swing by the UK to pick out a dress from...” Charlotte’s voice trailed off as she saw Patton sitting across from Janus. Her eyes widened. “Oh my- darling, do you know who you’re sitting with?”

Patton jumped up and straightened out his shirt. His voice almost squeaked as he said, “Oh, you’re the lovely woman who stopped by my shop a few days ago. Charlotte Webber, right?”

“Yes!” She clapped her hands together. “Oh my stars, Patton Coeur remembered my name. That’s something to brag to the girls back home about. Though, Janus, honeycomb, what brings you here? You’re not trying to get a sneak peek at your bride before the wedding, are you? You know that’s bad luck.”

“Oh, of course not,” Janus replied. He stood up as well. “I was simply trying to catch up with an old friend.”

“You two?” Charlotte looked between the two of them.

Patton smiled. “Could you believe we were college roommates?”

“Well, isn’t this a small world,” Charlotte said as she nodded her head. “Oh wow, I don’t even know what to say.”

Patton added, “I heard Janus got engaged, and I called him up to congratulate him, then asked if he wanted to come visit.”

“Wow, you two must’ve been close.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” Janus clapped his hands together. “Well, I must say, I’m surprised in more than one way today.”

Patton picked up his cardigan from the blanket and squeezed it against his chest. “Hey, here’s an idea. Why don’t you two sit down and enjoy the picnic together?”

Janus ever so slightly shook his head no, but Charlotte wrapped her arm around his and chirped, “Oh, that’s so sweet of you! But, I really don’t want to impose.”

“I insist,” Patton said. He took a step back, his smile never falling from his face. “I’ll see you later at the house, Janus, and congratulations to both of you. I hope you’re always satisfied with each other.”

Janus opened his mouth to protest, but the words locked themselves in his throat and wouldn’t answer. He traded it out for chewing on his lip. Patton turned just before the tears fell onto his cheek and hurried down the road.

The path home blurred. Patton wiped his tears from his eyes, muttering apologies as he accidentally bumped into people he passed on his way home. The sun that once warmed his skin burned his embarrassed cheeks. The sound of people passing laughed at his stupidity.

Before Patton knew it, he was home. He opened the door and closed it without a word. 

“Welcome home,” Thomas greeted, though his cheerful smile fell seconds later. “Patton, are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Patton said as he took his shoes off. “Just knackered.”

“Where’s Janus?”

“I think I’m going to take a long bath before dinner tonight.”

“Patton? What happened?”

Patton hurried up the stairs, ignoring Thomas calling after him. He closed his bedroom door as quietly as he could and covered his mouth. A sob broke through, then another, and before he knew it, he fell onto his bed with his face buried in his hands and tears staining everything.

He knew he was stupid enough to believe Janus could still love him back, but how could he be stupid enough to think Janus would wait for him?

The phone in Patton’s pocket rang. He thought about leaving it alone, but he brushed his tears away and looked at the screen. An unknown number popped up. Patton thought about not answering it. He wasn’t in the mood. However, when the phone died, it soon started to ring once again. Patton sucked up his pride and sat cross-legged on his bed.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Good evening, Mr. Coeur. This is Mic from Sigmund and Freud. I was once again calling to ask-”

“Yes.”

“-if you… wait, what?”

“Yes. I’ll partner with him. Just… get me on the line with him, please. I need to speak to him myself.”

“Oh, right away, Mr. Coeur. Please hold.”

Patton swallowed thickly. He squeezed his kneecap as he thought about everything he wanted to say but wouldn’t. Eventually, the line on the other end picked up, and his father’s voice spoke through the phone.

“Hello, Felix.”

“Patton,” he corrected.

“Yes, of course. What can I do for you, son?”

“You win,” Patton said with a bitter laugh. “I’ll partner with you.”

“Oh my, why the sudden change of heart? You sound upset.”

“Don’t pretend you care about me after all these years,” Patton snapped. He took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“I understand. You always did have a temper when you were upset. You can’t help the way you are. God forgives you, and so do I, for everything you’ve done to me and our family.”

Patton wrinkled his nose. He opened his mouth to speak, but his father continued.

“I look forward to welcoming you back into the family, son. I even know some pretty girls you can settle down with. Do you remember Nikki? Of course you do. She’s been asking about you for years now, and I think it’s time you apologized to her too.”

“Nikki works there?” Patton’s throat dried up.

“Of course. I hired her right out of college. She’s one of the best designers we have in this place. I think you two would make a lovely couple, don’t you agree?”

Patton was too stunned to answer.

“I’ll take your silence as a yes. I’ll expect you to fly in this month to make the deal official.”

Patton let his head drop as he replied, “Of course.”

“Excellent. Oh, and I do hope you consider going by your real name from now on. There’s no reason to hide who you are anymore.”

“I’ll… think about it.”

“That’s my boy.”

Patton hung up the phone and let it fall from his hand. He buried his eyes in his hands and let out a deep, shuddering breath. All this work, all this running, all this time he thought he was doing the right thing, and none of it ever mattered.

He should’ve known his father would win no matter what he did.


	13. Charlotte's Web

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 4,031  
> Chapter Warnings: manipulation, verbally manipulative partner, toxic relationship, adults not believing minors telling the truth, gaslighting, public embarrassment

Janus watched as his heart left with Patton. He let out a long sigh. The arm around his started to loosen, and Charlotte stood across from him at the picnic basket.

“Well, isn’t he sweet?” Charlotte said. “Though, I have to ask, why were you two out having a picnic together anyway?”

Janus didn’t say a word as he moved past her. Charlotte held out her hand and grabbed his wrist. It snagged. Janus turned his head around and quickly dashed away the annoyance on his face.

“Janus, what’s going on?” Charlotte asked.

Janus pulled his hand out of hers and said, “I have to go after him.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Janus turned and started to walk away. 

Charlotte followed him, asking questions at every turn. Janus ignored her. Eventually, Charlotte stopped him at the edge of the park by standing in front of him.

“Janus Damian Escamas, you tell me what’s going on right now.”

Janus looked down at her like a fly in his soup. He moved to the side to walk past her, but she easily sidestepped and stopped him. Janus let out an annoyed huff.

“Patton isn’t just one of my old friends,” Janus explained. He met her eyes and swallowed his pride. “He was my partner for a long time.”

Charlotte’s jaw dropped. “You? And Patton Coeur? I didn’t know he was gay.”

“He’s a private person when it comes to that stuff.”

“So, you just so happened to fly all the way across the world without telling me you were going and-” She put a hand to her mouth as the gears in her head started to slowly spin. She whispered, “You… you still are in love with him, aren’t you?”

Janus let his eyes slip closed. He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned, “No, that’s not-”

“I knew it,” Charlotte let out a weak laugh. “I knew it. I knew there was something between us that wasn’t connecting right. Oh my god, all this time, I was romancing a gay man.”

“Bisexual, actually.”

“Why did you say yes to me then if you were in love with someone else?” Charlotte asked as she put her hands on her hips.

“Because I haven’t seen Patton in over sixteen years. I didn’t even think he knew I still existed until now because my son found out he had a twin and decided to switch places with him like the Parent Trap and made me cross an ocean to find him.”

The anger on Charlotte’s face started to disappear, and she sucked in a deep breath. “Do you know how stupid that sounds?”

“Believe me, I wish I was making this up.”

A long sigh escaped her lips. After a moment of thought, Charlotte chewed on her lip and shook her head. “Janus, if you had to choose right now between me or Patton, which one would you?”

Janus opened his mouth to answer, but he closed it soon after.

Charlotte let out a bark of a laugh, and she ran a hand through her hair. “Wow. Okay, wow. I understood there was a possibility, but wow, I didn’t think that you’d actually hesitate.”

“Please understand,” Janus said, “It’s really complicated right now, and I don’t-”

“You don’t what? You don’t think you could love us both? You don’t love me back in that way? I’m just a replacement for someone you can’t have?”

“Charlotte-”

“Alright, alright,” Charlotte pinched her nose. “Let’s stop and think about this for a minute. You haven’t seen this guy in years, right? How long have you seen him since then?”

“A week, but-”

“A week! And how long have you known me?”

Janus paused. “About a year now, but-”

“Exactly. And we’ve been in love for the past five months and got engaged two months ago, right?”

“I wasn’t-”

“Janus, if Patton really loved you, he would’ve come back for you. You have to let him go.” Charlotte reached up and put her hands on his shoulders. “He left you, Janus. He left you for dead, and that’s something I would never do. What’s stopping him from doing it to you again, huh? You don’t deserve that.”

For once, Janus couldn’t reply to her. He let a long sigh out of his nose and looked away from her. Charlotte put a hand on his cheek and gently guided his head back to look her in the eye.

“I know it’s hard. I’ve wanted to go back to my ex’s so many times, but you know what? We all broke up for a reason. Sometimes the breakups weren’t even that bad, but they all happened because we weren’t going to work. As much as you love Patton, it’s not going to work. He lives halfway across the world from you. He’s got a successful bridal company. You really think he’s going to give that all up and move into your house and you live happily ever after?”

Janus let out a long sigh through his nose, and he eventually answered, “No.”

Charlotte’s face melted into something softer, more pitying. She leaned in and hugged him, burying her face into his shirt. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I forgive you. I know you were just so happy to see Patton again that you thought he loved you that way, but you know, you can still both be friends, right?”

Janus hesitated before he wrapped his arms around Charlotte’s chest. He let out a long, rested his head on hers, and closed his eyes. Hopefully, if he closed his eyes, he wouldn’t get her head wet.

At last, Janus breathed out, “Right.”

* * *

A knock sounded on Roman and Remus’s door. The two twins looked up at the same time, and Remus put one of his rats back into their cage. He reached out and took the one from Roman’s hand as well as Roman called out, “Come in.”

The door cracked open, and Thomas slipped in. He closed it, not leaving the wood for a moment or two, and kept his back facing them.

“Boys, I think we need to talk,” Thomas said.

Roman and Remus shared expressions before turning their attention back to Thomas. 

Thomas turned and pressed his back to the door. His usual cheerful expression was replaced by a deep frown, and he let a long sigh fall from his lips. Choosing to move, he sat heavily into an old rocking chair and folded his fingers together.

Eventually, Thomas spoke again, “You can’t do this to your dads, you know that, right?”

“Do what?” Roman blinked. “Have them realize how in love with each other they still are?”

Thomas’s expression didn’t change. Remus shifted in his seat and tried his luck.

“Get them to actually talk things out and realize that love wins, in the end, no matter what your sexuality is?”

“Roman, Remus,” Thomas sighed, “I know you want them together and to be a family again, but… but it’s a lot more complicated than that. This isn’t a movie where they can passionately fall into each other’s arms and pretend whatever happened between them didn’t happen. Patton left Janus for a reason. Janus never came to see him for a reason.”

“But-”

“And if you push them together like this, someone’s going to get hurt.”

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but he closed it soon after, so Roman defended, “But Janus set this all up. He told me. He purposely sent Remus to that camp so that we would meet so that he and Patton could get a chance to see each other. This was his idea.”

Thomas scrubbed both of his fingers through his hair. He let out a frustrated sigh and asked, “Then why did Patton come home from the picnic without Janus and run to his room in tears?”

Roman and Remus blinked stupidly at him. Roman opened his mouth to answer but closed it soon after. Remus picked at the skin around his nails and looked down.

Thomas looked up and folded his hands back together. His face was less serious and more sympathetic. He added, “I want Patton to find someone that makes him happy too, but that can’t happen in just a week. What happened between them needs to heal first. That takes time.”

“We don’t have time,” Remus said. Thomas rose a brow.

Roman continued, “Janus is getting married to someone in the next two months, and if we don't’ stop him-”

Thomas let out a hysterical laugh, cutting Roman’s words off, and he covered his mouth. He asked, “And you decided to meddle and try to split them up. Princeton Roman Sanders, I’m surprised at you. How could you do this to him? To your dad? To the person he’s going to marry? Have you ever met them?”

“No, but I,” Roman looked to the side.

Remus defended, “She’s horrible. She’s so manipulative and plays off my dad’s broken heart. I see it all the time.”

“And did you think that before or after you switched places with Roman?”

Remus stuck out his chin and said, “Before. Definitely before.”

“Look,” Thomas quirked his lip into a small smile. “I know it’s hard, but sometimes you have to accept that parents are going to fall in love with people you don’t like.”

“You’re not seriously taking the side of someone you never met, are you?” Roman asked.

“Why not? You’re painting them as the villain without having met them.” Thomas realized his words cut a little too deep, and he added, “All I’m saying is, doing all this is probably hurting their relationship more than you realize. I know you had good intentions, but… but boys, Janus is in love with someone. You can’t break them up because you want to see him with someone else. This isn’t a fanfiction or a show on the telly. These are real people with real lives and real consequences for your actions.”

Remus scowled, but he didn’t object. 

Roman his face in his hands and mumbled, “What did I almost make him do? I was so locked up in the euphoria of having a brother, I missed how I almost hurt dad in the process.”

“It’s not your fault,” Remus said, “not totally anyway. Maybe I… I mean, I’ve met Charlotte, but she does make dad happy. Maybe I’m being too sensitive.”

Thomas watched them in silence for a moment before he stood up from his chair. He walked to the bed and wrapped Roman up into a hug, then did the same to Remus.

“I’m sorry, kiddos. I know you wanted this to work,” Thomas said as he left the room. “We’ll talk more about it over dinner tonight, and you better apologize to your fathers.”

Thomas slipped out the door, and Roman and Remus sat in silence for the first time since they met each other.

* * *

A knock sounded at the door. Logan turned from his spot at the kitchen table and set his teacup on the saucer. He put it down on the table and excused himself. Virgil watched him go, and Thomas placed his tea on the saucer as well to listen.

Logan opened the door, and he caught sight of Janus. However, he froze when he saw the woman wrapped around Janus’s arm like a coat.

“Good afternoon,” he greeted. He tried not to stare at the young woman, but he couldn’t help it.

Janus sucked in a breath and said, “Hello, Logan. I’d like you to officially meet my fiance.”

“Your...fiance?” Logan’s jaw dropped.

Charlotte offered her hand for him to take and said, “Charlotte Webber, and it’s lovely to meet you, Logan.”

Logan took her hand, and she gave it a gentle shake. He stepped to the side and allowed the two of them in the door. As they stepped through, Logan couldn’t take his eyes off the two of them. He shut the door.

“Logan, who is it?” Thomas called from the kitchen. He hurried to the doorway. He smiled, but it soon fell as he realized Janus had company. Thomas quickly recovered and walked over with his hand extended. “Well hello there. I’m Patton’s brother, Thomas. It’s wonderful to meet you.”

Charlotte let Thomas take her hand, and she giggled. She said, “So, you’re the Thomas Coeur that runs the tuxedo shop beside Patton, right?”

“I am,” Thomas replied. 

“It’s lovely to meet you too then. Do you think my Janus could get a suit at your shop? It would be like a matching set.”

“That’d be up to him,” Thomas said as he flicked his eyes toward Janus.

“Eugh, what’s she doing here?”

Thomas turned around to see Virgil leaning on the doorway, his eyes darkened by his eyebrows and frown deeper than the ocean.

“Virgil, be nice,” Janus scolded. “Charlotte was here picking out a wedding dress, you know, for our wedding in two months.”

Virgil eyed the two of them over before he slipped into the kitchen with a mumbled “whatever” and left the four of them in the awkward silence of the foyer. Logan looked at the couple before he excused himself and followed Virgil into the kitchen.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Charlotte,” Thomas said again.

Janus opened his mouth to speak, but Charlotte cut him off, “Did Patton come home? We’re both very worried about him.”

“Oh,” Thomas couldn't help the strained squeak of his voice, “yes, he returned about an hour ago. He’s up in his room I believe.”

Janus moved toward the stairs, but Charlotte’s arm around his stopped him in his tracks. Thomas monitored the interaction. He folded his hands together at his waist and sucked a deep breath through his nose.

“Charlotte,” Thomas addressed, “our families were going to head out to one last dinner together tonight before Janus and his family head back across the pond. Would you like to join us?”

“Oh, I don't’ want to intrude,” Charlotte said with a laugh.

Thomas’s smile fell short. “I insist.”

“Well, if you insist,” she said with a giggle. She reached over and gave Janus a kiss on the cheek. “We should probably go out and find something decent to wear. What time is supper?”

“Our reservations are at half past six.”

“Great! We’ll see you then,” Charlotte said as she landed another kiss on Janus’s cheek. Janus didn’t return the sentiment. She led him through the doorway, telling Thomas they’d return in a few hours.

Thomas shut the door to the house and let out a long sigh through his nose. He returned to the kitchen, and Virgil and Logan stopped their conversation in its tracks.

“Virgil,” Thomas said as he sat down at the table. “I’m going to need you to tell me everything you know about Charlotte.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and responded, “There’s not much to tell, really. She showed up at the magazine one day and asked to speak to my pop about a job, and ever since then, she’s been trying to get into his pants.”

“And has he changed at all since the relationship?”

“Uh,” Virgil scratched his arm, “I don’t know. Maybe? I mean, he was pretty happy at first, but ever since they got engaged, he’s been acting a lot more distant.”

Thomas hummed. He downed the rest of his tea and stared at the tea leaves in the bottom. For a moment, the table settled into silence. Then, Thomas asked, “How do you feel about her?” 

“Oh, I hate her.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Something about her just feels off to me, like she’s constantly hiding something.”

Thomas hummed. He poured himself another cup of tea and grabbed two lumps of sugar. As he stirred it, he contemplated his next words carefully.

“Do you feel like she’s trapping your dad into a relationship?”

Virgil sighed through his nose and looked down at the table. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and replied, “I don’t know. I know he said he’s happy she found him, but I feel like something’s going on that he’s not telling us about.”

Thomas hummed. He tapped his spoon twice against the teacup and placed it down on the table.

“If I may,” Logan said, “what are you trying to figure out, Thomas?”

Thomas stayed silent for a moment. He tapped his index finger against the porcelain of the cup as he pondered his next words. After a while, he answered, “I’m sure I’m being overprotective and nothing more, but I want to make sure that whatever Janus is choosing to do is his choice.”

Virgil rose a brow, and Logan nodded his head in understanding. The table settled down into silence after that. 

Footsteps sounded down the stairs, and soon Patton joined them at the table. For a moment, no one said a word besides a small greeting. They all monitored Patton for any sign of a reaction. The swelling in his eyes was barely noticeable, and he took great care in making himself look as normal as he could. 

“Patton, Janus and Charlotte popped in a moment ago,” Thomas informed.

“They did?” Patton said as he took a sip of tea.

Thomas nodded. “And I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve invited Charlotte to dinner tonight.”

Patton choked on his tea, and he put it down on his plate. He swallowed, cleared his throat, and replied, “Oh, that’s… nice.”

“That doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“Of course not! It’s the logical choice, innit? I mean, they are getting married after all.”

Thomas studied Patton’s facial expression, and he nodded his head. Virgil and Logan shared a concerned glance over the table, and Patton hurried to down the rest of his tea. He grabbed a biscuit from the tray and headed off toward his room once again.

“Well,” Virgil said with a snort. “He took that well.”

“Thomas, if I may, what are you planning?” Logan asked.

Thomas folded his fingers together. He rested his elbows on the table and steepled them under his chin. For a moment, he didn’t answer. 

Finally, he said, “I know I told the boys not to play matchmaker, but I can’t help but feel there’s something off about Janus and Charlotte’s relationship. I swear I’ve seen her before.”

“She’s a model in a lot more places than my dad’s magazine,” Virgil said with a shrug.

Thomas hummed in acknowledgment. He took a sip of his tea and recalled the feeling of her slippery grip on his hand. Either Charlotte was eager to meet him, or she had something to hide, and Thomas was going to figure out which one of the two it was.

* * *

Janus stared at his reflection in the mirror. The oversaturated yellow polo mocked him with its cheerfulness. He slowly lowered the brim of his hat so he couldn’t see his reflection anymore.

What was he doing? Why wasn’t he asking Charlotte to wait on the wedding? If she loved him, she’d wait for him, wouldn’t she? He came all this way hoping that Patton would tell him he was stupid for still loving him and to move on and love Charlotte, but the exact opposite happened, and now he was more frustrated and confused than before.

Janus stepped out of the dressing room. He caught Charlotte talking on her phone and the tail end of the conversation.

“-just a minor setback. I’ll have everything right as rain soon,” Charlotte said. She turned around, and her face lit up. “Oh, Janus, that shirt looks adorable on you.”

“If by adorable you mean attracting everyone’s attention because I’m blinding them than yes.”

“That’s because of your sparkling personality,” Charlotte said. She put her phone in her bag and motioned her finger for him to turn around. Janus sighed and spun in a slow circle, and Charlotte gave a hum of approval. “You look amazing. Too bad there wasn’t a shirt with black flowers on it, or else we’d totally match.”

Janus responded, “You could always pick another dress if you’re that worried about it.”

Charlotte’s smile fell, and Janus’s stomach clenched. She sighed heavily through her nose and clicked her tongue. “I would have, but you said the other dress made me look fat.”

“I did not.”

“Exactly. You didn't’ say anything nice about it or me, which meant you hate it and I look horrible. I know how your mind works.”

Janus ran a hand over her face. “Charlotte-”

“No, nevermind. Just take the shirt off. I’m not going.”

“What? No, that’s not what I-”

“I’m not in the mood anymore. You ruined it. I might as well just stay home and eat cake and ruin my figure and my career.”

“Charlotte, please-”

“Gosh, if this is how you treated Patton, I’m surprised you two didn’t break up sooner. No wonder he wanted to get away from you.”

Janus’s anger flared up in his gut, and he took a step forward. He snapped, “Don’t bring him into this. You don’t know anything about what happened.”

Charlotte burst into ugly tears, making a few people turn to see what was going on. Janus didn’t know what to do, so he stood in the dressing room doorway and tried to quiet his heart. One of the store workers approached Charlotte.

“Are you okay, miss?” they asked.

“N-n-n-I’m fine,” Charlotte said through her tears. She looked up at Janus, her mascara beginning to run down her face, and wiped them away.

“Are you sure? Do you need me to call someone?”

“No, I- I should be okay. I’m sure he didn’t mean it” She sniffled. Her eyes glanced up at Janus, and the longer the silence went on, the more eyes Janus felt on him. He swallowed thickly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Janus said quickly.

“I know. I just wish you would think before you say things like that,” Charlotte mumbled. “I’m doing this all for you.”

“I know.” Janus finally found the courage to step forward. Charlotte fell into his arms, careful not to get any smudged makeup on the unpaid shirt. For a moment, the two of them stood in the store until the nosy patrons went about their business.

Charlotte pulled away first, and she clicked her tongue. “Oh, now I’ve gone and wrinkled it. I just can’t seem to do anything right today.”

“I’m sure no one will even notice,” Janus said.

She let out a long sigh and nodded her head. “Now, hurry along and get changed. We have to meet up for dinner in an hour, and I don't’ think they’d be too happy if you made us any later than we already are.”

“Of course.” Janus excused himself back into the dressing room. As soon as he closed the door, he rested his head against the cool wall. Why did every conversation with Charlotte end with him feeling like he had to walk on eggshells? Janus slipped the shirt over his head and stared at his reflection in the mirror. When did he start to look this exhausted?

Meanwhile, outside the dressing room, Charlotte touched up her makeup in the camera of her phone. A text appeared on the screen, and she quickly clicked on it.

_Mr. Haart: Make sure there are no loose feelings at the dinner tonight, and I’ll add an extra £5K onto what we agreed to._

Charlotte smiled. She sent a text back, closed the messenger on her phone, and finished up her makeup. Why it was so important that Janus and Patton didn’t get together she’d never understand, but she wasn’t about to ask questions. It was none of her business.

Besides, she was sure Janus would tell her eventually. They were about to spend an eternity together, or at least, enough time for the contract to be signed. A part of her felt bad. Patton seemed like a nice man, and she knew Janus had a heart under all that sarcasm. Maybe she could use the extra money to buy her some therapy after all this was over with.

Lord knew Janus was going to need it once she was finished with him.


	14. Dinner and a Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 4,609  
> Chapter Warnings: food mentions, eating, a nsfw joke you’ll miss if you blink, surgery mention, verbal manipulation, self-depreciation, discrimination mention, sexual harassment mention, mentioned threat to leak nudes

Remus pulled at the puke green bow tie tied around his neck and grumbled under his breath. Why Roman didn’t have clip-ons he’d never understand. He felt like he was being hanged. Of course, with the supper date they were about to go on, that might not be far from the case.

Roman clicked his tongue as he turned Remus around. He fiddled with the bow around Remus’s neck and put it back into position.

“Will you leave it be?” Roman scolded.

“I can’t stand it,” Remus replied. “It’s bad enough I can feel how clean my outfit is. Can’t I have a messy bow tie, you know, for my own personal sanity?”

“Don’t be daft.” Roman patted out the wrinkles already forming in Remus’s glittery black shirt. He thought for a moment before he added on, “Besides, this might be the last time I get to see you properly dressed up.”

Remus deflated at that. He looked down at his hands and started picking at his nails again. Roman noticed and gently pulled Remus’s hands apart. The inside of Remus’s skin crawled, and he whined. 

“They’re not going to do that to us, Re,” Roman said. “I’ve talked it over with Dad, and he said that even if Janus and him didn’t get together, which I don't think they are now, he’d let me visit you on holiday.”

Remus snuffed. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Besides, we can’t say we didn’t try.” Roman leaned down until he met Remus’s eyes. Remus sent a sad smile, and Roman sent one back.

“I know, but I feel like we could’ve tried harder.” Remus scowled. “If Charlotte didn’t show up, we would’ve done it, I’m sure of it.”

Roman nodded and let out an annoyed huff. “Maybe we can still do something at supper tonight.”

“I doubt it. You heard Uncle Thomas. We’re supposed to behave.”

“You? Behave? Are you a sandwich short of a picnic? I thought you were the essence of chaos.”

“I am,” Remus puffed out his chest. It popped like a balloon and deflated with a long sigh. “I just don’t want to make things worse than they already are. You saw Patton. He’s a mess, and it’s our fault. He was so happy before all this.”

Roman shook his head. He played with the red tie on his white shirt to make sure it fit correctly and checked his phone. 

“Well, it’s almost showtime,” Roman said. He put his phone back in his pocket and headed for his door. After peering over his shoulder and catching Remus staring into the mirror once again, he continued, “Come on, it’s our last night together before you go home. Let’s make the most of it.”

“Coming.” Remus turned and followed Roman out the bedroom door. They ended up in the foyer, where Logan and Virgil were already waiting. Logan looked no different in his usual black outfit and blue and purple striped tie. It was all he owned, Roman swore. Virgil, on the other hand, looked like he was ready to go to a punk concert.

“Virgil, have you no taste?” Roman said from the staircase. Virgil turned and rose a brow. “You’re not going in that, are you?”

“No, because I’m not going,” Virgil replied.

Roman’s lips floundered. “You’re not?”

“We’re both not,” Logan said. “Virgil and I have decided to both stay home while you enjoy a night out with your fathers, Thomas, and Charlotte.”

“Besides, I’m going to be stuck with that bitch being Pop’s arm candy for the rest of my life. I really don’t want to go to dinner with someone he could’ve had but doesn’t.”

“Come on, Virgil,” Remus said as he put his hands on Virgil’s shoulders. “We’re a team.”

“Is that what you call it?”

“I can’t do this without you?”

“Do what? It’s just supper.”

Logan interjected, “If I may, the outcome of the supper would most likely be the same if Virgil and I went than if we decided to stay home.”

Remus looked between the two of them, and a small smile slowly slithered across his face. He wiggled his eyebrows at Virgil. “Oh, you sly dog.”

“What?”

“I know why you two are staying home together, and it’s not to water Logan’s plants. Could you be, maybe, cross-pollinating them instead?”

Virgil’s eyes widened, and he shoved Remus away. “Dude!”

Logan looked between the two of them before he said, “I don’t understand why that’s a bad thing.”

Remus started to laugh and Virgil turned his red face away. Roman sucked in a breath through his teeth, and he leaned into Logan’s ear to whisper an explanation. Logan’s eyes went from curious to horrified, and he cleared his throat. 

“No, Remus, I’m sorry to inform you we will not be doing that tonight.”

“What a shame,” Remus said as he hummed. “But y’know, if you two ever change your mind-”

“I will kill you if you finish that sentence,” Virgil snapped. 

“What’s wrong, Scare bear? Don’t pretend you haven’t been thirsting over Logan since you stepped off the plane. I have a radar for those kinds of things, you know.”

Virgil lunged forward to throttle Remus’s neck, but the sound of footsteps down the stairs made them all turn their heads. Patton looked like every other time he did, but the gray tie around his neck had pink cat paw prints. He stopped at the end of the stairs and looked over at Roman and Remus.

“You both look so handsome,” he commented. He turned to Logan and Virgil, and his brows knit together in confusion. “Aren’t you two coming?”

“I’m afraid Virgil and I have agreed to skip out on the dinner.”

“Are you sure? You know that I don’t mind paying for you, Logan.”

Logan’s lip dipped upward and he nodded his head. “As you have since I became part of your family.”

Patton’s smile beamed brighter than the polished floor. He heard Thomas on the stairs and turned. Thomas stopped at the end of the stairs, his pale pink dress shirt leaving the top two buttons open, and a tie laid limp around his neck.

Patton rolled his eyes and walked over to him. He began buttoning the buttons as he said, “It’s a shame the owner of a tuxedo shop can’t even tie his own tie, innit?”

Thomas snorted and mumbled, “Tell that to Arthur.”

Patton sighed through his nose. “Are you going to be okay to eat with us tonight?”

“I should be. My joints don’t hurt too bad.” Thomas paused. “Besides, if they lock up, it’ll give me an excuse to spend a penny.”

“Now that’s a phrase I haven't heard in a while.”

“Just speaking as old as I feel.”

“You’re forty-five.”

“And your point?”

Patton made a face, and Thomas chuckled. The two brothers shared a silent moment before Patton turned and clasped his hands together.

“So, are you boys ready?”

“As I’m going to be,” Roman replied.

Patton nodded his head. He led the way out the door and held it open for everyone. One by one, they got into the car that would take them to the restaurant.

“So, are Janus and Charlotte going to meet us at the restaurant?” Patton asked.

“As far as I know,” Thomas replied. “I gave them a time.”

Patton clicked his seat belt without saying another word. For a moment, he looked ready to say something, but whatever it was took a back seat as he drove the conversation forward. “I sure hope they have bread and butter pudding.”

“Patton, this is an expensive restaurant,” Thomas commented.

“I know, but it’s one of my favorites.”

Thomas shook his head and let out a small laugh.

The ride to the restaurant took no time at all as far as Remus was concerned. They pulled up in front of a large white boat that almost looked like the Titanic. Remus hummed. Maybe the boat would sink with them in it for a little bit of entertainment.

The car pulled up, and an usher opened both sides of the door, allowing everyone to hop out. Patton offered them a word of thanks before he helped Remus slide out of the car behind him. Roman walked around the other side of the car as their chauffeur drove off.

“Well, you clean up rather nice,” Janus’s smooth voice said from behind them. 

Patton turned around, and he came face to face with Janus, who ditched his hat for slicked-back hair. His heart stopped, and Patton cleared his throat to jumpstart it.

“So do you,” he answered.

As they stared at each other, Charlotte wrapped her arms around Janus’s right arm and leaned in close to his shoulder, reminding Patton who Janus truly belonged to. She hummed and looked Patton up and down.

“Wow, I can see how you fell for him, Janus,” Charlotte commented. “He pulls off a dress shirt better than you do, and I must say, I’m a fan of the cat tie.”

“It’s purrfect, right?” Patton said.

Charlotte wrinkled her nose while Janus quirked his lips into a smile. She looked up at Janus and cleared her throat. 

Janus sucked in a breath and turned. “Well, I’m sure that if we stand out here all night we’ll miss our reservation.”

“Of course,” Patton said. He walked past the duo and headed to the front to check-in. 

Janus looked over at Roman and Remus and rose a brow. He asked, “So, are you two finally done with the switching game?”

“Well, we lost,” Remus said with a shrug, “so there’s no point in playing any more games.”

“Besides,” Roman answered, “I’m doing this for Dad. It’s the least I could do for breaking his heart twice this week.”

“Twice?” Janus rose a brow. Roman shared a knowing look with Remus and moved to Patton’s side. Thomas excused himself and did the same. Janus looked over at Remus, hoping for some clarification, but Remus didn’t look too keen on explaining either. Janus continued, “Hang on, I’m short a child. You didn’t auction Virgil off to the highest bidder while I was gone, did you?”

“No, he stayed behind with his new boyfriend,” Remus said with a smirk.

“His new what now?”

Charlotte laughed. “Well, I never thought that the United Kingdom of all places would be where romance blooms. Am I going to get a son-in-law already?”

Remus’s gin turned bitter as he left his father’s side to join Patton’s family. Janus let out a long sigh through his nose. Patton waved the two remaining party members over, and Janus walked with Charlotte attached to his arm.

“I hope you don’t mind that we’re eating outside,” Patton said.

“Of course not,” Janus replied. “If it rains, it’ll set the mood perfectly.”

“Well, it is undercover. Just outside,” Patton explained. The group made their way between tables and settled down at a table in the center of the dining room. The windows, indeed, were open, allowing the warm summer air to push the smell of food around the restaurant. The silverware chatted more than the people inside. A grand piano played in the corner. 

“Well, isn’t this just romantic,” Charlotte said as she cuddled into Janus’s side. Janus pulled out her seat for her, and she thanked him. Janus took the seat aside from her. Roman and Remus took the seats across from them, while Patton and Thomas took both ends of the table. 

Within a few minutes, a woman with a thick Scottish accent swung by to take their orders. Janus didn’t miss how Patton ordered a golden ale, and Thomas was spoiling Roman and Remus with a bottle of white wine. He raised an eyebrow at his younger son, who merely wiggled his eyebrows back and forth and mouthed “legal” back to him. Janus rolled his eyes with a snort. Charlotte pointed to a rather expensive French wine, and Janus’s heart stopped when he saw the price.

Patton whispered in his ear, “Treat her. I’m paying for everything. Consider it an early wedding present.”

Janus should’ve been relieved, but his stomach dropped at the mention of his engagement. He agreed to buy Charlotte the wine, which made her squeal and praise him. Janus couldn’t help the burst of pride in his chest. It was moments like these that reminded him why he loved her.

Thomas, who sat to Charlotte’s right, folded his fingers together and placed them in his lap. He said, “So, Charlotte, how did you and Janus meet?”

“Oh, it’s such a romantic story,” Charlotte said. She leaned into Janus’s side. “You know, I was homeless and looking for a job. I couldn’t find anything in modeling, because, well, I’ve got a rather nasty scar across my chest.”

“Goodness, what happened?”

“Open heart surgery. Had a heart attack when I was twenty-five. Thankfully someone called the hospital for me and got me to the hospital in time,” she said. She paused for a moment and said, “After that, I got fired because I was told I wasn’t beautiful enough. Can you believe that? I mean, that’s not what they put on the pink slip, but they might as well have. I couldn’t find anyone that would let me model for them.”

“That’s horrible,” Patton said at Janus’s side. He looked ready to reach across the table and wrap her in a hug.

Charlotte sighed and nodded her head. She soon smiled and replied, “And then, I found this beautiful angel beside me. He took me in when no one else would, and golly, it was love at first sight.”

Charlotte reached over and took Janus’s hand. She stroked soothing circles around his thumb and finished, “And the rest is history.”

Remus made a gagging sound, but he covered it up quick with a cough. Janus sent him a dirty look, and Patton asked if Remus was alright. Remus waved them off, sharing an amused look with Roman beside him. 

Thomas said, “Sounds like you two were a match made in heaven.”

“Oh, we were. I knew from then on, I wanted to be by his side. I never wanted to leave him. Never.” Charlotte glanced at Patton out of the corner of her eye, a move Thomas didn’t miss nor comment on. Patton looked down at his folded hands, and Janus couldn't’ help the nervous swallow that bobbed his Adam’s apple up and down.

“So,” Thomas addressed Janus, “did you propose?”

“Oh no,” Charlotte said with a laugh. “I did. My Janus is way too shy, and I just couldn’t wait any longer. Besides, we live in a different world, and if a woman wants to propose, she has every right to.”

“Of course,” Thomas said as he turned his attention to her. “So, may I hear the story?”

“Well, first, I took him out to this lovely restaurant my parents owned. They were in on it, so I had the whole place ready to celebrate him saying yes. I know he loves piano music, so I made sure to get the perfect pianist to set the mood. Then, halfway through dinner, I got down on one knee and proposed. He was so shocked he couldn’t say anything, but he eventually said yes, and we shared a passionate kiss while the whole restaurant cheered.”

Thomas monitored Janus’s reaction to the story. He didn’t miss the way Janus still wasn’t wearing his ring while Charlotte displayed hers proudly on her finger. Nor did he miss how Janus’s hands played with something in his pocket.

“Gosh, that’s great,” Patton said from his end of the table. 

Charlotte held out her hand and showed off the engagement ring. “I got us a matching set, but unfortunately, the metal irritates Janus’s skin, or else he’d wear his too.”

“Sterling silver always did make him break out,” Patton said. He chuckled. “Remember when you got your ears pierced at the small shop by campus.”

Janus snorted. “How could I? You cried all night about me losing my ear.”

“I was worried,” Patton said as he took a drink of his beer. He swallowed hard and said, “How could I not be?”

Janus argued. “It was just a little extra itching. Besides, it went away eventually.”

Charlotte looked between the two of them, and she sighed through her nose. She commented, “I’m sure if Janus would’ve told me about his allergy to nickel, I could’ve avoided the whole thing. It’s just one thing I messed up like I always do.”

Janus turned his attention back to her and said, “You know that’s not true.”

“Oh, don’t patronize me, Janus. It’s sweet, but I know what I’m truly like. I’m lucky I found you, or else I don’t know what I’d do. I’d probably be dead.”

“Yeah, that would be unfortunate,” Remus commented. Roman glanced over at him from the corner of his eye, and Remus took a sip of wine.

Soon, the waitress came back to get their food order. Everyone, for the most part, knew what they wanted. Charlotte asked if Janus would split a meal with her, claiming she had to watch her figure, and he agreed, even though Thomas commented the food wasn’t what Americans were used to when it came to portion sizes. 

After their orders were taken, the group settled into conversation once again, though it was more like Charlotte spoke over Janus every time he tried to add his opinion. The more it happened, the more Thomas seemed to lean in close to Janus. Patton noticed and narrowed his eyes, but Thomas never acknowledged Patton’s reaction. 

“So, Charlotte,” Thomas said as he stabbed his Ceasar salad, “if Janus was the only one nice enough to take you in, why were you in France?”

Charlotte blinked a few times. “Well, it was from someone who saw me in Janus’s magazine, and he said he wanted me to come model a few outfits out for him. Nothing special. Just a quick cash grab.”

“That’s a pretty expensive cash grab. I can’t imagine what you got paid would be worth the trouble of getting a passport and flying all the way over here.”

“Oh, it was all expenses paid.”

“And you just so happened to take a trip to the UK after you were done.”

“Of course,” Charlotte narrowed her eyes. After clearing her throat, she said, “I wonder what they have on the dessert menus.”

Roman and Remus watched Thomas, who started back on the conversation, “Have you ever heard of Sigmund and Freud?”

Charlotte sucked in a breath, and her eyes snapped up to meet Thomas. Patton hissed Thomas’s name, but Thomas didn’t back down.

After a too-long pause, Charlotte answered, “I might have. They’re a pretty popular fashion brand and make some beautiful clothes.”

“So, have you ever modeled for them?”

“Goodness, no. I applied, but I never got a word back from them.” Thomas hummed, and Charlotte quickly asked, “Why?”

“It’s-”

“It’s our father’s company,” Patton interrupted. All eyes went to him, and he played with the cuffs of his sleeve. “Thomas, can I speak to you in private?”

“No need, Patton,” Charlotte said as she stood up and gathered her purse. “I think Janus and I have better things to do at the moment. Thanks for the food, it was great, but-”

“Did you, or did you not, know you were working for our father?” Thomas asked. 

Charlotte’s face blanched, and she puffed out her chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really?” Thomas rose a brow.

“Thomas!”

“Because when I met you, I had the strangest feeling I saw you before. I thought I went mad, but then I looked up the website, and sure enough, I found a model that looks a lot like you with a scar down her chest just like yours.”

Charlotte’s jaw dropped, and she gripped the back of her chair until her knuckles went white. Janus glanced from Charlotte to Thomas and back at Charlotte again.

Thomas continued, “It’s a bit suspicious, innit? That you would have your picture modeling at another company after you said that Janus was the only one who would hire you after you got your scar. Downright wonky.” Thomas paused. “Unless it’s a load of codswallop.”

Patton looked ready to say something, but his eyes went to Janus instead. Janus’s lips parted in silent surprise as he stared at Charlotte.

“This is ridiculous,” Charlotte snapped. “Absolutely asinine. I never thought you would be so upset that I was marrying Janus that you would produce such an absolute lie to slander my name.”

Thomas pulled out his phone and said, “I could pull up the website if you don’t believe me. Maybe I’m wrong, you never know.”

Charlotte opened her mouth to protest, but instead, she stomped her foot and excused herself. Janus stood up from his chair, ready to follow her, but he stopped in his tracks. For a moment, the whole table held its breath.

Patton was the first one to speak. “Janus?”

“Thomas, I need to see the photos,” Janus said. He didn’t take his eyes away from where Charlotte walked off.

Thomas let out a long sigh and pulled up the website. He scrolled a bit before he found the pictures he was looking for. When he handed the phone to Janus, he whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

Janus stared at the picture like it was a ghost. He sat down heavily in his chair, his eyes still glued to the screen. He didn’t move a muscle otherwise.

“Pop?” Remus questioned. He leaned in close to the table. If the table was smaller, he would’ve reached out to take Janus’s hand. “Pop, are you okay?”

“How could I not,” Janus paused. He let out a weak laugh. “I’m supposed to be good at detecting lies. How could I not tell? How could I not see she was manipulating me this whole time?”

Roman spoke up, “People do stupid things when they’re in love.”

Patton hissed Roman’s name, and Roman ducked his head down. Patton turned to Janus, and he said, “You never know. There might be a reason for all this. We’ll have to talk to her when she comes back.”

Janus passed Thomas’s phone back to him. He stood up from his seat and followed Charlotte out of the dining room. As he rounded the corner, he could hear her voice speaking to someone on the phone. He hid at the corner and eavesdropped.

“-he knows? I didn’t expect them to go digging through your website, and apparently neither did you, because my pictures are still up.” She paused. “I don’t know how to fix it! This wasn’t part of the plan.” Another pause. “You know, if you’re so smart, why don’t you come across the pond and deal with your son yourself if you want him so bad?”

Janus held his breath as he stepped around the corner. Charlotte spoke on the phone with her back toward him, one arm folded under the other as she scoffed. 

She continued, “I already spent the money. There’s no way I can pay it back!” She paused. “How am I supposed to hold up my end of the deal when that idiot knows about-”

Charlotte turned, and her eyes widened as they connected with Janus’s own. For a moment, her lips floundered. She hung up the phone and let it fall to her side.

“Janus, I can explain-”

Janus held up a hand, and Charlotte closed her mouth in an instant. He took a step toward her, and she took a step back. 

“I don’t want you to explain anything,” Janus spat. “I think I understand everything perfectly.”

Charlotte’s lips searched for an answer before she yelled, “He blackmailed me! I had no choice. He said he was going to leak my nudes if I didn’t trick you into marrying me so that Patton would sign over his business, and I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for this to get so out of control.”

“Wait, what?”

“It was stupid, I know, but it was the only way to get a modeling position, and-”

“No, I mean, I’m concerned about that too, but what does Patton have to do with any of this?” 

Janus froze. He recalled how Patton said his father kept hounding him, how he wouldn’t agree to sign, because then he lost Janus for nothing. Would Janus getting married push him to partner with his father? Or worse, would the contract make Patton lose everything to his father until he owned nothing? 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Charlotte said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt. I was just-”

“Scared. I get it.” Janus let out a long sigh. “Look, Charlotte, you could’ve talked to me about it. I could’ve helped you get out of it. You didn’t have to work for him, especially if we could prove he was threatening you.”

“I didn’t know if I could trust you, and by then, I was already in too deep.”

Janus moved closer to her, and Charlotte took a step back. He paused and thought for a moment. “Why don’t you come back to the table? You can explain everything to everyone.”

Charlotte shook her head. “I can’t. It’s bad enough you know. How do I know I can trust them?”

Janus’s lips pulled into a sad smile, and he replied, “Trust me. You’re not the only victim of harassment at that table. They’ll understand.”

Charlotte nodded her head. She followed Janus back to the table, unable to meet anyone’s eyes. 

“Charlotte, is everything alright?” Patton asked. The whole table held its breath as they waited for a response. Janus reached over and grabbed her hand, offering silent support. 

Charlotte took a deep breath and explained, “First off, my name isn’t Charlotte Webber. It’s Mara O’Neil, and I was blackmailed by your father.”

Charlotte- now Mara- told her whole story, how Patton’s father told her the only way to get into a modeling position was to give him nude photographs to show her perfect form. When he saw she had a scar on her chest, he said the only way he’d take her in now was if she did him a favor. That favor was to steal the heart of Janus, Patton’s ex-lover, and use that knowledge to push Patton into signing over his company. How he knew it would work, she didn’t know, but by the look on Patton’s face, it must’ve worked to a degree.

“You poor thing,” Patton whispered as Mara finished her story.

Thomas chewed on his lip as he said, “I’m so sorry I treated you so horridly.”

“No, it’s alright,” Mara mumbled. “I deserved it. And besides, if you didn’t, you would’ve never known the truth until it was too late. Janus is lucky to have someone like you looking out for him.”

“It was more for Patton than Janus,” Thomas corrected, which earned a raised brow from Janus, “and to apologize to my nephews for doubting them that something was off.”

Roman and Remus shared a look, and they high fived under the table. Patton folded his fingers together on the table and hummed.

“Well, as exciting as this was, it sounds like we all could use a bit of dessert to sweeten this bitter moment. I saw they had bread and butter pudding.”

Mara blinked. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that. Is it any good?”

Patton beamed as he replied, “You butter believe it.”


	15. Speak Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,743  
> Chapter Warnings: it’s cute

Sadly, like all good things, the time for Remus, Janus, and Virgil staying in the United Kingdom came to an end. 

Remus shut his suitcase lid and sighed. He looked over at Roman in the rocking chair, who hadn’t said a word to him all morning. Remus offered a small smile.

“Hey, cheer up, Roro. At least they’re talking to each other now, and now that Char- uh, Mara is not marrying Pop anymore, there’s still a chance.”

“I know, I know, I have to be patient,” Roman said. He sighed and looked up from the floor. “But I’m going to miss you.”

Remus walked over and jumped into Roman’s lap. The rocking chair protested, as did Roman. Remus wrapped his arms around Roman’s neck, threw his legs over the arm of the chair, and laid a huge, purposefully wet kiss on Roman’s cheek. 

“Aww, Roman, I didn't’ know you cared about me so much!”

“Don’t make me change my mind.”

“And just think, if Pop and Patton do happen to get together, then I’ll have two brothers to annoy!”

Roman groaned and shoved Remus onto the floor. Remus yelped as he flopped onto his stomach. Roman leaned over the front of the chair, his lips drawn into a grin, and shook his head.

“What makes you think it won’t be me annoying you?”

Remus beamed at that. He stood up, adjusted his shirt, and grabbed his suitcase from the bed. Roman followed after him, and the two of them made their way down to the foyer where Thomas and Janus were currently talking.

Janus turned to face the two twins as they came down the stairs, and his lips pulled into a smile, “Well, I sure hope the two of you are done playing guess who.”

“Don’t worry, Pop, it’s me,” Remus said.

“And how do I know you’re telling me the truth?”

Remus grinned, “Because when I was twelve, I accidentally fell into the alligator pen and you asked if I hurt any of the gators, then proceeded to jump over the fence into the mud to get me out.”

Thomas looked absolutely horrified, but Janus laughed and shook his head. He said, “Priorities, after all.”

Thomas reached over and picked up Remus’s suitcase. He left the house to put it in the car. Janus watched him work and turned to Roman, who was playing with the cuff of his shirt.

“Now, I hope you know you can visit anytime,” Janus explained.

Roman looked up at that. He sent a too-wide smile and said, “Oh, of course. Plan on me swinging by a lot when I’m on holiday. I want to visit Speedy again.”

Janus smiled and he held his arms out. The smile on Roman’s face broke, and he charged forward to fall into Janus’s arms. The collision made Janus take two steps back. He wrapped his arms around Roman’s shoulders. For a moment, the two of them stood together and let the hug last way past its welcome, neither wanting to let go first.

“Now, you keep your father out of trouble, you hear?” Janus whispered to him. Roman nodded his head in Janus’s chest. “And you better come, because I have a photoshoot with your name all over it.”

“I promise,” Roman mumbled into his chest. Janus patted Roman’s head and put his hands on Roman’s shoulder. Roman looked up at him with a wet smile and blinked the tears out of his eyes.

“Say, Pop, where’s Virgil?” Remus asked.

Janus sighed through his nose and shook his head. “He’s still upstairs saying goodbye to Logan. I have a feeling I’m going to have more trouble dragging him out of here than I am you.”

“Need me to go up and sour the mood?”

“No, let him enjoy his last moments with his British crush. I know how important those final moments are.”

Thomas returned from the car, and he checked the time on the clock. He asked, “Would any of you like a cuppa tea before you go? We still have time.”

“There’s always time for tea for you,” Roman said.

Thomas smiled and replied, “I’m a man of fine taste, and my taste happens to be earl grey and strawberry jam biscuits.”

Eventually, Virgil and Logan slowly made their way down the stairs. Logan carried one of Virgil’s bags, while Virgil had his laptop and backpack over his shoulder. As they hit the bottom step, Logan put Virgil’s suitcase on the floor.

“Now, you’re sure you have everything?” Logan asked.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “We went through the checklist six times, Lo. I think I’m fine.”

“I’m merely checking because to ship the item back to you would be rather expensive.”

“Well, it’d give me an excuse to come back and see you, so it wouldn't’ be all bad.”

Logan’s cheeks flushed. He cleared his throat and changed the subject, “Are you sure you’ll be fine on the ride home? A binder is not designed to be worn for more than eight hours, and the flights are well over-”

“Logan, buddy,” Virgil said as he grabbed onto Logan’s shoulders. He reached up and planted a simple kiss to Logan’s forehead, even if he had to stand on his tiptoes. The action stunned Logan into silence. He blinked down at Virgil, and Virgil’s grin tinged his own cheeks pink. He continued, “I know you’re worried, but I’ll be fine. That’s what they made really baggy hoodies for.”

Logan nodded his head. He cleared his throat and looked away toward the other members of the family, who were either looking away to give them privacy or ready to cheer the duo on. Virgil let his hands slide off of Logan’s shoulders, and Logan already mourned the loss of heat. As Virgil turned to walk away, Logan grabbed onto Virgil's wrist. As it snagged, Virgil turned and raised a brow.

Logan cleared his throat and said, “I heard there’s a custom to kiss your company goodbye before they embark on a long journey.”

“Oh?” Virgil said with a raised brow.

“Yes, so,” Logan paused, “may I give you a good luck kiss?”

Virgil returned to Logan and tilted his head up. Logan met him halfway. The kiss didn’t last long, maybe a few seconds, but it left quite an impression.

Remus whistled, and Virgil pulled away from Logan with a scowl. Virgil flipped Remus off, and Remus made a fake surprised face.

Remus said, “Wow, Virgil, I didn’t think you were capable of loving anyone. You’re always so stuffy and boring. Maybe next time I’ll get to watch you two take it a step further, you know, when you decide to break the bed.”

Virgil took his backpack off and whipped it at Remus’s shoulder. Remus let out a surprised cry then started to laugh. He rubbed the now sore spot on his shoulder. Virgil walked past him and threw the bag over one shoulder. Logan, who finally got the rosiness in his cheeks under control, hurried after him.

Janus rolled his eyes and turned to Thomas. “Kids.”

“Innit.”

Janus turned toward the stairs one last time as Patton hurried down. He hit the bottom of the stairs and hurried toward them.

“Now, is everyone sure they have everything?” Patton asked.

Janus rolled his eyes. “Yes, because it’s not like we’re coming back anytime soon or anything.”

Patton opened his mouth to speak. One of his shoelaces, which happened to be untied, snagged under his other shoe. He tripped and fell forward. Janus reached out just in time to grab Patton under the armpits and stead him. He snorted through his nose and stood Patton upright.

“Well, I guess I just keep falling for you,” Patton said with a laugh. Janus’s mirth started to melt away, and Patton realized what he just said. He cleared his throat and quickly clarified, “I mean, I sure stumbled over my graceful entrance.”

“Nice save,” Janus replied. “And here I thought you were rehearsing for Footloose.”

Patton laughed, and he shook his head. Janus couldn’t help the soft smile that graced his face. After a moment, he stepped away from Patton and cleared his throat.

“You know,” Janus continued, “my offer on you building a shop in California still stands, if you ever want to expand your business.”

“Thanks, but I think I have other things to worry about right now, at least, if I’m going to help Mara clear her name that is.” Patton sucked in a breath. “I’ve never been the sour type, but I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t feel good to get my father’s knickers in a twist for once.”

Janus mocked a surprised gasp. “Patton? Lying? Vengeance? I never thought I’d see the day.”

“I don’t know if I’d call it vengeance. I’d say it’s more like holding him accountable for his actions.”

“Ah yes, something he’s dealt with so many times before.”

Thomas checked his watch. He tapped the glass before he said, “I hate to ruin your last moment together, but if you want to make it to the airport in time, we have to leave.”

“So pushy,” Janus said as he shook his head. He turned back to Patton, who struggled to hold Janus’s eye contact. Janus and Patton moved at the same time. Janus stuck out his hand for Patton to shake, while Patton took a step forward and raised both arms. Patton stopped dead in his tracks. He clapped his hands together instead and snagged his lip in between his teeth.

Janus sighed and said, “At least we’re parting on better terms this time.”

Patton looked down at Janus’s hand, laughed, and reached out to shake Janus’s hand. “Yeah. I… I can’t say I won’t miss you any less though.”

Janus let out a sigh. He pulled Patton forward into a hug, wrapping his arms around Patton’s shoulders. Patton’s surprise melted into the hug, and he wrapped his arms around Janus’s waist. For a moment, they stood together without saying a word.

“I’ll miss you too,” Janus whispered into Patton’s ear at last.

Finally, the two decided to break apart. Patton gave two strong pats to Janus’s shoulder before he picked up one of Janus’s bags and helped him to the car. Virgil and Logan were the next two out.

Roman and Remus stood in the doorway and watched the rain bounce off everyone’s umbrellas.

“Wow, it’s even ending like the movie,” Remus commented.

“Well, it’s always raining here,” Roman said, “so I don’t know if it counts.

“It counts,” Remus said.

Roman offered his hand out to shake, but Remus launched himself around Roman’s neck and put him in a headlock. He ruffled Roman’s hair, listening to Roman protest and sputter as he squirmed underneath him.

Remus laughed and said, “Well, since you’re not coming with me, I had to give you the brother treatment one last time.”

Roman eventually freed his neck, and he coughed. He asked, “Don’t you have deodorant?”

“Of course I do. I keep it in my suitcase for light snacking.”

“Then why does your breath smell like rubbish?”

Remus opened his mouth to comment, but he decided against it and shook his head. He patted Roman on the shoulder and hopped down the rest of the steps. 

As Roman watched them from the safety of his house’s steps, he couldn't help but feel a small bit of sadness well up in his gut. The rain on the ground sang a sad lament as the windshield wipers on the car started up. Patton and Thomas hurried up the house steps and to Roman’s side. They waited together as Janus, Virgil, and Remus disappeared inside the car doors.

Remus waved from his side of the glass, and Roman waved back. Then, Remus breathed on the car window. Roman’s heart pounded as he thought of the sweet message his brother would leave on his last day.

He shouldn’t have been surprised when Remus drew a dick on the window. Patton let out an offended gasp beside him, and Thomas snorted through his nose.

Thomas shook his head. “Teens.”

“Innit,” Patton and Roman said at the same time.

Patton looked down at Roman and wrapped a comforting arm around Roman’s shoulders. He rubbed his hand up and down a bit, moving Roman’s jumper along with it. He sighed through his nose as the car passed through the gates and headed down the road toward the airport.

“I think I’ll put on some tea,” Patton said. He walked away, leaving Thomas and Roman standing on the porch together.

Thomas sighed through his nose. He looked down at Roman, and a smile graced his face. “Don’t worry, kiddo, they’ll get back together eventually. I can feel it.”

Roman looked up at him with a raised brow. Thomas patted Roman on the shoulder and led him into the house. The door closed behind them, leaving the rain to pan out the scene.

* * *

“Virgil, have you seen Remus anywhere?” Janus asked as he stood on the bridge at the reptile sanctuary. 

Virgil looked up at him, shielding his eyes from the sun, and replied, “Last I knew, he was still with Speedy. Said he didn’t plan to come out until Halloween.”

Janus snorted, and he mumbled a quick thanks. He patted the deck railing and hurried down the stairs toward the giant tortoise’s pen.

True to Virgil's word, Remus sat next to the large, not quite a rock but still close enough Speedy. Remus rambled about what happened over the past week, and the elder tortoise listened with an attentive ear. Well, as attentive as she could while munching on lettuce leaves.

Janus stood at the end of the pen and put his hands on his hips. He called out, “Well, I see someone is catching up on lost time.”

Remus turned to him with a bright smile. He said, “Well, you know how these tortoises are. They have two centuries to listen.”

Janus let out a short sigh, and he explained, “I’m heading down to the office to take some pictures if you want to tag along.”

“Sure, just let me dust off my pants a bit,” Remus said. He dramatically patted off his butt and walked to the end of the gate. As he left, he called over his shoulder, “Don’t wait up for me, dear. I’ll be there for a while.”

Together, Janus and Remus made their way out to the car. Remus slid over the hood and went to the passenger’s side, and Janus shook his head as he climbed in the car. It started them on the journey to the office.

“So, does Roman have any plans to swing by for Christmas?” Janus asked.

Remus sighed through his nose. “Yeah. He said he had a present for us, as in all of us, and we were going to love it, but he wouldn’t tell me what.”

“Well, I sure hope it’s French perfume for you,” Janus said.

“Only if it’s swiss cheese scented,” Remus replied.

Janus let out a laugh through his nose, and he shook his head. Remus smiled up at him then turned his attention back to the road. The sights of California blended from desert to small city as they got closer to the office.

Janus stopped at the light outside of their office and listened to the car’s turn signal keeping the beat with his radio. He caught sight of the sign hanging in the window beside his office and rose a brow.

“Well, someone finally bought old Smith’s grocery store,” Janus said.

“Aww, what a shame,” Remus answered. “I’ll miss jumping over the holes on the second floor.”

“Well, I won’t miss the hospital bills that come when you fall through one of them.”

The light changed from red to green, and Janus turned into the parking garage of the office space. He entered the swinging door into the office space.

“Good morning, Mr. Escamas,” the receptionist at the front desk greeted Janus. She lowered her glasses as she eyed Remus and continued, “Oh, and Remus, please don’t terrorize the goldfish this afternoon.”

“Aww, but they taste so good,” Remus commented. The receptionist quirked her nose into a disgusted wrinkle.

Janus led Remus through a door with a large unlit light above it. When they stepped inside, the air was a comfortable warm temperature, unlike the frigid air conditioning of the rest of the building. The room was totally black save for strategic lighting in the center. A large green screen stood tall against a motorcycle prop in the center. A few photographers crowded around the center, blocking Remus’s view of the model in the middle.

“Minor on set,” Janus called out as they walked closer to the center.

A photographer that Remus recognized as Jack turned to them and answered, “Don’t worry. Sharon’s decent at the moment.”

“Good,” Janus answered. “I’d hate for poor Remus here to get any more nasty ideas in his head.”

“Oh come on,” Remus whined. “I haven’t had any dirty thoughts since Saturday. I was doing good. Now you’ve ruined it.”

Jack laughed and shook his head. He turned to Janus and asked him about the lighting on the model sitting in front of them. Janus hummed and commented that it should’ve been fine.

After taking a few photos, Jack announced for the crew to take a break. He pulled out a water bottle from his side and took a drink.

Jack let the water bottle pop off his lips, and he asked, “Oh, did you hear who bought Smith’s next to us?”

“Can’t say I have,” Janus responded.

“Well, they were really insistent that they meet you, so I let them hang out in your office until you got here.”

Janus’s stomach dropped, and he said, “Jack, you let a stranger sit in my office? The one with everyone’s paychecks in it?”

Jack defended, “He said he wouldn’t touch anything.”

Janus excused himself, and Remus followed hot on his heels. After pulling out his key from his pocket, Janus shoved the metal into the lock and twisted it. He opened his door so hard it thunked against the wall.

The chair to his desk was turned so the back faced them. Janus cleared his throat, and he said, “Whoever you are, you have five seconds to turn around and tell me what you’re doing in my office.”

The chair slowly turned, and Janus’s fight flew from his body. He gazed upon the bright eyes that smiled at him with the mischievous glint he missed so much. Remus gasped at his side and bounced on his toes.

“Well, that’s one way to say hello,” Patton said as he folded his fingers on the desk.

“What are you doing here?” Janus asked as he rose a brow.

Patton turned the chair so he could stand and started to walk over. “Oh, well, I had to swing by the courts earlier to clear Mara’s name and get my father fired from his position, and I had some extra time, so I thought I’d come scout out California for that third shop that I wanted to open. And wasn’t it just my luck that a building next to this really nice photography place was open and ready for me to move into within the month.”

Janus’s jaw slowly started to drop the longer Patton talked. Patton stopped a few steps away from Janus, his eyes innocently batting as Janus’s shock slowly started to melt into amusement.

“Is that going to be a problem, neighbor?” Patton asked.

“Of course not,” Janus answered. “The more the merrier.”

“Good, because I’d hate for this town to not be big enough for the both of us,” Patton said as he took another step closer. Janus didn’t move away. They were almost chest against chest now, Patton’s head tilted slightly down to look into Janus’s eyes. Patton continued, “And I was hoping someone could show me some good eating places while I was here.”

“Consider your tour guide found.”

Patton turned his attention to Remus, and he winked. He asked, “So, where do I go around here to get something good to eat?”

Janus answered, “Oh, there’s this small cafe down the road that serves some delicious pastries, and I know you have quite the sweet tooth. I’m no expert, but I heard the tea is tea-lightful too, excuse the pun.”

Patton turned his attention back to Janus and said, “Wow, I didn’t think you had it in you to pun.”

“I have my moments.”

Remus commented, “God, would you two kiss already? The sexual tension is killing me here, and I’m not good enough to die young, so I’ll probably turn into a zombie.”

Patton looked from Remus to back at Janus again. He swallowed thickly, and he said, “Only if Janus wants to.”

Janus stood on his toes, his nose almost touching Patton’s own, and he said, “Oh, trust me, Janus wants to.”

“Then what’s stopping you?” Patton asked.

Janus closed the rest of the gap, his nose brushing past Patton’s own. The two of them locked lips. Patton slid his hand up Janus’s arm until it cradled the crook of Janus’s neck, and Janus wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist. Patton’s lips were just as soft as he remembered, though they tasted more like peppermint than cookies.

The only reason they separated was because breathing still existed.

“Oh, I’m sending this to Roman,” Remus said as he showed the picture of Patton and Janus kissing on his camera. “And maybe making it my wallpaper.”

“You cad,” Patton said with a smirk.

“Can’t imagine where he gets that from,” Janus commented.

Patton turned back to Janus with a smirk, and he leaned in to give him another kiss, though less passionate and more of a quick peck this time. He pulled away, and Janus let him slip off his shoulders.

“Now, where’s this cafe at?” Patton asked. 

Janus took Patton’s hand in his own, and the two of them walked together out of the office, earning a few whistles and cheers of congratulations from the photography floor. Remus followed behind him, watching as the picture sent itself to Roman. He took a picture of Patton and Janus holding hands as well, and sent that next. It didn’t take long for Roman to send back a quick text.

_Roro: “It’s about bloody fucking time.”_


	16. Epilogue: This Will Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 470  
> Chapter Warnings: It’s soft

When Roman signed up to go to an LGBT camp for teens, he didn’t expect to reunite his dad with his long lost crush and get a whole new family. Neither did Remus, for that matter.

Janus and Patton only dated for two months before Janus proposed. It was nothing special. Janus took Patton into the reptile sanctuary to show him the frogs, and he placed the box inside the tank. When he asked Patton to take it out, he dropped to one knee and asked if Patton would marry him. Of course, Patton said yes. 

The two were married in the spring two years later on May 1. Thomas, who gave Patton’s best man speech, made almost everyone in the room cry. Even Janus shed a tear. And Remus, instead of eating his cake, may or may not have started a cake fight with the guests that attended the wedding. The final picture was one of them licking cake frosting off their smiles. 

Patton moved in from his home in the United Kingdom to live there, and he handed over his shop to Thomas, who stayed behind with his husband. Watching the two of them say goodbye was almost as painful as watching Janus and Patton say goodbye. Almost. They promised to visit each other whenever they got the chance.

Logan moved overseas with Patton, saying it was strictly to help Patton keep himself in order, but everyone knew his true intentions. While Virgil and Logan didn’t move as fast as Patton and Janus in the relationship, they eventually started dating a year or two after Logan moved over to California. The two of them spent all winter building a greenhouse behind Janus’s home so that Logan could begin gardening again.

Logan even started his own jam business. It started out slow, but eventually, when word got out through Virgil’s blog about a local business growing organic homemade jam, Logan could barely keep enough stock to fill the orders. His most popular by far was the loganberry jam. Still, Logan always managed to keep a jar to share with Virgil when they had afternoon tea together. Well, more like Logan had tea and Virgil had an iced coffee.

As for Roman and Remus? The two of them accepted their role as brothers and annoyed the hell out of each other until they graduated high school. They even went to college together. Remus went to learn how to do special effects makeup, as he planned, and Roman became a theater major with a minor in art.

To this day, the two of them are inseparable. Of course, if you found out you had a long lost twin that left with your father and you worked hard to bring your family back together, you’d want to stick together too, wouldn’t you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that's it! All the waiting, all the blood, sweat, and tears, all the aching wrists... it's all come to this. I finally finished it! ! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for stopping by <3
> 
> -Cat


End file.
